Party requesting guests to take shoes off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone offended by this request isn’t someone I would want to be friends with. Besides, most people know this is the norm for Asian families.

I am an uncouth Midwesterner who hosts a lot, and find that 90% of people ask whether they should take their shoes off as they come in.

These aren't people she is trying to be friends with. It's an event for her kid's school. I agree if it's people who are friends.

[Anonymous]

I find it’s only white people who balk or have a problem with this. I would not be offended even if I didn’t know about it beforehand.

[Anonymous]

Put it on the invite so we know not to come

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone offended by this request isn’t someone I would want to be friends with. Besides, most people know this is the norm for Asian families.

I am an uncouth Midwesterner who hosts a lot, and find that 90% of people ask whether they should take their shoes off as they come in.

Op isn’t friends with them and she’s not trying to be. These events are social/networking events.

I would think it was weird to be asked to take off my shoes at a work event at someone’s house. Less so for a school focused event.

Op, if you are going to ask, then provide slippers. I would not feel comfortable in someone’s house in bare feet.

[Anonymous]

If you’re going to be that anal, just don’t host a formal event.

If you host, things can be broken and items can be stained. Do your best to clean to and move on. Or will you only serve beige food and drink?

I don’t get why you can’t just clean the floors after. It’s such an annoying control freak thing.

[Anonymous]

We are also a no shoes house but do not require it when we host non-family. I get the rugs professionally cleaned about every year or two. It's about $250 per rug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re going to be that anal, just don’t host a formal event.

If you host, things can be broken and items can be stained. Do your best to clean to and move on. Or will you only serve beige food and drink?

I don’t get why you can’t just clean the floors after. It’s such an annoying control freak thing.

You really can’t clean carpet. I have a shoe/dog house, but I would never have carpet, and I’m not even weird or careful about dirt.

[Anonymous]

We don't wear shoes inside, but I don't ask guests to take theirs off. But living in NYC, it's pretty common for people to offer to do so or just do it when they see the line-up of shoes by the door to our apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are an Asian American family and are a no shoe house. Our new private school has grade wide dinners where families take turns hosting.

Will it be strange to ask guests to take their shoes off?

We have hosted birthdays in preschool and no one seemed to mind. This would be many more people.

You have every right to ask and they have every right to not attend. I would not attend because I need to wear special shoes. Also, the US is not a 3rd world country.y

[Anonymous]

We are shoe free, but I make exceptions for parties. I know several who don't, though, which is also fine.

In this case, with people I don't know, I would leave a basket of slippers and shoe covers by the door for people who want something to wear.

[Anonymous]

It's fine. If there is talk beforehand, about the party, don't forget to mention it. If there's an email or message, don't forget to mention it. It's being courteous. Some people may make wardrobe choices with it in mind. It's just a matter of fact. Not a big deal but a detail that gets mentioned if other details are being shared.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know, but I just moved to an East Asian country for work and I am having the opposite problem. It is shoes-off-at-home everywhere; every family in our very expensive building has a big shoe rack in the hall outside their door to keep all of their shoes.

But I don't want people walking in their bare feet in my home, especially because it is hot outside and many people are wearing sandals with no socks. I don't want the sweat and oil from other people's feet on my wood floors or rugs. Over and over, I ask people to please keep their shoes ON as they enter my home, but they refuse and take them off anyway.

I'm ready to just buy a rack of cheap flipflops and tell each visitor to choose one at the door. Maybe you could do the same, OP? Get some cheap flipflops that are new, and people may be more comfortable doing that than going barefoot (I'm hoping my guests and contractors will feel comfortable enough to do this and stop walking on my floors and rugs in their nasty bare feet).

[Anonymous]

9:55 again. It's counter-productive to your relationships to present it as an Asian-thing. Lots of us don't wear shoes in the house. Drop that approach.

[Anonymous]

I am never offended about removing my shoes. We do not wear shoes in our house. Years ago we asked guests to remove shoes but I stopped post-COVID. Still 75% of our guests do it automatically either because they know from the past or they’re my kids’ friends who all take them off. When guests see other shoes by the door, they often offer and I respond “whatever is most comfortable for you”. It’s the rare person who keeps them on. When shoes have been worn, I wash the floor that evening or the next day. We don’t have carpet except one area rug so I try not to get too stressed. I’m OCD so it’s a challenge for me! I remind myself we have pets who traipse in and out of the house so they obviously bring in dirt too.

[Anonymous]

What next? Guests are asked not to use toilets? A host is supposed to make their guests feel at home and being asked to remove my shoes would make me turn around and leave.

Host in backyard and rent a Johnny on the Spot.