Should I volunteer at my child's school?

[Anonymous]

Our elementary school was relatively small (3 classes per grade) and volunteering was a good way to get to know the teachers and staff better and also to become integrated with the school community. It's also a good way to get to know the kids your children talk about.

Also, when your kids are young, they LOVE when they see you at school. By the time they're tweens they won't want you there anymore so be there while they appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

I volunteer a lot and am probably more introverted than you! Go in with an open mind, try not to be discouraged if you don’t feel immediately connected or in the loop, and remind yourself you are volunteering and being involved on behalf of your child. I would not expect preferential treatment, but I found it nice to be able to put faces to names of other community members and teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound as if it's fine for a child to get preferential treatment in exchange for their parent helping out at school. It's not.

I was on the board of my kids' school PTA for many years, and was in the building a lot, organizing and helping out with various events.
My kids did not receive preferential treatment, I did not ask for special placement or favors. That would have been ethically wrong.

However, working with the administration, teachers and staff allows parents to understand what it is that a school can and cannot do. Resources are limited. They should be directed to the neediest cases first. Knowing how a school works allows parents to understand what to ask for if their kid really needs help: who to contact, what are reasonable accommodations, and how long it might be until the issue is addressed. It keeps parents realistic, instead of fuming that something doesn't get fixed instantly.

Conversely, if the administration and teachers see you genuinely helping (instead of creating more nonsense busywork some PTA parents dream up!), and if your kid really does develop a problem, they will be more inclined to believe you, because a measure of trust has been established. I see this most often with parents of kids with special needs, some of whom volunteer so they can observe their child in the classroom, and understand how to make available services and accommodations work for their kid. Teachers see these parents doing their best, and skip the notion that bad parenting is at the root of their kid's behavioral issues.

But procotols and procedures still need to be followed, and parents cannot demand something outside of the rulebook.

Great post above. My PTA helping and other school volunteering gave me info, helped me understand how to guide my child, and gave me credibility when my kid had social problems with other kids at aftercare and recess. I didn't expect or receive perks.

If the principal attends PTA, going to PTA meetings...no matter whether you enjoy it, it seems cliquey to you, etc...gives you a good opportunity to bring issues forward and figure out whether the school is on track. In my district, all PTAs meet during the evening, so working parents can participate.

I have been a PTA member K-12. There are only a few active members involved. It hasn't been a source of "mom friends" but it has given me more of a sense of community involvement which I value.

PTAs often come across as cliquey but that is often just a bond formed by people who get used to putting on fun events with insufficient volunteer staffing. And general social awkwardness. Gen X did not get raised like the "Hostess with the Mostess" Boomers. And Millennials around me are even less interested in volunteering. If you have your own friends (not necessarily elementary parents) and can pull off organizing an event, you will quickly get incorporated into the core. And don't be upset to keep reintroducing yourself...most only see each other once a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of preferential treatment are you looking for from an elementary school?

+1 I'm planning to volunteer so I can get to know teachers/admins/staff and have a line of communication if my kid needs help or correction. I think it's pretty bizarre to volunteer so your kid gets better snacks or fewer consequences for bad behavior or whatever OP is imagining.

While you can definitely get that line of communication without volunteering, it is 100% more comfortable if you have been in the classroom a few times.

And as a bonus one of my kids' favorite babysitters is the daughter of their beloved teacher who I was a room parent for.

That's the kind of benefits you get from volunteering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound as if it's fine for a child to get preferential treatment in exchange for their parent helping out at school. It's not.

I was on the board of my kids' school PTA for many years, and was in the building a lot, organizing and helping out with various events.
My kids did not receive preferential treatment, I did not ask for special placement or favors. That would have been ethically wrong.

However, working with the administration, teachers and staff allows parents to understand what it is that a school can and cannot do. Resources are limited. They should be directed to the neediest cases first. Knowing how a school works allows parents to understand what to ask for if their kid really needs help: who to contact, what are reasonable accommodations, and how long it might be until the issue is addressed. It keeps parents realistic, instead of fuming that something doesn't get fixed instantly.

Conversely, if the administration and teachers see you genuinely helping (instead of creating more nonsense busywork some PTA parents dream up!), and if your kid really does develop a problem, they will be more inclined to believe you, because a measure of trust has been established. I see this most often with parents of kids with special needs, some of whom volunteer so they can observe their child in the classroom, and understand how to make available services and accommodations work for their kid. Teachers see these parents doing their best, and skip the notion that bad parenting is at the root of their kid's behavioral issues.

But procotols and procedures still need to be followed, and parents cannot demand something outside of the rulebook.

Great post above. My PTA helping and other school volunteering gave me info, helped me understand how to guide my child, and gave me credibility when my kid had social problems with other kids at aftercare and recess. I didn't expect or receive perks.

If the principal attends PTA, going to PTA meetings...no matter whether you enjoy it, it seems cliquey to you, etc...gives you a good opportunity to bring issues forward and figure out whether the school is on track. In my district, all PTAs meet during the evening, so working parents can participate.

I have been a PTA member K-12. There are only a few active members involved. It hasn't been a source of "mom friends" but it has given me more of a sense of community involvement which I value.

PTAs often come across as cliquey but that is often just a bond formed by people who get used to putting on fun events with insufficient volunteer staffing. And general social awkwardness. Gen X did not get raised like the "Hostess with the Mostess" Boomers. And Millennials around me are even less interested in volunteering. If you have your own friends (not necessarily elementary parents) and can pull off organizing an event, you will quickly get incorporated into the core. And don't be upset to keep reintroducing yourself...most only see each other once a month.

The bolded is so, so true about why people don't volunteer.

That said, I do think some PTAs (and similar groups in any organization) can get very resistant to incorporating new people. Once you have a group that's been around long enough they have a circle of trust and get used to doing everything. Then there are no opportunities to organize an event, because the small circle is already doing it. So you can't show you can handle it. So you can't get incorporated into the core. And it becomes a bad spiral until the group somehow changes, in which case a lot of important know-how is often lost.

No this doesn't describe every PTA, but the ones that feel cliquey often do because of the circle of trust issue, not genuine cliquey-ness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound as if it's fine for a child to get preferential treatment in exchange for their parent helping out at school. It's not.

I was on the board of my kids' school PTA for many years, and was in the building a lot, organizing and helping out with various events.
My kids did not receive preferential treatment, I did not ask for special placement or favors. That would have been ethically wrong.

However, working with the administration, teachers and staff allows parents to understand what it is that a school can and cannot do. Resources are limited. They should be directed to the neediest cases first. Knowing how a school works allows parents to understand what to ask for if their kid really needs help: who to contact, what are reasonable accommodations, and how long it might be until the issue is addressed. It keeps parents realistic, instead of fuming that something doesn't get fixed instantly.

Conversely, if the administration and teachers see you genuinely helping (instead of creating more nonsense busywork some PTA parents dream up!), and if your kid really does develop a problem, they will be more inclined to believe you, because a measure of trust has been established. I see this most often with parents of kids with special needs, some of whom volunteer so they can observe their child in the classroom, and understand how to make available services and accommodations work for their kid. Teachers see these parents doing their best, and skip the notion that bad parenting is at the root of their kid's behavioral issues.

But procotols and procedures still need to be followed, and parents cannot demand something outside of the rulebook.

Great post above. My PTA helping and other school volunteering gave me info, helped me understand how to guide my child, and gave me credibility when my kid had social problems with other kids at aftercare and recess. I didn't expect or receive perks.

If the principal attends PTA, going to PTA meetings...no matter whether you enjoy it, it seems cliquey to you, etc...gives you a good opportunity to bring issues forward and figure out whether the school is on track. In my district, all PTAs meet during the evening, so working parents can participate.

I have been a PTA member K-12. There are only a few active members involved. It hasn't been a source of "mom friends" but it has given me more of a sense of community involvement which I value.

PTAs often come across as cliquey but that is often just a bond formed by people who get used to putting on fun events with insufficient volunteer staffing. And general social awkwardness. Gen X did not get raised like the "Hostess with the Mostess" Boomers. And Millennials around me are even less interested in volunteering. If you have your own friends (not necessarily elementary parents) and can pull off organizing an event, you will quickly get incorporated into the core. And don't be upset to keep reintroducing yourself...most only see each other once a month.

This is a good way to put it, and exactly what I have noticed. It's not about perks. But if you are active in the school, it helps you get heard/action taken for the things that all parents really should be listened to about in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Your child won’t get any special treatment at school, whatever that means. Teachers don’t care if you do/don’t volunteer.

But it can help you meet other parents/mothers will may be socially beneficial for your child. Your child will be more likely to be included in things and invited over for playdates if the parent knows you, likes you, and already has your phone number to easily contact.

[Anonymous]

The only ones who seem to get special treatment are the PTA crew. I noticed their kids are consistently placed with their same group of friends every year (even though they wildly distract each other) and they get the best teachers. One year, the PTA President’s kid was moved out of the assigned bad teacher’s class before school even started. I guess Mom wasn’t happy with the teacher assignment. The admin doesn’t want to deal with their complaints and they are the loudest. The kids without engaged parents were put in the worst teachers’ classes because they don’t speak up or complain.

[Anonymous]

No preferential treatment at school. But as someone who doesn't fit into the many parent cliques at the school, volunteering helped establish relationships with those parents. Makes it more likely and easier for kids to be invited to parties (and I've gotten invites too for mom get togethers).

[Anonymous]

In our MCPS schools, I found that teachers and admins did not want parents volunteering in the classroom. They probably thought that the parents that volunteer would be 1) more critical (usually seen in schools with more classroom discipline issues), 2) have their own agenda (need special attention for kids), 3) distracting to the kids in the classroom or 4) change the power dynamics in the classroom.

Yes, absolutely volunteer in the school but understand what your motivations are. In different schools, I found either the PTA very cliquey or non-existent. I have always donated really generously (several hundred dollars) to the PTA, helped with evening shifts of book fairs, and bought dishes and other goods for any teacher appreciation events. But, my experience in ES was pretty much as a volunteer mom in the classroom. I stayed away from the printing, laminating and cutting tasks that the ES teachers tend to give parents. My involvement was mainly to - read stories in circle time in early ES and help as a volunteer in math accelerated classroom.

In ES, I signed up to chaperone the field trips. This is by far the best.

My kids are neurotypical, well behaved, very motivated and top performers academically, so I did not need any help from the school or teachers. However, it allowed me to understand how limited the school curriculum was and so I knew how to enrich them outside of school hours to meet their needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound as if it's fine for a child to get preferential treatment in exchange for their parent helping out at school. It's not.

I was on the board of my kids' school PTA for many years, and was in the building a lot, organizing and helping out with various events.
My kids did not receive preferential treatment, I did not ask for special placement or favors. That would have been ethically wrong.

However, working with the administration, teachers and staff allows parents to understand what it is that a school can and cannot do. Resources are limited. They should be directed to the neediest cases first. Knowing how a school works allows parents to understand what to ask for if their kid really needs help: who to contact, what are reasonable accommodations, and how long it might be until the issue is addressed. It keeps parents realistic, instead of fuming that something doesn't get fixed instantly.

Conversely, if the administration and teachers see you genuinely helping (instead of creating more nonsense busywork some PTA parents dream up!), and if your kid really does develop a problem, they will be more inclined to believe you, because a measure of trust has been established. I see this most often with parents of kids with special needs, some of whom volunteer so they can observe their child in the classroom, and understand how to make available services and accommodations work for their kid. Teachers see these parents doing their best, and skip the notion that bad parenting is at the root of their kid's behavioral issues.

But procotols and procedures still need to be followed, and parents cannot demand something outside of the rulebook.

Great post above. My PTA helping and other school volunteering gave me info, helped me understand how to guide my child, and gave me credibility when my kid had social problems with other kids at aftercare and recess. I didn't expect or receive perks.

If the principal attends PTA, going to PTA meetings...no matter whether you enjoy it, it seems cliquey to you, etc...gives you a good opportunity to bring issues forward and figure out whether the school is on track. In my district, all PTAs meet during the evening, so working parents can participate.

I have been a PTA member K-12. There are only a few active members involved. It hasn't been a source of "mom friends" but it has given me more of a sense of community involvement which I value.

PTAs often come across as cliquey but that is often just a bond formed by people who get used to putting on fun events with insufficient volunteer staffing. And general social awkwardness. Gen X did not get raised like the "Hostess with the Mostess" Boomers. And Millennials around me are even less interested in volunteering. If you have your own friends (not necessarily elementary parents) and can pull off organizing an event, you will quickly get incorporated into the core. And don't be upset to keep reintroducing yourself...most only see each other once a month.

The bolded is so, so true about why people don't volunteer.

That said, I do think some PTAs (and similar groups in any organization) can get very resistant to incorporating new people. Once you have a group that's been around long enough they have a circle of trust and get used to doing everything. Then there are no opportunities to organize an event, because the small circle is already doing it. So you can't show you can handle it. So you can't get incorporated into the core. And it becomes a bad spiral until the group somehow changes, in which case a lot of important know-how is often lost.

No this doesn't describe every PTA, but the ones that feel cliquey often do because of the circle of trust issue, not genuine cliquey-ness.

As one of the people in the "small circle" doing the organizing, we absolutely would LOVE others to help out/take control. Almost every highly-involved PTA parent also has a full-time (often demanding) job, multiple kids, travels for work/family, etc. These are all the reasons why people say they can't volunteer but frankly some people make the time and some people don't, which is fine, but we'd never turn away anyone who wanted to put in the time.

[Anonymous]

My kids are in middle school now, but when they were in ES, I did a moderate amount of volunteering as my work schedule allowed. Fortunately we have flex scheduling, so I was able to help with a few things.

The only preferential treatment that I saw was that when you volunteer, you become a known entity to the teaching staff. They've met you, they've talked with you and know you are a more involved parent. Working with/talking with teachers means that they have a little more background information about your family. Familiarity with the family helps the teachers bond with the students and also helps them talk with the students. My children were much more comfortable with their teachers with that familiarity which helped the teachers work with the students.

Also, sometimes when the teacher needs to pick kids for various things, and needs to do it faster or that needs to do something independently, they will sometimes prefer children who they trust or know that has done something before. Students they know less about will be chosen when they have time to supervise the children. This is not often, but sometimes occurs.

Any preferential treatment is minor and mostly due to familiarity. Your child can get the same benefit if they are active and engaged in school. So, the primary benefit of volunteering for preferential treatment is if your child is shy and does not volunteer for classroom activity themselves much. Being a volunteer means that you can help encourage your child to be more engaged and active or at least help the teacher get more familiar with your child, which then increases their chances of being picked for things.

[Anonymous]

At our school, all the kids of current and past PTA presidents are in AAP. I know of one parent that volunteered a ton in K, first and second grade with the PTA (a VP position) and was very pissed when child did not get into AAP and went to speak to the admin team. She continued to volunteer in third grade and child did get into AAP the following year. Is it coincidence?

In FCPS, I believe the admin can maybe put more effort into the AAP package of certain kids if they want to. Maybe it is an unconscious bias or maybe it is intentional.

[Anonymous]

It makes me sad how many people volunteer at school for their own perceived benefit and not…the good of the children!! Wth! How about you volunteer at the school because it’s the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It makes me sad how many people volunteer at school for their own perceived benefit and not…the good of the children!! Wth! How about you volunteer at the school because it’s the right thing to do.

The school isn’t need volunteers for these made up things to do. So of course the volunteer positions are self serving.