Happy I’m divorced but sad about shape of my life

[Anonymous]

(Wo)man plans, god laughs.

Realize it’s not your fault. This is just life, and it’s ok!

[Anonymous]

I’m going through the same thing. Divorce is akin to a death and must be grieved as such. And like death, you don’t get over it, you make peace with it.

Three years out from a 17 year marriage and I’m not there yet. My ex was cruel like yours and yet the reconciliation fantasies come early and often. It is hard to accept that he couldn’t treat me kindly with any consistency. I wish I could have contorted myself into the person he wanted me to be. So in addition to grieving the marriage I blame myself for my imperfections.

It’s a tough road for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going through the same thing. Divorce is akin to a death and must be grieved as such. And like death, you don’t get over it, you make peace with it.

Three years out from a 17 year marriage and I’m not there yet. My ex was cruel like yours and yet the reconciliation fantasies come early and often. It is hard to accept that he couldn’t treat me kindly with any consistency. I wish I could have contorted myself into the person he wanted me to be. So in addition to grieving the marriage I blame myself for my imperfections.

It’s a tough road for sure.

Thank you for saying this. I’m only 7 months in and not even divorced yet and I'm really struggling with the reconciliation fantasies when they pop up, unwanted. He was the one who abruptly left after a 23 year marriage, so even though I know I will be better off in the end (who wants to be married to someone who doesn’t love them or respect them enough to say anything other than “I’m done”) I am still so hurt by the rejection and the loss of the life I thought I had and would have. It is a pretty dark place and I have a tough time relating to people who were able to move on quickly, seemingly without a hiccup. I realize everything isn’t what it seems – people think I am doing well – but thank you for your honesty.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I have zero reconciliation fantasies. The idea that I ever slept with him makes me want to hurl, he’s not attractive and we didn’t have any romance. My only fantasies center around being with my kids more and having financial security.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I have zero reconciliation fantasies. The idea that I ever slept with him makes me want to hurl, he’s not attractive and we didn’t have any romance. My only fantasies center around being with my kids more and having financial security.

10:18 here - for me, the reconciliation fantasies are about the kids and financial security. Nothing sexy, I just find myself thinking that life was a lot easier before – but I hate when those thoughts creep in because it isn’t like there was an option.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? Time flies, they won't be kids forever. Then you can say ta-ta to your ex and live happily ever after with your new boo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same. Glad I am divorced. Very sad about my life. Marriage was the biggest mistake and ruined my life trajectory. I can’t undo it. I am not dating and don’t want to: men have done nothing positive in my life. I am done.

Then why are you here?

[Anonymous]

Everyone has regrets about something. Lots of dreams don't come true and that's ok. Do things that you like to do, especually things your ex might not have liked, and at some point those things should outweigh the regrets you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same. Glad I am divorced. Very sad about my life. Marriage was the biggest mistake and ruined my life trajectory. I can’t undo it. I am not dating and don’t want to: men have done nothing positive in my life. I am done.

Then why are you here?

Confused by your question. This is not a dating app. I am sharing I have some more feelings about my life is the OP. I don’t know what your problem is because your common is completely unnecessary and rude.