Happy I’m divorced but sad about shape of my life

[Anonymous]

I’m doing well in all aspects post-divorce. I even am in a new relationship. But once in awhile I’ll still feel so sad that the dream of one happy marriage and family doesn’t exist. Even if I marry my boyfriend one day, I still only have joint custody of my kids and the lifestyle that comes with that. I do not by any means regret divorcing my ex-DH. He was cruel and I had to stay small and I’ve blossomed since the divorce. At what point will I stop feeling this way?

[Anonymous]

Once you fall in love with your boyfriend and want to spend the rest of your life with him.

[Anonymous]

You'll always have some regrets. You just need to accept them and focus more on the ways they've made you the person you are today and the positive things in your life.

[Anonymous]

Let go of the life you had envisioned so you can embrace the blessings that are before you.

[Anonymous]

Same. Glad I am divorced. Very sad about my life. Marriage was the biggest mistake and ruined my life trajectory. I can’t undo it. I am not dating and don’t want to: men have done nothing positive in my life. I am done.

[Anonymous]

It seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there OP. It gets better, if you want it to. The key for me was remembering that those feelings are temporary when they pop up. I experience them and then let them drift away. I am thankful for the things I now have like a peaceful household. And children who don’t have to grow up watching their mom be disrespected. Focus on making your new family the best it can be, and everything will fall into place.

[Anonymous]

You just have to be in the “now.” There’s no other way.

[Anonymous]

Maybe give up on the idea that not all marriages are supposed to last forever? Divorce can be a great thing for women, and we haven’t always had that choice so easily, so be grateful you could move on. And accept your life, maybe look into radical acceptance therapy. Don’t compare yourself to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m doing well in all aspects post-divorce. I even am in a new relationship. But once in awhile I’ll still feel so sad that the dream of one happy marriage and family doesn’t exist. Even if I marry my boyfriend one day, I still only have joint custody of my kids and the lifestyle that comes with that. I do not by any means regret divorcing my ex-DH. He was cruel and I had to stay small and I’ve blossomed since the divorce. At what point will I stop feeling this way?

If you’re a good person of value you never get over it. Even when it was the right decision it will always be in the background. Part of growing up and being a complete person is some level of suffering. Without suffering you don’t need God and lose touch.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re feeling the tension of something that is good for you but hard for the kids. It’s a difficult pill to swallow. They have 2 homes, don’t get you all the time. The sadness won’t go away until they’re older and you know how they coped

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe give up on the idea that not all marriages are supposed to last forever? Divorce can be a great thing for women, and we haven’t always had that choice so easily, so be grateful you could move on. And accept your life, maybe look into radical acceptance therapy. Don’t compare yourself to others.

I think this is the answer. When my parents divorced (from a more conservative culture) the way her cousins shamed my mother was to tell her

Why do you think you get to leave your crappy husband and we all have to stay with ours?

Well ladies no one has to tolerate a crappy husband anymore if they don’t want to.

[Anonymous]

I get this, OP. I have also thrived post-divorce (which was about 15 years ago). I am content with my current life, but still feel sad about making such a terrible choice in who I married.

I think we have to find a way to forgive our younger selves -- we did the best we could with what we knew at the time -- and grieve the life we wish we'd had so that we can embrace the life we still can have. I found a therapist who specializes in grief to help me work through it (I'm a therapist myself but it really helps to have someone else to process with).

[Anonymous]

Life is imperfect. We have a culture that encourages us to think our lives can be fairy tales and that we will proceed through it without any bumps or suffering, and that’s just not true or realistic. Crap happens, all the time.

[Anonymous]

I’m not OP, but I’m going through this. I really appreciate everyone’s comments. I feel like everything is going to be ok now.