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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m going through the same thing.  Divorce is akin to a death and must be grieved as such.  And like death, you don’t get over it, you make peace with it.

Three years out from a 17 year marriage and I’m not there yet.  My ex was cruel like yours and yet the reconciliation fantasies come early and often.  It is hard to accept that he couldn’t treat me kindly with any consistency.  I wish I could have contorted myself into the person he wanted me to be.  So in addition to grieving the marriage I blame myself for my imperfections.

It’s a tough road for sure.
[/quote]

Thank you for saying this. I’m only 7 months in and not even divorced yet and I'm really struggling with the reconciliation fantasies when they pop up, unwanted. He was the one who abruptly left after a 23 year marriage, so even though I know I will be better off in the end (who wants to be married to someone who doesn’t love them or respect them enough to say anything other than “I’m done”) I am still so hurt by the rejection and the loss of the life I thought I had and would have. It is a pretty dark place and I have a tough time relating to people who were able to move on quickly, seemingly without a hiccup. I realize everything isn’t what it seems – people think I am doing well – but thank you for your honesty.[/quote]

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