Dating someone who works in politics

[Anonymous]

This person is not a match for you. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible for a normal person, who has no connection to politics other than reading the news and voting, to date someone who works in politics.

Boyfriend works for a political organization. I am a normal person. I follow politics and have opinions. I am much more moderate than my boyfriend, who I would consider borderline extreme. I agree with him on about half of the issues. On the other half I technically agree with him but I think he’s too militant.

The issue is that he is SO inflammatory and argumentative. I am currently frustrated because I had a bad day, called him, politics came up, and he started with the routine where he treats me like a guest on a political podcast. Again, I’ve had a horrific day at work, so the constant cutting me off (initially I was like “Oh I didn’t hear about that” and then I went full deflection/change the subject mode) was really making my blood pressure go up. I finally got pissed when I said “You know, I don’t know about this, all I’m finding are articles from XYZ-“ At which point he cut me off and snidely said “Yeah, because they’re never biased.” I was like actually if you had let me finish, I was LITERALLY about to say that it’s a biased source so I would need to do more research. Maybe we don’t talk to our significant others like they’re stupid when they’ve had a bad day, at which point he claimed he wasn’t talking to me like I’m stupid and “anyway I have work I could be doing so goodbye.” Unreal. Not “Oh, sorry. You’re right, I’m talking to you like I talk to people from the opposing side at work, even though you didn’t inherently disagree with me AND you mentioned earlier that work was so stressful you cried at lunch.” Not even just “Sorry”!

What I would LIKE to do at the moment is text him and say “You know what? I had a shit day so don’t talk to me until you’re prepared to have a normal conversation with me, and if that never happens maybe you can date a girl from work because you clearly need someone who just tells you youre right all the time! And there are only about ten people on this earth who will do that! Goodbye!” But other than this he’s a good boyfriend and I love him. Also I’m not a teenager. So I can’t be immature.

Anyway I’m venting because this all happened about 20 minutes ago and I’m mad. My question is, is it possible for a normal person whose involvement in politics is a quick scan of the Post (or I guess that was my involvement before I met him) to date someone whose involvement in politics is literally their livelihood? If this is you and your significant other or spouse, what are your ground rules?

You sound immature and he sounds insensitive. Is this a relatively new relationship or did you not realize extent of your differences until now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh lord you are mad lol. But, I would be too. That's annoying.

I would just shut it down every time it comes up. And if it keeps coming up to the point that you're constantly shutting it down, I would shut this down.

I am mad! I am mad that he wanted to debate a political issue with me when a) I didn't even disagree with him and b) I had a bad day. I didn't call and say "Let's debate hot button issue." I called and said "I had a bad day," mentioned I was reading the news, and then was verbally bombarded with "DID YOU READ THIS LET'S DISCUSS THIS NO YOU'RE EVADING THE QUESTION." Like, dude, chill. I am literally just learning about it now for the first effing time.

I don't want to be one of those couples that can't talk politics, although in this case it would be less about disagreeing and more about the fact that even when I do agree with him, I'm treated like opposing counsel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This person is not a match for you. Move on.

The annoying part about this statement is that other than this, he's the best boyfriend I've ever had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible for a normal person, who has no connection to politics other than reading the news and voting, to date someone who works in politics.

Boyfriend works for a political organization. I am a normal person. I follow politics and have opinions. I am much more moderate than my boyfriend, who I would consider borderline extreme. I agree with him on about half of the issues. On the other half I technically agree with him but I think he’s too militant.

The issue is that he is SO inflammatory and argumentative. I am currently frustrated because I had a bad day, called him, politics came up, and he started with the routine where he treats me like a guest on a political podcast. Again, I’ve had a horrific day at work, so the constant cutting me off (initially I was like “Oh I didn’t hear about that” and then I went full deflection/change the subject mode) was really making my blood pressure go up. I finally got pissed when I said “You know, I don’t know about this, all I’m finding are articles from XYZ-“ At which point he cut me off and snidely said “Yeah, because they’re never biased.” I was like actually if you had let me finish, I was LITERALLY about to say that it’s a biased source so I would need to do more research. Maybe we don’t talk to our significant others like they’re stupid when they’ve had a bad day, at which point he claimed he wasn’t talking to me like I’m stupid and “anyway I have work I could be doing so goodbye.” Unreal. Not “Oh, sorry. You’re right, I’m talking to you like I talk to people from the opposing side at work, even though you didn’t inherently disagree with me AND you mentioned earlier that work was so stressful you cried at lunch.” Not even just “Sorry”!

What I would LIKE to do at the moment is text him and say “You know what? I had a shit day so don’t talk to me until you’re prepared to have a normal conversation with me, and if that never happens maybe you can date a girl from work because you clearly need someone who just tells you youre right all the time! And there are only about ten people on this earth who will do that! Goodbye!” But other than this he’s a good boyfriend and I love him. Also I’m not a teenager. So I can’t be immature.

Anyway I’m venting because this all happened about 20 minutes ago and I’m mad. My question is, is it possible for a normal person whose involvement in politics is a quick scan of the Post (or I guess that was my involvement before I met him) to date someone whose involvement in politics is literally their livelihood? If this is you and your significant other or spouse, what are your ground rules?

You sound immature and he sounds insensitive. Is this a relatively new relationship or did you not realize extent of your differences until now?

It's not that new of a relationship. It's about six months old.

I actually don't think I'm immature. Sensitive, maybe. But not immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible for a normal person, who has no connection to politics other than reading the news and voting, to date someone who works in politics.

Boyfriend works for a political organization. I am a normal person. I follow politics and have opinions. I am much more moderate than my boyfriend, who I would consider borderline extreme. I agree with him on about half of the issues. On the other half I technically agree with him but I think he’s too militant.

The issue is that he is SO inflammatory and argumentative. I am currently frustrated because I had a bad day, called him, politics came up, and he started with the routine where he treats me like a guest on a political podcast. Again, I’ve had a horrific day at work, so the constant cutting me off (initially I was like “Oh I didn’t hear about that” and then I went full deflection/change the subject mode) was really making my blood pressure go up. I finally got pissed when I said “You know, I don’t know about this, all I’m finding are articles from XYZ-“ At which point he cut me off and snidely said “Yeah, because they’re never biased.” I was like actually if you had let me finish, I was LITERALLY about to say that it’s a biased source so I would need to do more research. Maybe we don’t talk to our significant others like they’re stupid when they’ve had a bad day, at which point he claimed he wasn’t talking to me like I’m stupid and “anyway I have work I could be doing so goodbye.” Unreal. Not “Oh, sorry. You’re right, I’m talking to you like I talk to people from the opposing side at work, even though you didn’t inherently disagree with me AND you mentioned earlier that work was so stressful you cried at lunch.” Not even just “Sorry”!

What I would LIKE to do at the moment is text him and say “You know what? I had a shit day so don’t talk to me until you’re prepared to have a normal conversation with me, and if that never happens maybe you can date a girl from work because you clearly need someone who just tells you youre right all the time! And there are only about ten people on this earth who will do that! Goodbye!” But other than this he’s a good boyfriend and I love him. Also I’m not a teenager. So I can’t be immature.

Anyway I’m venting because this all happened about 20 minutes ago and I’m mad. My question is, is it possible for a normal person whose involvement in politics is a quick scan of the Post (or I guess that was my involvement before I met him) to date someone whose involvement in politics is literally their livelihood? If this is you and your significant other or spouse, what are your ground rules?

You sound immature and he sounds insensitive. Is this a relatively new relationship or did you not realize extent of your differences until now?

What is immature?

[Anonymous]

I work in politics too and think this is a common personality flaw amongst us. Honestly, if you have let him know his approach makes you feel extremely defensive and he continues, tell him you no longer are interested in discussing these topics and see if it works. Political dorks need love too, but they also cannot go around harassing people who love them and you will be doing him a favor by training him out of this bad, bad habit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in politics too and think this is a common personality flaw amongst us. Honestly, if you have let him know his approach makes you feel extremely defensive and he continues, tell him you no longer are interested in discussing these topics and see if it works. Political dorks need love too, but they also cannot go around harassing people who love them and you will be doing him a favor by training him out of this bad, bad habit.

Can you train a man who’s well into his 30s out of a bad habit? And furthermore, he’s had girlfriends before. I can’t imagine none of them have ever been like “Hey, honey? When you accuse people of being anti-American just because they don’t agree with you, or even because they do agree with you and just aren’t comfortable taking such a far stance as you, that’s kind of a turn off.” I mean from what he’s told me most of his ex-girlfriends are pretty educated women with similar political stances to mine. I’m just saying, I suspect that what I’m about to tell him is something he’s heard before.

But thank you. That’s actually really helpful and a good starting point. And yes, it makes me feel so defensive! I feel like I’m in trouble with my dad or something and he’s trying to hit me with a “gotcha.” Ffs. I’m 31 years old and NOT a cable news channel contributor. I didn’t sign up for this!

[Anonymous]

Honestly he sounds like a douche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in politics too and think this is a common personality flaw amongst us. Honestly, if you have let him know his approach makes you feel extremely defensive and he continues, tell him you no longer are interested in discussing these topics and see if it works. Political dorks need love too, but they also cannot go around harassing people who love them and you will be doing him a favor by training him out of this bad, bad habit.

Can you train a man who’s well into his 30s out of a bad habit? And furthermore, he’s had girlfriends before. I can’t imagine none of them have ever been like “Hey, honey? When you accuse people of being anti-American just because they don’t agree with you, or even because they do agree with you and just aren’t comfortable taking such a far stance as you, that’s kind of a turn off.” I mean from what he’s told me most of his ex-girlfriends are pretty educated women with similar political stances to mine. I’m just saying, I suspect that what I’m about to tell him is something he’s heard before.

But thank you. That’s actually really helpful and a good starting point. And yes, it makes me feel so defensive! I feel like I’m in trouble with my dad or something and he’s trying to hit me with a “gotcha.” Ffs. I’m 31 years old and NOT a cable news channel contributor. I didn’t sign up for this!

PP - well, if you think its this bad don't give him too much time to turn it around and if you have to break it off just remember that you don't want to spend the rest of your life in gotchas about hot topics.

[Anonymous]

Women expect their partners to align with their politics far more than men expect their partners to do so. In fact it's so important I'll even venture and say it's the #1 issue for most women today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women expect their partners to align with their politics far more than men expect their partners to do so. In fact it's so important I'll even venture and say it's the #1 issue for most women today.

That's weird, because she said even when she agrees with him but just thinks he's taking it too far, he speaks to her this way. Sounds to me like he expects her to align with him.

[Anonymous]

I would tell him I don’t want to discuss politics with him and he needs to leave it at the door at the end of his workday.

[Anonymous]

My dh has started following politics very closely recently, and it’s gotten to the point where sometimes it feels like our conversations are just a regurgitation of his Twitter feed. It’s very annoying.

Six months in is usually when the bloom falls a bit off the rose, so this may be the time to discern if he can talk to you like a normal person. It’s fair to push back on this conversation pattern. No one enjoys having political viewpoints pushed on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh lord you are mad lol. But, I would be too. That's annoying.

I would just shut it down every time it comes up. And if it keeps coming up to the point that you're constantly shutting it down, I would shut this down.

I am mad! I am mad that he wanted to debate a political issue with me when a) I didn't even disagree with him and b) I had a bad day. I didn't call and say "Let's debate hot button issue." I called and said "I had a bad day," mentioned I was reading the news, and then was verbally bombarded with "DID YOU READ THIS LET'S DISCUSS THIS NO YOU'RE EVADING THE QUESTION." Like, dude, chill. I am literally just learning about it now for the first effing time.

I don't want to be one of those couples that can't talk politics, although in this case it would be less about disagreeing and more about the fact that even when I do agree with him, I'm treated like opposing counsel.

3:13 here. Sometimes I have to tell dh that I am not the enemy here. You need to push back for your own sanity’s sake. Either he’ll figure it out or he won’t.