How do you maintain expectations over years with long term Nannies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It might be that as nanny kids get older there are more family demands on nanny time.
Maybe she needs a new job and you need a new nanny every few years. Or a nanny with no kids or grown kids.

Op here. This is the problem though. These are human beings that my kids are deeply attached to and just getting a new nanny every few years I worry is bad for their development. But then I feel a bit like she has me over a barrel and it’s hard to negotiate and hold boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It might be that as nanny kids get older there are more family demands on nanny time.
Maybe she needs a new job and you need a new nanny every few years. Or a nanny with no kids or grown kids.

Op here. This is the problem though. These are human beings that my kids are deeply attached to and just getting a new nanny every few years I worry is bad for their development. But then I feel a bit like she has me over a barrel and it’s hard to negotiate and hold boundaries.

Yes, you are correct. It's not so easy to replace a nanny and your kids will suffer from losing a good one that they're attached to, and there's a lot of costs to onboard a new nanny. That said, you have not stated that you've addressed the issue very directly. Yes, your nanny can tell you that her son's sports things mean a great deal to her. But you need to be an adult and an employer and tell her that she can not continue to work as little as she's been doing and giving the notice that she's giving without doing damage to the work of you and your spouse and ask state very clearly (and in writing if that helps) that she needs to give you X amount of notice and that she's allowed X days of PTO. Sometimes people don't always realize how much time they're taking. I showed my nanny her attendance record for a brief 6 month period when she had a lot of random days off (we had her for 8 years), and she was embarrassed and her attendance went back to normal.

[Anonymous]

Something similar happened to us and we basically stopped being so generous with turning a blind eye to her overuse of PTO. I addd up the hours she had been paid for missed work and showed it to her and told her she basically had 16 hours or 2 days left to use per our contract. That curbed it for awhile. In the end, I think our nanny’s behavior was stemming from the fact she didn’t value the job enough/wanted to be paid more and it showed by the way she treated the responsibility…didn’t prioritize the job and showing up on time. Or she felt like she needed to milk it for every last penny through time off, etc. We parted ways a few months later.

[Anonymous]

OP, no one is paying guaranteed hours if the nanny is requesting to work less. You work less, you do not get paid for those hours, if you asked to come late or leave early. You only guarantee hours if it is you, the employer, ask her to come later/leave earlier, or not to come at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It might be that as nanny kids get older there are more family demands on nanny time.
Maybe she needs a new job and you need a new nanny every few years. Or a nanny with no kids or grown kids.

Op here. This is the problem though. These are human beings that my kids are deeply attached to and just getting a new nanny every few years I worry is bad for their development. But then I feel a bit like she has me over a barrel and it’s hard to negotiate and hold boundaries.

As someone who had a nanny for WAY longer than most people due to a SN child, my input is that you basically need to change Nannie’s about every three years. Everybody just gets way too close and the three year mark is typically when the professional and personal lines get very blurred. It becomes a problem for both parties at that point. Or you have to accept that you essentially have a niece/cousin type person working for you and that each of you have to practice radical acceptance around their other’s flaws. I am similarly incredible generous to my Nannie’s, but I still do things that I’m sure get on their last nerve after three years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny who was good starting calling in sick more often and cancelling on short notice. I gave her a raise and she went back to being reliable. You can figure out what motivates your nanny OP.

I’m glad that worked out for you but I wouldn’t give a raise to someone who was behaving like that.

As for OP, you sound too nice. I used to love my nanny too and did a lot of nice things for her. I began to like her a lot less when she took advantage of me by frequently lying about illness and emergencies. Happened around the 2 year mark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, no one is paying guaranteed hours if the nanny is requesting to work less. You work less, you do not get paid for those hours, if you asked to come late or leave early. You only guarantee hours if it is you, the employer, ask her to come later/leave earlier, or not to come at all.

This. You should be deducting any wages for missed time not covered by PTO.

[Anonymous]

Interview for someone new, starting them at a slightly lower rate. Do reviews(at minimum yearly) and let them know amount of rate increases will be based on performance. Be very clear on expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interview for someone new, starting them at a slightly lower rate. Do reviews(at minimum yearly) and let them know amount of rate increases will be based on performance. Be very clear on expectations.

Op here. I’m tempted but my kids love her like a 2nd mom practically. One of my kids cannot remember a world without her and cries for the nanny when hurt or sick. I worry it would be bad for their development to suddenly lose the nanny.