How do you maintain expectations over years with long term Nannies?

[Anonymous]

This has happened to me twice now.

We hire a nanny, and over time build a great relationship. My family is very generous and we put a high value on a quality nanny. Part of this generosity is financial and another aspect of it is offering flexibility and grace when it comes to things like time off or life situations.

Then, at around the 3 year mark, I start to feel taken advantage of. As one example, at the absolute last minute a couple weeks ago (as in, at 8:50 when we were expecting her to arrive at 9!!!!!), the nanny says she won’t make it because her son has a sports tournament and she needs to be there. This was a bit of a shock since presumably the tournament wasn’t a surprise. She could have taken it off, but it would have helped to have notice so we could plan. Then this happened nearly every day that week with her constantly moving the schedule around.

We let it go because it was unusual for her after 3 years working together. But now she’s pulling the same stuff again. Last minute schedule changes, which ALWAYS result in her working fewer hours and us still paying for them. And it’s a nightmare for us not just for operational reasons, but financial ones too. We pay her guaranteed hours and historically have not been sticklers about it and we still pay her even when she needs to leave early or come late or take a day off here and there. Essentially we give her a certain amount of flex in her schedule in addition to guaranteed PTO.

This has happened now with two different nannies, and both times around the 3 year mark. Which makes it super hard to reset expectations because our kids are extremely attached to her and she’s deeply integrated into our family and we depend on her. It makes it hard for me to hold her accountable because I really NEED her, and love her.

How have others handled this?

[Anonymous]

Are you having reviews each year? I know it seems silly but you need to- every 6-12 months, sit down and do real review - then you won't be in a position where you let things go and then it seems like too long to address.

[Anonymous]

Good nannies are hard to find and presumably your kids are attached to the nanny (can't tell if you've had two nannies or three nannies from your post).

You only give one example of being "taken advantage of" about a last minute cancellation for a predictable event. That is for sure, unprofessional nanny behavior but have you tried communicating to understand why the nanny didn't tell you about her cancellation? Did she just forget? Set expectations and emphasize what's a priority to you (ex: reliability, good advance communication etc.)

Yes, staff become more comfortable and sometimes more willing to try to get away with things as time goes by. But it's also much easier to have an experienced nanny who can make your household run like clockwork than to train a new nanny into your household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you having reviews each year? I know it seems silly but you need to- every 6-12 months, sit down and do real review - then you won't be in a position where you let things go and then it seems like too long to address.

Op here. I’m not and you’re right, it does feel weird to introduce them now! But I guess I need to just suck it up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good nannies are hard to find and presumably your kids are attached to the nanny (can't tell if you've had two nannies or three nannies from your post).

You only give one example of being "taken advantage of" about a last minute cancellation for a predictable event. That is for sure, unprofessional nanny behavior but have you tried communicating to understand why the nanny didn't tell you about her cancellation? Did she just forget? Set expectations and emphasize what's a priority to you (ex: reliability, good advance communication etc.)

Yes, staff become more comfortable and sometimes more willing to try to get away with things as time goes by. But it's also much easier to have an experienced nanny who can make your household run like clockwork than to train a new nanny into your household.

Op here. We have had 2 in total. One for 4 years, then we moved. And now another for 3 years.

[Anonymous]

I feel this way about cleaners

[Anonymous]

My nanny who was good starting calling in sick more often and cancelling on short notice. I gave her a raise and she went back to being reliable. You can figure out what motivates your nanny OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good nannies are hard to find and presumably your kids are attached to the nanny (can't tell if you've had two nannies or three nannies from your post).

You only give one example of being "taken advantage of" about a last minute cancellation for a predictable event. That is for sure, unprofessional nanny behavior but have you tried communicating to understand why the nanny didn't tell you about her cancellation? Did she just forget? Set expectations and emphasize what's a priority to you (ex: reliability, good advance communication etc.)

Yes, staff become more comfortable and sometimes more willing to try to get away with things as time goes by. But it's also much easier to have an experienced nanny who can make your household run like clockwork than to train a new nanny into your household.

Op here. It was every day that week and now it’s happening again? So hardly just one example. It’s more like 6…..

Great families are also hard to come by and there’s a reason we have had zero problems with retention…..

[Anonymous]

I have had the same problem with nannies, OP. The longer they stayed, the more comfortable they felt with making last-minute schedule changes and other demands, like asking to leave early at the last minute when I had a work event, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good nannies are hard to find and presumably your kids are attached to the nanny (can't tell if you've had two nannies or three nannies from your post).

You only give one example of being "taken advantage of" about a last minute cancellation for a predictable event. That is for sure, unprofessional nanny behavior but have you tried communicating to understand why the nanny didn't tell you about her cancellation? Did she just forget? Set expectations and emphasize what's a priority to you (ex: reliability, good advance communication etc.)

Yes, staff become more comfortable and sometimes more willing to try to get away with things as time goes by. But it's also much easier to have an experienced nanny who can make your household run like clockwork than to train a new nanny into your household.

Op here. It was every day that week and now it’s happening again? So hardly just one example. It’s more like 6…..

Great families are also hard to come by and there’s a reason we have had zero problems with retention…..

Your OP didn't mention that it is happening every day--we can't read minds on an internet forum. What did your nanny say when you asked her about this? Have you documented how many times that she's called in at the last minute and shared that you find it very challenging when she's not working at the high performance she was doing in the past?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good nannies are hard to find and presumably your kids are attached to the nanny (can't tell if you've had two nannies or three nannies from your post).

You only give one example of being "taken advantage of" about a last minute cancellation for a predictable event. That is for sure, unprofessional nanny behavior but have you tried communicating to understand why the nanny didn't tell you about her cancellation? Did she just forget? Set expectations and emphasize what's a priority to you (ex: reliability, good advance communication etc.)

Yes, staff become more comfortable and sometimes more willing to try to get away with things as time goes by. But it's also much easier to have an experienced nanny who can make your household run like clockwork than to train a new nanny into your household.

Op here. It was every day that week and now it’s happening again? So hardly just one example. It’s more like 6…..

Great families are also hard to come by and there’s a reason we have had zero problems with retention…..

If someone is calling in every day of a week with different excuses, they're not into the job you're offering. Find out why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good nannies are hard to find and presumably your kids are attached to the nanny (can't tell if you've had two nannies or three nannies from your post).

You only give one example of being "taken advantage of" about a last minute cancellation for a predictable event. That is for sure, unprofessional nanny behavior but have you tried communicating to understand why the nanny didn't tell you about her cancellation? Did she just forget? Set expectations and emphasize what's a priority to you (ex: reliability, good advance communication etc.)

Yes, staff become more comfortable and sometimes more willing to try to get away with things as time goes by. But it's also much easier to have an experienced nanny who can make your household run like clockwork than to train a new nanny into your household.

Op here. It was every day that week and now it’s happening again? So hardly just one example. It’s more like 6…..

Great families are also hard to come by and there’s a reason we have had zero problems with retention…..

Your OP didn't mention that it is happening every day--we can't read minds on an internet forum. What did your nanny say when you asked her about this? Have you documented how many times that she's called in at the last minute and shared that you find it very challenging when she's not working at the high performance she was doing in the past?

Op here. Thanks. Not to be pedantic but I did actually say it was almost every day the week of her child’s sports tournament. And now we’re running into the same thing.

I did share it’s challenging, her response was to talk in a lot of detail about her son’s tournament and what a big deal it is that he’s doing so well. And I totally agree! Just absolutely bizarre she wouldn’t have taken the week off or let us know more than 10 minutes in advance.

And now she’s calling off this week for something else kid related.

I totally get that Nannies are human beings with lives and families. But it’s starting to feel a bit like she’s figured out that so long as she blames her unreliability on her kids then I won’t say anything.

I’m just feeling annoyed because in her entire time working with us, we have never-NOT EVEN ONCE-denied a request for time off. If she had just told us about these things in advance we could make other arrangements. She’s not even being apologetic about it anymore.

I wouldn’t be so mad if she was just a straight hourly employee but paying her so much for so few hours is really starting to suck.

[Anonymous]

You need to have a discussion with her about time off and how much notice you need and revisit your PTO policy with her. If she isn't giving you notice of days off, I would not be paying her for them. So, yes, she can take the day off, because you can't force her to come in, but she won't be paid for it. It is untenable to have an unreliable nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to have a discussion with her about time off and how much notice you need and revisit your PTO policy with her. If she isn't giving you notice of days off, I would not be paying her for them. So, yes, she can take the day off, because you can't force her to come in, but she won't be paid for it. It is untenable to have an unreliable nanny.

+1 This. Set the limits you can deal with, and she has to live by it or not get paid. That said, if it's a sports tournament, sometimes those things are decided at the very last minute after a team wins the qualifying match. In that case, there's not much you can do other than to have your nanny keep you posted that this team event *might* happen.

[Anonymous]

It might be that as nanny kids get older there are more family demands on nanny time.
Maybe she needs a new job and you need a new nanny every few years. Or a nanny with no kids or grown kids.