How To Handle Pushy Anti-Private Relative Who Left Private for Financial Reasons

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a close relative who left a 'Big 3' for financial reasons years ago. Her children are now in public school. When her kids were in private, mine were in public. However, during the pandemic, I pulled mine out of public and put them in private school (not a Big 3/5) and it's been like night and day, especially for one of my kids, who has really taken to the environment and blossomed. We are committed to putting both kids through private high school. However, EVERY time I see this relative (which is frequently) she points out how wonderful her public school is (it is not) and makes snide comments about how the public high school grads are going to the same colleges as the private school kids. Although I have many thoughts about her comments - I have spared her my honest response. I have tried to be so polite because I know where this is coming from but I would like to shut her down once and for all without sounding like I am being condescending or doing something that would impact our relationship. Any ideas?

"That is just wonderful. I am so happy for you and for Sammy and Susie. What are you all doing for vacation?"

First two sentences are great. I'd pick another topic for changing the subject - apparently public school relative is having financial difficulties. Maybe ask her for some good crockpot recipes or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Honestly?

" However, EVERY time I see this relative (which is frequently) she points out how wonderful her public school is (it is not) and makes snide comments about how the public high school grads are going to the same colleges as the private school kids."

Why on earth would you feel that your knowledge of the public school her children attend is superior to hers? I doubt this is a one way street. I'm guessing your sense of superiority is coming across to her, and there's a reason you're dealing with her comments.

[Anonymous]

If she brings up how wonderful public is WITHOUT any prompting every time she sees you, then yeah, the first PP had the perfect response.

If this comes up because you guys are talking about schools every time, then stop initiating any conversations about schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a close relative who left a 'Big 3' for financial reasons years ago. Her children are now in public school. When her kids were in private, mine were in public. However, during the pandemic, I pulled mine out of public and put them in private school (not a Big 3/5) and it's been like night and day, especially for one of my kids, who has really taken to the environment and blossomed. We are committed to putting both kids through private high school. However, EVERY time I see this relative (which is frequently) she points out how wonderful her public school is (it is not) and makes snide comments about how the public high school grads are going to the same colleges as the private school kids. Although I have many thoughts about her comments - I have spared her my honest response. I have tried to be so polite because I know where this is coming from but I would like to shut her down once and for all without sounding like I am being condescending or doing something that would impact our relationship. Any ideas?

What have you tried before? How has she responded?

Have you tried I'm glad all of our kids are doing well and I hope we won't rehash this conversation again? If she is close you should be able to tell her gently that you don't want to talk about it.

[Anonymous]

It’s normal for families with kids to talk about school. I would think it would be weird to never mention it. Why does your relative’s positive comments about public school bother you? (Seriously wondering now if everyone thinks I’m bitter when I praise our local public)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why in the world would you say you are sparing her your honest response? Like you’re really dying to put her down? Believe it or not some people really do prefer public.

It has nothing to do with public vs private. Lots of people do like their public but people who are confident don't go around elevating their school all the time. It's like who is she trying to convince the op or herself?

If anyone keeps repeating the same conversation it gets boring. Does she want op to say "I am wasting my money on private and you are the smart one for going public since it is so superior?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s normal for families with kids to talk about school. I would think it would be weird to never mention it. Why does your relative’s positive comments about public school bother you? (Seriously wondering now if everyone thinks I’m bitter when I praise our local public)

Is that all your talk about? Not movies you have seen or books you have read? It gets tiring to have the same conversation!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s normal for families with kids to talk about school. I would think it would be weird to never mention it. Why does your relative’s positive comments about public school bother you? (Seriously wondering now if everyone thinks I’m bitter when I praise our local public)

Is that all your talk about? Not movies you have seen or books you have read? It gets tiring to have the same conversation!

Yes we taking about movies and books and travel … and school . It comes up

[Anonymous]

I would just say how blessed/ privileged you feel to send your kids to private and that you understand she must be so happy to save all of that money on public ...say it nicely and she won't know if you're being sweet or snarky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why in the world would you say you are sparing her your honest response? Like you’re really dying to put her down? Believe it or not some people really do prefer public.

+1

OP is so righteous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It has nothing to do with public vs private.

In OP's mind, it has everything[b] to do with this.
She hates that her relative points out how happy she is with her public school and desperately wants to tell her why her private school is better.

silly for both of them...talk about a good book instead

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It has nothing to do with public vs private.

In OP's mind, it has everything[b] to do with this.
She hates that her relative points out how happy she is with her public school and desperately wants to tell her why her private school is better.

silly for both of them...talk about a good book instead

This is OP. Sorry for just getting back to this thread but this person and I are in the same school district (zoned for the same high school) and I know everything there is to know about this high school. I also know she is very sensitive about the fact she had to withdraw her kids from their private school and was embarrassed when it happened especially because many of her close friends’ kids are in private schools and she is very prickly about the college outcome discussion - ie, always quick to point out that “Larla at Stone Ridge is going to Cornell but Xi Yuon Wu at her kid’s public high school also got in - so see you don’t need private school!” But it is constant.

That kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Sorry for just getting back to this thread but this person and I are in the same school district (zoned for the same high school) and I know everything there is to know about this high school. I also know she is very sensitive about the fact she had to withdraw her kids from their private school and was embarrassed when it happened especially because many of her close friends’ kids are in private schools and she is very prickly about the college outcome discussion - ie, always quick to point out that “Larla at Stone Ridge is going to Cornell but Xi Yuon Wu at her kid’s public high school also got in - so see you don’t need private school!” But it is constant.

That kind of thing. She doesn’t understand that we just don’t like the public high school for a variety of reasons but don’t want to list them and insult her so I just have to stay muted while she rants. Do public school parents understand that private school students make up just a tiny portion of the student population in this country and that you cannot fill any top college or university or any college at all with private school students so there WILL ALWAYS be colleges full of both private and public school students - it’s such a low brow argument.

[Anonymous]

OP you seem equally or more invested in making your point and winning the argument

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you’re jealous or bothered for no real reason.

She is saying nice things about her public school . I’m also in public, love it, and celebrate when I see these kids succeed ..: and I share all this with my family members who send their kids to private. It never occurred to me that they would think I was jealous or trying to put them down. What is wrong with you?

New PP. I don't understand why anyone needs to celebrate public or private - just celebrate the kid. It's the gushing about the school (either way) that rubs people the wrong way.