We don’t agree on moving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to move at all for a second baby. You already have 1500 sq feet.

+1. Stay where you are. You don’t need 3 bedrooms for 2 small kids. They can share a room.

Interest rates are awful right now so it’s not a good time to buy a home. Paying 10k for a 3bd rental also seems like a bad idea, financially.

OP here. We will be spending $2-3mil on a home and it will equal out. I still think we are throwing our money away.

My husband likes the convenience of everything. We have a Target across the street, Whole Foods two blocks away, multiple restaurants with a mile radius, our nanny lives within walking distance. There’s an excellent daycare with a mile of us if we ever go that route.

Buying a house would mean a large commute, added expenses with outsourcing, and having to find a new nanny.

I still hate that we are throwing away so much money.

There’s nothing in between these two options? It’s a 3 million dollar house or 8k in rent? Are you in Manhattan?

OP here. We wouldn’t want to buy a thing in between. It doesn’t make sense because we would turn around and buy a house in 2-3 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to move at all for a second baby. You already have 1500 sq feet.

+1. Stay where you are. You don’t need 3 bedrooms for 2 small kids. They can share a room.

Interest rates are awful right now so it’s not a good time to buy a home. Paying 10k for a 3bd rental also seems like a bad idea, financially.

OP here. We will be spending $2-3mil on a home and it will equal out. I still think we are throwing our money away.

My husband likes the convenience of everything. We have a Target across the street, Whole Foods two blocks away, multiple restaurants with a mile radius, our nanny lives within walking distance. There’s an excellent daycare with a mile of us if we ever go that route.

Buying a house would mean a large commute, added expenses with outsourcing, and having to find a new nanny.

I still hate that we are throwing away so much money.

There’s nothing in between these two options? It’s a 3 million dollar house or 8k in rent? Are you in Manhattan?

OP here. We wouldn’t want to buy a thing in between. It doesn’t make sense because we would turn around and buy a house in 2-3 years.

So you can afford the 2-3 million dollar house, including if rates continue to increase?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be comfortable with the rental but also do not love interest rates. I would personally truly break out costs for both and see which one you can tolerate. Also, can you get away with the new baby in your room for a bit to put off moving?

OP here. We do plan to have the new baby in our room for 4-6 months. I suppose they can share a room but it will be tight.

We absolutely love the building. My husband works from home and works in the work lounge, my work is a 10 minute walk, our nanny enjoys him the infant playroom ( never anyone else in there), we love the gym, it’s close to shopping, running trails, and restaurants. I feel very safe when he’s away on business. It fits our life very well.

I just wish we had more space because baby stuff makes things very cluttered.

We would spend more on a house with taxes but it’s an investment.

We have the means to afford our lifestyle.

This sounds terrible for the nanny. Having to move to another location in the building because of cramped living conditions? Husband having to work in a glorified wework?

Sorry but you’re used to suboptimal living conditions and paying $8k a month.

If you want an urban lifestyle like this you simply don’t have kids. Or you grow up and accept the reality and you move to the burbs like everyone else. The other option is you’re wealthy enough to live a nice lifestyle and doesn’t sound like you are.

OP here. My husband has an entire floor almost all to himself with all the work spaces. The work room has a conference and a separate huge floor with a bar, ice machine, microwave, fridge, and enough space to fit about 50 people comfortably.

He can work in the room with his desk but he enjoys being able to work in a separate space.

The infant playroom is the sizes of like 4 large cars. It’s massive. The gym itself is also the size of a large condo. There is no subpar standard living here.

Then what’s the problem?

I lived like this when I was 30. It was great at the time but I’d never want this lifestyle with two children. I want my kids to have their own bedrooms, kids to play in the yard, to park in my own driveway etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to move at all for a second baby. You already have 1500 sq feet.

+1. Stay where you are. You don’t need 3 bedrooms for 2 small kids. They can share a room.

Interest rates are awful right now so it’s not a good time to buy a home. Paying 10k for a 3bd rental also seems like a bad idea, financially.

OP here. We will be spending $2-3mil on a home and it will equal out. I still think we are throwing our money away.

My husband likes the convenience of everything. We have a Target across the street, Whole Foods two blocks away, multiple restaurants with a mile radius, our nanny lives within walking distance. There’s an excellent daycare with a mile of us if we ever go that route.

Buying a house would mean a large commute, added expenses with outsourcing, and having to find a new nanny.

I still hate that we are throwing away so much money.

There’s nothing in between these two options? It’s a 3 million dollar house or 8k in rent? Are you in Manhattan?

OP here. We wouldn’t want to buy a thing in between. It doesn’t make sense because we would turn around and buy a house in 2-3 years.

So you can afford the 2-3 million dollar house, including if rates continue to increase?

OP here. We can. We have high HHI, several investments, and my husband has family money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be comfortable with the rental but also do not love interest rates. I would personally truly break out costs for both and see which one you can tolerate. Also, can you get away with the new baby in your room for a bit to put off moving?

OP here. We do plan to have the new baby in our room for 4-6 months. I suppose they can share a room but it will be tight.

We absolutely love the building. My husband works from home and works in the work lounge, my work is a 10 minute walk, our nanny enjoys him the infant playroom ( never anyone else in there), we love the gym, it’s close to shopping, running trails, and restaurants. I feel very safe when he’s away on business. It fits our life very well.

I just wish we had more space because baby stuff makes things very cluttered.

We would spend more on a house with taxes but it’s an investment.

We have the means to afford our lifestyle.

This sounds terrible for the nanny. Having to move to another location in the building because of cramped living conditions? Husband having to work in a glorified wework?

Sorry but you’re used to suboptimal living conditions and paying $8k a month.

If you want an urban lifestyle like this you simply don’t have kids. Or you grow up and accept the reality and you move to the burbs like everyone else. The other option is you’re wealthy enough to live a nice lifestyle and doesn’t sound like you are.

OP here. My husband has an entire floor almost all to himself with all the work spaces. The work room has a conference and a separate huge floor with a bar, ice machine, microwave, fridge, and enough space to fit about 50 people comfortably.

He can work in the room with his desk but he enjoys being able to work in a separate space.

The infant playroom is the sizes of like 4 large cars. It’s massive. The gym itself is also the size of a large condo. There is no subpar standard living here.

Then what’s the problem?

I lived like this when I was 30. It was great at the time but I’d never want this lifestyle with two children. I want my kids to have their own bedrooms, kids to play in the yard, to park in my own driveway etc.

OP here. This what I want but my husband doesn’t. He usually makes most of our decisions for our family but I need to push back on this one.

We love our lifestyle but it no longer fits for an expending family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be comfortable with the rental but also do not love interest rates. I would personally truly break out costs for both and see which one you can tolerate. Also, can you get away with the new baby in your room for a bit to put off moving?

OP here. We do plan to have the new baby in our room for 4-6 months. I suppose they can share a room but it will be tight.

We absolutely love the building. My husband works from home and works in the work lounge, my work is a 10 minute walk, our nanny enjoys him the infant playroom ( never anyone else in there), we love the gym, it’s close to shopping, running trails, and restaurants. I feel very safe when he’s away on business. It fits our life very well.

I just wish we had more space because baby stuff makes things very cluttered.

We would spend more on a house with taxes but it’s an investment.

We have the means to afford our lifestyle.

This sounds terrible for the nanny. Having to move to another location in the building because of cramped living conditions? Husband having to work in a glorified wework?

Sorry but you’re used to suboptimal living conditions and paying $8k a month.

If you want an urban lifestyle like this you simply don’t have kids. Or you grow up and accept the reality and you move to the burbs like everyone else. The other option is you’re wealthy enough to live a nice lifestyle and doesn’t sound like you are.

OP here. Typo. Our nanny has the living room and nursery. It has good space. She enjoys taking him around the areas of the building and to the playroom to break up the day. She also takes him for walks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be comfortable with the rental but also do not love interest rates. I would personally truly break out costs for both and see which one you can tolerate. Also, can you get away with the new baby in your room for a bit to put off moving?

OP here. We do plan to have the new baby in our room for 4-6 months. I suppose they can share a room but it will be tight.

We absolutely love the building. My husband works from home and works in the work lounge, my work is a 10 minute walk, our nanny enjoys him the infant playroom ( never anyone else in there), we love the gym, it’s close to shopping, running trails, and restaurants. I feel very safe when he’s away on business. It fits our life very well.

I just wish we had more space because baby stuff makes things very cluttered.

We would spend more on a house with taxes but it’s an investment.

We have the means to afford our lifestyle.

This sounds terrible for the nanny. Having to move to another location in the building because of cramped living conditions? Husband having to work in a glorified wework?

Sorry but you’re used to suboptimal living conditions and paying $8k a month.

If you want an urban lifestyle like this you simply don’t have kids. Or you grow up and accept the reality and you move to the burbs like everyone else. The other option is you’re wealthy enough to live a nice lifestyle and doesn’t sound like you are.

OP here. My husband has an entire floor almost all to himself with all the work spaces. The work room has a conference and a separate huge floor with a bar, ice machine, microwave, fridge, and enough space to fit about 50 people comfortably.

He can work in the room with his desk but he enjoys being able to work in a separate space.

The infant playroom is the sizes of like 4 large cars. It’s massive. The gym itself is also the size of a large condo. There is no subpar standard living here.

Then what’s the problem?

I lived like this when I was 30. It was great at the time but I’d never want this lifestyle with two children. I want my kids to have their own bedrooms, kids to play in the yard, to park in my own driveway etc.

OP here. I was defending our lifestyle because PP said we live “ subpar”. We live in a luxury high rise that is one of the most sought after in our area.

[Anonymous]

There's no problem with any of the options you've laid out if you can afford them. Personally I'd just stay in the 2br for a few more years, but I'm currently in a much smaller apartment with two kids and it's working out fine. We could afford to move to a great house in the suburbs but are happier here. So pick the lifestyle that makes YOU/DH happiest, or find a compromise somehow. But don't worry about what you think is best for the kids among these options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be comfortable with the rental but also do not love interest rates. I would personally truly break out costs for both and see which one you can tolerate. Also, can you get away with the new baby in your room for a bit to put off moving?

OP here. We do plan to have the new baby in our room for 4-6 months. I suppose they can share a room but it will be tight.

We absolutely love the building. My husband works from home and works in the work lounge, my work is a 10 minute walk, our nanny enjoys him the infant playroom ( never anyone else in there), we love the gym, it’s close to shopping, running trails, and restaurants. I feel very safe when he’s away on business. It fits our life very well.

I just wish we had more space because baby stuff makes things very cluttered.

We would spend more on a house with taxes but it’s an investment.

We have the means to afford our lifestyle.

This sounds terrible for the nanny. Having to move to another location in the building because of cramped living conditions? Husband having to work in a glorified wework?

Sorry but you’re used to suboptimal living conditions and paying $8k a month.

If you want an urban lifestyle like this you simply don’t have kids. Or you grow up and accept the reality and you move to the burbs like everyone else. The other option is you’re wealthy enough to live a nice lifestyle and doesn’t sound like you are.

OP here. My husband has an entire floor almost all to himself with all the work spaces. The work room has a conference and a separate huge floor with a bar, ice machine, microwave, fridge, and enough space to fit about 50 people comfortably.

He can work in the room with his desk but he enjoys being able to work in a separate space.

The infant playroom is the sizes of like 4 large cars. It’s massive. The gym itself is also the size of a large condo. There is no subpar standard living here.

Then what’s the problem?

I lived like this when I was 30. It was great at the time but I’d never want this lifestyle with two children. I want my kids to have their own bedrooms, kids to play in the yard, to park in my own driveway etc.

OP here. This what I want but my husband doesn’t. He usually makes most of our decisions for our family but I need to push back on this one.

We love our lifestyle but it no longer fits for an expending family.

Are you already pregnant? I’d simply refuse to have baby #2 with a man who won’t let me live in a house even though we can easily afford it. He’s being selfish and likely delusional. I’d tell him you’ll need to stick with one kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be comfortable with the rental but also do not love interest rates. I would personally truly break out costs for both and see which one you can tolerate. Also, can you get away with the new baby in your room for a bit to put off moving?

OP here. We do plan to have the new baby in our room for 4-6 months. I suppose they can share a room but it will be tight.

We absolutely love the building. My husband works from home and works in the work lounge, my work is a 10 minute walk, our nanny enjoys him the infant playroom ( never anyone else in there), we love the gym, it’s close to shopping, running trails, and restaurants. I feel very safe when he’s away on business. It fits our life very well.

I just wish we had more space because baby stuff makes things very cluttered.

We would spend more on a house with taxes but it’s an investment.

We have the means to afford our lifestyle.

This sounds terrible for the nanny. Having to move to another location in the building because of cramped living conditions? Husband having to work in a glorified wework?

Sorry but you’re used to suboptimal living conditions and paying $8k a month.

If you want an urban lifestyle like this you simply don’t have kids. Or you grow up and accept the reality and you move to the burbs like everyone else. The other option is you’re wealthy enough to live a nice lifestyle and doesn’t sound like you are.

OP here. My husband has an entire floor almost all to himself with all the work spaces. The work room has a conference and a separate huge floor with a bar, ice machine, microwave, fridge, and enough space to fit about 50 people comfortably.

He can work in the room with his desk but he enjoys being able to work in a separate space.

The infant playroom is the sizes of like 4 large cars. It’s massive. The gym itself is also the size of a large condo. There is no subpar standard living here.

Then what’s the problem?

I lived like this when I was 30. It was great at the time but I’d never want this lifestyle with two children. I want my kids to have their own bedrooms, kids to play in the yard, to park in my own driveway etc.

OP here. I was defending our lifestyle because PP said we live “ subpar”. We live in a luxury high rise that is one of the most sought after in our area.

Ok but most mothers of two don’t want to live in a 2 bedroom apartment with their nanny hanging out in the infant room during the day. Maybe if you live in Manhattan where this is more normal, but not in other cities. Reasonable people want more space, can afford it so they move.

Tell your DH you can live in a place like this again but not with young kids.

The situation will likely work itself out anyway. He’ll eventually be driven mad with two toddlers in a 2 bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be comfortable with the rental but also do not love interest rates. I would personally truly break out costs for both and see which one you can tolerate. Also, can you get away with the new baby in your room for a bit to put off moving?

OP here. We do plan to have the new baby in our room for 4-6 months. I suppose they can share a room but it will be tight.

We absolutely love the building. My husband works from home and works in the work lounge, my work is a 10 minute walk, our nanny enjoys him the infant playroom ( never anyone else in there), we love the gym, it’s close to shopping, running trails, and restaurants. I feel very safe when he’s away on business. It fits our life very well.

I just wish we had more space because baby stuff makes things very cluttered.

We would spend more on a house with taxes but it’s an investment.

We have the means to afford our lifestyle.

This sounds terrible for the nanny. Having to move to another location in the building because of cramped living conditions? Husband having to work in a glorified wework?

Sorry but you’re used to suboptimal living conditions and paying $8k a month.

If you want an urban lifestyle like this you simply don’t have kids. Or you grow up and accept the reality and you move to the burbs like everyone else. The other option is you’re wealthy enough to live a nice lifestyle and doesn’t sound like you are.

OP here. My husband has an entire floor almost all to himself with all the work spaces. The work room has a conference and a separate huge floor with a bar, ice machine, microwave, fridge, and enough space to fit about 50 people comfortably.

He can work in the room with his desk but he enjoys being able to work in a separate space.

The infant playroom is the sizes of like 4 large cars. It’s massive. The gym itself is also the size of a large condo. There is no subpar standard living here.

Then what’s the problem?

I lived like this when I was 30. It was great at the time but I’d never want this lifestyle with two children. I want my kids to have their own bedrooms, kids to play in the yard, to park in my own driveway etc.

OP here. This what I want but my husband doesn’t. He usually makes most of our decisions for our family but I need to push back on this one.

We love our lifestyle but it no longer fits for an expending family.

Are you already pregnant? I’d simply refuse to have baby #2 with a man who won’t let me live in a house even though we can easily afford it. He’s being selfish and likely delusional. I’d tell him you’ll need to stick with one kid.

OP here. No but I’m hoping to be within the next year. Our child is almost 8 months old.

He meshes done valid points. I don’t think he’s selfish since it fits our current lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be comfortable with the rental but also do not love interest rates. I would personally truly break out costs for both and see which one you can tolerate. Also, can you get away with the new baby in your room for a bit to put off moving?

OP here. We do plan to have the new baby in our room for 4-6 months. I suppose they can share a room but it will be tight.

We absolutely love the building. My husband works from home and works in the work lounge, my work is a 10 minute walk, our nanny enjoys him the infant playroom ( never anyone else in there), we love the gym, it’s close to shopping, running trails, and restaurants. I feel very safe when he’s away on business. It fits our life very well.

I just wish we had more space because baby stuff makes things very cluttered.

We would spend more on a house with taxes but it’s an investment.

We have the means to afford our lifestyle.

This sounds terrible for the nanny. Having to move to another location in the building because of cramped living conditions? Husband having to work in a glorified wework?

Sorry but you’re used to suboptimal living conditions and paying $8k a month.

If you want an urban lifestyle like this you simply don’t have kids. Or you grow up and accept the reality and you move to the burbs like everyone else. The other option is you’re wealthy enough to live a nice lifestyle and doesn’t sound like you are.

OP here. My husband has an entire floor almost all to himself with all the work spaces. The work room has a conference and a separate huge floor with a bar, ice machine, microwave, fridge, and enough space to fit about 50 people comfortably.

He can work in the room with his desk but he enjoys being able to work in a separate space.

The infant playroom is the sizes of like 4 large cars. It’s massive. The gym itself is also the size of a large condo. There is no subpar standard living here.

Then what’s the problem?

I lived like this when I was 30. It was great at the time but I’d never want this lifestyle with two children. I want my kids to have their own bedrooms, kids to play in the yard, to park in my own driveway etc.

OP here. I was defending our lifestyle because PP said we live “ subpar”. We live in a luxury high rise that is one of the most sought after in our area.

Ok but most mothers of two don’t want to live in a 2 bedroom apartment with their nanny hanging out in the infant room during the day. Maybe if you live in Manhattan where this is more normal, but not in other cities. Reasonable people want more space, can afford it so they move.

Tell your DH you can live in a place like this again but not with young kids.

The situation will likely work itself out anyway. He’ll eventually be driven mad with two toddlers in a 2 bedroom.

OP here. She has unlimited access to our unit. She’s the only one there all day. She enjoys using the infant playroom and other areas to break up the day. She only spends about 1 hour a day in there. Most of the time she’s in our unit.

[Anonymous]

until kid(s) are old ready to go to school

He's not wrong. The two of you are NOT that far apart on your views. A few years difference. If one person is a no (for now), it's a no. Enjoy the birth of #2. That will be a lot of adjusting. There is no assurance the adjustment will be better if you add-in house hunting, packing and moving at the same time. When it's a better time to move, and when they are ready for school is reasonable, you can move then.

[Anonymous]

We lived in Manhattan for over 2 decades and now that we are in a suburb we miss it every day. You either love living in a high rise in a big city or you don't. And the thought of a long commute?

Since you can afford it, I would stay put until your DH is going crazy with the cramped space. In the meantime, you can look to see if there is anything that excite both of you.

Things are good now. The quickest way to an unhappy marriage is making one person compromise when the other person is forcing what they want.

[Anonymous]

Dont move yet. If dh is working from home/communal space then hes using all the amenities and the gym etc. He will be in the house more if you move and it will be much more annoying for the nanny and him.