Questions for People in Their 50s With Career Success and Family "Success" (success defined as deep satisfaction)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does high salary mean? Have you paid off your house, have college fully funded, and setup down payment and trusts for your kids and plan to retire at 55?

We both stayed in the $190k Fed job which was interesting work but mostly because it felt too hard to disrupt lifestyle of kids with a job that required one of us to work beyond the 9-5. Now we will work into our 70s as a result of that choice.

I certainly wished I had doubled down and earned the big money to have real options as I near 60! If you think you family can handle your absence go for it. I will say middle and early high school were the most demanding for after school activities, helping kids with homework or projects, so they really don’t get easier in a lot of ways.

You seriously mismanaged your money if youre a fed (pension) and brought home 400K for an even just a decade and still can't retire.

3 kids college is projected to be $1.5M

House is $1.2M in middling school district with decent commute.

Helping 3 kids with down payment, $900k

We haven’t always made near $400k, 10 years ago my salary was $90k, and spouse was $130k.

I do think we saved poorly, because we bought our house late because we always planned to return to home, and cash savings make terrible investments. We have no family safety net, so always worried about someone losing job or getting sick and not working (both our parents lost jobs or dropped out of work force at 50, and it was very difficult time in our upbringing).

We really want to give our kids the safety net we didn’t have when they are starting out, so we will keep working until that is built.

You’re house poor.

Yes, we are aware of that, so what should we do? Get a time machine?

It’s a choice to pay $1.5M for college. My lord. State schools would be way less.

Do you have six kids? You are projecting college costs for three and also helping three with a down payment??

I hope you guys start caring for yourselves first.

Getting into the good state schools is no guarantee anymore. It’s a blood sport.

[Anonymous]

I'm a few yrs older than you and started earlier on kids so one is done w/college, one in college, and one in HS. Lived in this area my entire life and am happy w/where we are $ and family-wise.
1. What did you find rewarding about your job? What have you enjoyed? I've had 2 main careers - first when kids were little, made very little $ but off work by 3pm each day. Make about 6x now and work a lot more. Not really looking for much of a reward outside financial but it's interesting, I work hard, and most of the people are decent.
2. What do you wish you did differently? Honestly, nothing. Starting a family early was tough but glad I did. Buying a crappy house and fixing it up was a lot with little kids but very rewarding (esp $$).

It's all about balance. If you're lucky enough to be raising kids with a partner, share the load. The kids will be better for it and you won't resent each other. $$ only gets you so far - can't take it with you.

[Anonymous]

I'm a lifelong fed and retiring this year at my minimum retirement age (56). One kid in collage and one kid in high school. Pension offers plenty of money and we have the college fund almost paid for. Spouse is also lifelong fed who will retire at MRA (56.5). Career was interesting and rewarding. Very happy with life.

[Anonymous]

Interesting thread.

1. What did you find rewarding about your job? What have you enjoyed?

Fed lawyer and have loved my job for most of the last almost three decades. Some of the political appointees we’ve worked closely with have been a nightmare but the vast majority from either party have not. I have loved working with smart, dedicated people and the extremely tight-knit culture in my office. Client offices are very appreciative of my work, and I’ve developed a lot of friendships through the years. I’m paid more than I ever dreamed I would be to analyze new problems every day. Zero travel and 99% of my work done via email. An introvert’s dream.

2. What do you wish you did differently?

Nothing, really either work- or family-wise, except as noted below. I’m a very content woman in my mid fifties not sure whether I’ll retire at 56.5 or 62 (a lot of Feds grapple with this exact choice.). If my DH were answering this question, or I on his behalf, it would be a much tougher thing to respond to. He’s had an enormously stressful job for the last couple decades, which pays extremely well. It comes with much more flexibility that most high-paying jobs but is hellish for someone of his personality type. He’s hated it and been stressed out by it since the beginning, but he’s excellent at it and it comes with a lot of perks besides salary and reasonable flexibility. He is obsessed with setting our family up for the future.

3. What "mattered" to you at the end of the day, now in your mid 50s? Are you happy you pursued career achievement? Has the money made a meaningful difference?

I have always wanted to have a happy marriage, time with my kids, and financial security after a childhood with a lot of turbulence and fear. I’m happy to have achieved those things, though my DH contributed hugely to all of the above. I certainly don’t regret working full time or being a Fed, though I never was interested in a “big job”. I feel content with a GS-15 salary, very healthy TSP balance, and pension to come. Many of my friends from law school have vastly more impressive jobs than I do, and I love hearing about them but don’t feel any angst over my more plodding course.

4. How did you handle raising your family if you are happy with what you did? What would you have done differently?

No regrets on the family front. We have two young adult kids and a teen, and they are all happy and doing well. Being two full-time working parents has never been too much of a struggle, but we’ve had plenty of support in addition to the flexibility of both our jobs—local family who love helping out, great sports carpools, good child care that we could easily afford.

My husband’s job stress has been the biggest negative factor in our lives, and I’m glad he’s looking to retire in the next few years. I think he would have been pretty content with a job like mine, though he does like to be the one in charge. I hope when he looks back he’ll conclude it was all worth it. He would absolutely have made a change within months if his job were compromising time with the kids and me.

[Anonymous]

Mid 50s here and very satisfied with how things have turned out both with family/kids and job.

About 15 years ago I chose to dial back a pretty successful career track to allow more time for family & kids; still working, but with slower to little career growth than if I'd been solely career focused. It was a decision I was 100% behind but I recognize others might not choose. That said, I know very few people who have fully optimized BOTH career and family; typically there are trade-offs to be made, and only you can determine what side of the scale feels right to focus your efforts more heavily on right now.

The one thing you didn't ask about is spouses/partner's career. IMO that is an essential factor in the decision you're facing. Unfortunately several of the families I've known with two parents pursuing super-demanding careers while raising multiple kids have faced some collateral problems that I wished to avoid (not to suggest those problems couldn't have happened without such career demands, but there's no doubt it contributed to stress and fallout.) In our situation, my spouse was running a fast-growing startup with a lot of demands on his time. Fortunately he's also a very involved parent, but I understood that one of us needed more flexibility in our schedules to be able to fully support our kids; I was more than happy to be that person. I wanted to invest more time being present as a parent, knowing how fleeting the child-raising years are. Sure enough, the years flew by and now I'm SO grateful I made the pivot I did. I honestly could not have invested the time I did into our children's well being and development had I continued on the career path I'd previously been on. No regrets.

And now I'm on chapter two (very different) of my career and enjoying where that is heading. I'm not making headlines but I'm content.

3. What "mattered" to you at the end of the day, now in your mid 50s?
Looking back, raising grounded, kind and responsible young adults that we truly enjoy being around seems like the most important "job" we've invested in. Of course, it's certainly possible to have both a successful career and "successful" kids (however you define each of those), but I personally couldn't see a healthy outcome had I continued my career with the intensity I'd had earlier.

Life is good. And we've absolutely had a large dose of luck and good fortune along the way, too.

[Anonymous]

We are 54 and 56- both feds- DH was fed, law firm and back to Feds. I am a career SES. We bought a house in 2000 for 450K and it is paid off. Worth about $1.5M and about $16k in taxes, HOA and insurance. Kids are both in college and it is funded.

We are planning to retire in 3 years. I am going to get a fun job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does high salary mean? Have you paid off your house, have college fully funded, and setup down payment and trusts for your kids and plan to retire at 55?

We both stayed in the $190k Fed job which was interesting work but mostly because it felt too hard to disrupt lifestyle of kids with a job that required one of us to work beyond the 9-5. Now we will work into our 70s as a result of that choice.

I certainly wished I had doubled down and earned the big money to have real options as I near 60! If you think you family can handle your absence go for it. I will say middle and early high school were the most demanding for after school activities, helping kids with homework or projects, so they really don’t get easier in a lot of ways.

There is no guarantee you work more than 9-5 you will make big bucks. A lot of places ask you to work 11-13 hours per day and pay you 30% more than the government job, as a result your 30% more pay normally go to outsource household stuff and you end up with worse health condition in 5 years. And you may end up fired by stingy owners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a lifelong fed and retiring this year at my minimum retirement age (56). One kid in collage and one kid in high school. Pension offers plenty of money and we have the college fund almost paid for. Spouse is also lifelong fed who will retire at MRA (56.5). Career was interesting and rewarding. Very happy with life. [/quote

anything earlier than 62 is unemployed.

[Anonymous]

I managed to goof off and enjoy life till I was 35. Party all the time.

Got married 36 still making peanuts as spent prior 14 years clubbing and dating and coming to work hung over.

By 45 had three kids, a house. SAHW and a 400k a year salary.

My income peaked at 755k when I was 55.

I only made 55 a year at 35. I moved my salary 700k over 20 years the partying and a SAHW helped. Since I only started focusing on work around 40 I was very fresh from 45 to 55 while my coworkers my age were burnt out.

I have a 1.8 million home and 600k beach house and all colleges fully funded and seceral million in my retirement accounts. And no interest in retiring to 70. Goofing off till 35 I still feel motivate and young.

[Anonymous]

This is OP, thanks for the responses. I’m seeing a bit of a common thread for federal service which I’ve been considering (I moved to DC bc I thought I’d eventually go to government). I’m a lawyer by training and have worked in big law and in house for the last 10 years. I’ve been the breadwinner and my salary has been $350-400k for the last 4 years. My spouse has had a couple of layoffs (startups) and his salary has been below $200k.

Our kids college funds are fully funded for private, our mortgage is around $400k at 3.5 percent. We have been able to afford everything we want.

I’ve worked between 35-50 hours a week but with lots of flexibility (and my spouse is a very involved parent as well). As I mentioned I’m ambitious and want to lead a team and tap into my creativity. But I also want to continue to be an involved parent. Mentally, I’m a bit anxious and have always prioritized school and work, partially due to upbringing and partially personality. I have trouble being present generally.

I guess I say all that to give a sense as to why it’s kind of challenging to figure out what I really want, and also what I really need.

[Anonymous]

These are lovely answers. As a 41 year old with three young kids who stresses out enormously about my career and balance and trying to enjoy life, it’s nice to be reminded that it’s a long game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a few yrs older than you and started earlier on kids so one is done w/college, one in college, and one in HS. Lived in this area my entire life and am happy w/where we are $ and family-wise.
1. What did you find rewarding about your job? What have you enjoyed? I've had 2 main careers - first when kids were little, made very little $ but off work by 3pm each day. Make about 6x now and work a lot more. Not really looking for much of a reward outside financial but it's interesting, I work hard, and most of the people are decent.
2. What do you wish you did differently? Honestly, nothing. Starting a family early was tough but glad I did. Buying a crappy house and fixing it up was a lot with little kids but very rewarding (esp $$).

It's all about balance. If you're lucky enough to be raising kids with a partner, share the load. The kids will be better for it and you won't resent each other. $$ only gets you so far - can't take it with you.

Sounds like you have the life hack of buying a house before they exploded in cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I managed to goof off and enjoy life till I was 35. Party all the time.

Got married 36 still making peanuts as spent prior 14 years clubbing and dating and coming to work hung over.

By 45 had three kids, a house. SAHW and a 400k a year salary.

My income peaked at 755k when I was 55.

I only made 55 a year at 35. I moved my salary 700k over 20 years the partying and a SAHW helped. Since I only started focusing on work around 40 I was very fresh from 45 to 55 while my coworkers my age were burnt out.

I have a 1.8 million home and 600k beach house and all colleges fully funded and seceral million in my retirement accounts. And no interest in retiring to 70. Goofing off till 35 I still feel motivate and young.

Not everyone can be a sale bro, I’m guessing you hooked up into tech sales when it boomed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does high salary mean? Have you paid off your house, have college fully funded, and setup down payment and trusts for your kids and plan to retire at 55?

We both stayed in the $190k Fed job which was interesting work but mostly because it felt too hard to disrupt lifestyle of kids with a job that required one of us to work beyond the 9-5. Now we will work into our 70s as a result of that choice.

I certainly wished I had doubled down and earned the big money to have real options as I near 60! If you think you family can handle your absence go for it. I will say middle and early high school were the most demanding for after school activities, helping kids with homework or projects, so they really don’t get easier in a lot of ways.

You seriously mismanaged your money if youre a fed (pension) and brought home 400K for an even just a decade and still can't retire.

3 kids college is projected to be $1.5M

House is $1.2M in middling school district with decent commute.

Helping 3 kids with down payment, $900k

We haven’t always made near $400k, 10 years ago my salary was $90k, and spouse was $130k.

I do think we saved poorly, because we bought our house late because we always planned to return to home, and cash savings make terrible investments. We have no family safety net, so always worried about someone losing job or getting sick and not working (both our parents lost jobs or dropped out of work force at 50, and it was very difficult time in our upbringing).

We really want to give our kids the safety net we didn’t have when they are starting out, so we will keep working until that is built.

You’re house poor.

Yes, we are aware of that, so what should we do? Get a time machine?

It’s a choice to pay $1.5M for college. My lord. State schools would be way less.

Do you have six kids? You are projecting college costs for three and also helping three with a down payment??

I hope you guys start caring for yourselves first.

Getting into the good state schools is no guarantee anymore. It’s a blood sport.

Maybe, if you subscribe to the notion that there are only one or two good state schools in your state. Have you looked at the top seven or so state schools in your state? What are there admissions criteria? Based on their stats, do you really feel your kids have a poor chance of getting in?

[Anonymous]

56. 3 kids -10th-college freshman. Very happy with family. My job is not so high power - I make about $200k. I drive kids to/from school daily. I go to all games, performances, etc. I’m there for them always. Wouldn’t change that for the world.