Questions for People in Their 50s With Career Success and Family "Success" (success defined as deep satisfaction)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, thanks for the responses. I’m seeing a bit of a common thread for federal service which I’ve been considering (I moved to DC bc I thought I’d eventually go to government). I’m a lawyer by training and have worked in big law and in house for the last 10 years. I’ve been the breadwinner and my salary has been $350-400k for the last 4 years. My spouse has had a couple of layoffs (startups) and his salary has been below $200k.

Our kids college funds are fully funded for private, our mortgage is around $400k at 3.5 percent. We have been able to afford everything we want.

I’ve worked between 35-50 hours a week but with lots of flexibility (and my spouse is a very involved parent as well). As I mentioned I’m ambitious and want to lead a team and tap into my creativity. But I also want to continue to be an involved parent. Mentally, I’m a bit anxious and have always prioritized school and work, partially due to upbringing and partially personality. I have trouble being present generally.

I guess I say all that to give a sense as to why it’s kind of challenging to figure out what I really want, and also what I really need.

I am a 54-year-old working mom with 3 kids (ages 14, 19, and 21). I worked part-time for 10 years and full-time (but flexible) for 10 years. I was a SAHM for one year when my oldest was born.

I am very content with life now, but when I look at my life ages 33-49 , I realize that I was stressed out with the overall juggle. I honestly think that, at least for me (with a little bit of ADHD), even working part-time was kind of too much with 3 kids. (DH and I are a two-lawyer couple. He was a fed for a long time (now private sector), but we did not come from family money, and so DH's salary amount was stressful and I felt I had to grind away in the private sector.)

OP, your kids are ages 8 and 10. The next 8-10 years are precious and will go fast. Tweens and teens have more challenges now than in the past, due to social media and the overall culture. The value of having a parent be present is immeasurable, even if only to chat with the kids after school, keep them occupied and off of devices/screens. I would really prioritize that. Perhaps have your DH be the more present one, since your salary is higher.