WFH and empty nest, am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way. My husband is always home. Always. We have nothing to talk about. He wants me to be his only social outlet, but I don’t enjoy spending time with him, at all. I don’t want to go on a walk, I don’t want to sit silently at lunch together, I don’t want to go on a trip together.

This is OP and this is it 100%.

If you don't enjoy spending time with him at all, you have deep issues. Since you are empty nesters maybe divorce is a good option.

+1 His is it a poor reflection on him that he wants to connect with you in benign ways like eat with you, take a walk with you, etc, but you find him insufferable? You do not want to bd married to the guy. THAT should be your complaint, not that he wants to sit across from you.

You don’t have to stay married!

+1

I know a couple like you describe, OP. They are miserable and tend to wallow in what they don't have, and sometimes antagonize people who they perceive to have more. Needless to say, we have backed away slowly. That couple hates each other, and it just isn't worth it to spend time around them, because they are only happy when they are wallowing. Decide why you are okay in this situation. You have to want to change for the better. You have to want better for yourselves. Life really is too short to be miserable together like this. There is no reason to be together. You don't even like each other.

[Anonymous]

So you think it’s normal and healthy to be in the same house 24/7 and have no social life outside each other at all. No experiences that we can come back together and talk about? I’m not complaining that he wants to eat with me or if he wants to walk, he’s welcome to come with me. It’s just this complete lack of a life outside me. I’m an introvert and there are times I just want to be alone. If I try to say that, he gets insulted. This is a man who I married because he had an active life outside me, and I liked that he wasn’t needy. Well now he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you think it’s normal and healthy to be in the same house 24/7 and have no social life outside each other at all. No experiences that we can come back together and talk about? I’m not complaining that he wants to eat with me or if he wants to walk, he’s welcome to come with me. It’s just this complete lack of a life outside me. I’m an introvert and there are times I just want to be alone. If I try to say that, he gets insulted. This is a man who I married because he had an active life outside me, and I liked that he wasn’t needy. Well now he is.

I feel like you are changing your story. You agreed with the pp who can't stand their husband. Now you're back tracking. I would love to hear his side because you seem very difficult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way. My husband is always home. Always. We have nothing to talk about. He wants me to be his only social outlet, but I don’t enjoy spending time with him, at all. I don’t want to go on a walk, I don’t want to sit silently at lunch together, I don’t want to go on a trip together.

This is OP and this is it 100%.

If you don't enjoy spending time with him at all, you have deep issues. Since you are empty nesters maybe divorce is a good option.

+1 His is it a poor reflection on him that he wants to connect with you in benign ways like eat with you, take a walk with you, etc, but you find him insufferable? You do not want to bd married to the guy. THAT should be your complaint, not that he wants to sit across from you.

You don’t have to stay married!

+1

I know a couple like you describe, OP. They are miserable and tend to wallow in what they don't have, and sometimes antagonize people who they perceive to have more. Needless to say, we have backed away slowly. That couple hates each other, and it just isn't worth it to spend time around them, because they are only happy when they are wallowing. Decide why you are okay in this situation. You have to want to change for the better. You have to want better for yourselves. Life really is too short to be miserable together like this. There is no reason to be together. You don't even like each other.

Well that’s not us at all. If we had any couple friends, we’d be super happy to be around them. We do not because he doesn’t like anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you think it’s normal and healthy to be in the same house 24/7 and have no social life outside each other at all. No experiences that we can come back together and talk about? I’m not complaining that he wants to eat with me or if he wants to walk, he’s welcome to come with me. It’s just this complete lack of a life outside me. I’m an introvert and there are times I just want to be alone. If I try to say that, he gets insulted. This is a man who I married because he had an active life outside me, and I liked that he wasn’t needy. Well now he is.

Why don't you leave the house, OP? Staying in the house 24/7, for days on end, is not healthy for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way. My husband is always home. Always. We have nothing to talk about. He wants me to be his only social outlet, but I don’t enjoy spending time with him, at all. I don’t want to go on a walk, I don’t want to sit silently at lunch together, I don’t want to go on a trip together.

This is OP and this is it 100%.

If you don't enjoy spending time with him at all, you have deep issues. Since you are empty nesters maybe divorce is a good option.

+1 His is it a poor reflection on him that he wants to connect with you in benign ways like eat with you, take a walk with you, etc, but you find him insufferable? You do not want to bd married to the guy. THAT should be your complaint, not that he wants to sit across from you.

You don’t have to stay married!

+1

I know a couple like you describe, OP. They are miserable and tend to wallow in what they don't have, and sometimes antagonize people who they perceive to have more. Needless to say, we have backed away slowly. That couple hates each other, and it just isn't worth it to spend time around them, because they are only happy when they are wallowing. Decide why you are okay in this situation. You have to want to change for the better. You have to want better for yourselves. Life really is too short to be miserable together like this. There is no reason to be together. You don't even like each other.

Well that’s not us at all. If we had any couple friends, we’d be super happy to be around them. We do not because he doesn’t like anyone.

Between the two of you, have no couple friends, and you think your DH is the only problem? You don't like each other, and it shows, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you think it’s normal and healthy to be in the same house 24/7 and have no social life outside each other at all. No experiences that we can come back together and talk about? I’m not complaining that he wants to eat with me or if he wants to walk, he’s welcome to come with me. It’s just this complete lack of a life outside me. I’m an introvert and there are times I just want to be alone. If I try to say that, he gets insulted. This is a man who I married because he had an active life outside me, and I liked that he wasn’t needy. Well now he is.

Zero people said that. A PP posted that she can't stand her husband and your response made it seem like you were in the same boat. The only examples you gave were being annoyed by him telling you what he's doing. You won't give examples of all the awful things he does and we can't read your mind. So based off what you do share, you seem to strongly dislike you and he doesn't seem to think too highly of you

[Anonymous]

He's using you to meet his need for social interaction.

I would suggest locking your door, huge headphones, and whenever he speaks to you, ignore or pause then slowly, slowly take off your headphones and say "Were you talking to me?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think it’s normal and healthy to be in the same house 24/7 and have no social life outside each other at all. No experiences that we can come back together and talk about? I’m not complaining that he wants to eat with me or if he wants to walk, he’s welcome to come with me. It’s just this complete lack of a life outside me. I’m an introvert and there are times I just want to be alone. If I try to say that, he gets insulted. This is a man who I married because he had an active life outside me, and I liked that he wasn’t needy. Well now he is.

Why don't you leave the house, OP? Staying in the house 24/7, for days on end, is not healthy for anyone.

Did you read my post? I work ft here but whenever I can, I exercise and see friends, my dh does not leave the house.

[Anonymous]

What does he say when you discuss this? Does he wish he had friends? I would lose my mind if my husband expected me to do every single things with him. But that would not make him a narcissist.

If he truly has no interest in having a hobby, making a friend, etc — then it sounds like you are deeply incompatible. None of that makes him a bad person, but you have to decide what to do about it. Because the only person you can change is yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you describe is not narcissism. Do you have better examples?

I’m leaving out some details, in case he should ever stumble upon this.

Ok then from those two examples, you sound like a B.

He would be the first to describe himself as I did. Gonna have to trust me on it. I think it’s the fact that everything I do has to be about him, and I always have to be happy and supporting him in some way. When the college kids are home, he gets upset because I spend more time with them than him, etc.

You asked whether you are a B or whether it's an unhealthy situation. Some of us thought B so now you need to keep adding more to dig yourself out it. for what it's worth, you sound so unpleasant, I am surprised he wants to talk to you about the little things or anything at all.

[Anonymous]

It's pretty much that you simply don't like him anymore. When every little innocuous thing is bothering you this much, what is the point in staying together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you discuss this? Does he wish he had friends? I would lose my mind if my husband expected me to do every single things with him. But that would not make him a narcissist.

If he truly has no interest in having a hobby, making a friend, etc — then it sounds like you are deeply incompatible. None of that makes him a bad person, but you have to decide what to do about it. Because the only person you can change is yourself.

He does feel bad that he doesn’t have friends. But he is difficult to get along with and has trouble making them, especially now that he doesn’t work in an office and doesn’t leave the house. He used to have a good amount of friends, especially at work that he’d get lunch with, but he’s lost touch with them and made zero effort. He keeps saying he’s trying to decide what activity he’d like to do to get out of the house but it’s literally been years that he’s been thinking about it. Like I said, this is not how he used to be and I think he’d be a much happier person if he had any friends locally. And more fun for me to be around. I am currently his entire social life.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he got depressed during the pandemic. And that you hate him and feel superior. But if you're looking for people to read your OP and say "he sounds horrible!" then no. The problem seems to be more your reaction to him than what he's doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you describe is not narcissism. Do you have better examples?

I’m leaving out some details, in case he should ever stumble upon this.

Ok then from those two examples, you sound like a B.

He would be the first to describe himself as I did. Gonna have to trust me on it. I think it’s the fact that everything I do has to be about him, and I always have to be happy and supporting him in some way. When the college kids are home, he gets upset because I spend more time with them than him, etc.

You asked whether you are a B or whether it's an unhealthy situation. Some of us thought B so now you need to keep adding more to dig yourself out it. for what it's worth, you sound so unpleasant, I am surprised he wants to talk to you about the little things or anything at all.

Ok 👍