Why do some people need so much novelty in relationships and sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Some use sex like others use pills or alcohol to self-medicate for the dopamine hit when depressed.

This. Sex addiction is just like the eleventy other unaddressed addictions a lot of folx are walking/fscking around with. If you can be honest and upfront about it, maybe it's not "faulty". But addicts aren't exactly known for their high-integrity behavior and honest dealings.

Lots of people use sex/relationships/other people as their drug of choice. Even in a non-sexual sense, projecting your crap onto those around you, or even those you have no meaningful connection with, is a HUGE flaw in our culture. We capitalize on it; look at celebrity "crushes" and that whole dynamic of stars/USian royalty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a sex addict, I need to "release" the evil out of my system 2-3 times a week. It is more enjoyable if I spread that out over 2-3 women and self masturbation. Every time I try to be in a relationship I get bored and urges to step out after a very short time 2-3 months. I am a terrible long term boyfriend, but I am a great guy to hang out with, enjoy activities and have sex with. Don't ask me to marry you, I have no interest..........this does not make me broken just self aware and unwilling to change because there are many women out there who just need someone to spend some quality time with once in a while.

Release the evil out of your system? What exactly is this? You aren't evil unless you commit evil acts. Evil isn't something you release to feel better about. Evil just creates more evil.

[Anonymous]

I have ADHD, been married forever and have never cheated, but once got emotionally close to someone new and it was the biggest dopamine hit. I can understand how constant new partners can be addicting. I’ve never been able to recreate that feeling with anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a sex addict, I need to "release" the evil out of my system 2-3 times a week. It is more enjoyable if I spread that out over 2-3 women and self masturbation. Every time I try to be in a relationship I get bored and urges to step out after a very short time 2-3 months. I am a terrible long term boyfriend, but I am a great guy to hang out with, enjoy activities and have sex with. Don't ask me to marry you, I have no interest..........this does not make me broken just self aware and unwilling to change because there are many women out there who just need someone to spend some quality time with once in a while.

So if you meet a woman who is high libido, and wants sex as much as you, you would stop getting erection with her in 2-3 months ? Need a new woman ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Some use sex like others use pills or alcohol to self-medicate for the dopamine hit when depressed.

This. Sex addiction is just like the eleventy other unaddressed addictions a lot of folx are walking/fscking around with. If you can be honest and upfront about it, maybe it's not "faulty". But addicts aren't exactly known for their high-integrity behavior and honest dealings.

Lots of people use sex/relationships/other people as their drug of choice. Even in a non-sexual sense, projecting your crap onto those around you, or even those you have no meaningful connection with, is a HUGE flaw in our culture. We capitalize on it; look at celebrity "crushes" and that whole dynamic of stars/USian royalty

Smoking or eating chips is a lot easier to deal with than cheating just to get through the day. Take a couple of smoke breaks or snack breaks. Much different than blowing up your life.

[Anonymous]

How does he not have STD's if he's been with 200 women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does he not have STD's if he's been with 200 women?

He's 45 now and we don't keep in touch. I'm sure the numbers are in the thousands by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a sex addict, I need to "release" the evil out of my system 2-3 times a week. It is more enjoyable if I spread that out over 2-3 women and self masturbation. Every time I try to be in a relationship I get bored and urges to step out after a very short time 2-3 months. I am a terrible long term boyfriend, but I am a great guy to hang out with, enjoy activities and have sex with. Don't ask me to marry you, I have no interest..........this does not make me broken just self aware and unwilling to change because there are many women out there who just need someone to spend some quality time with once in a while.

So if you meet a woman who is high libido, and wants sex as much as you, you would stop getting erection with her in 2-3 months ? Need a new woman ?

PP - can you please respond to this above? I’m a high L woman who often attracts this type. Really like the last guy I met but I suspect he’s like you.
Also, do you work? Finding all these new partners every couple months would be such a hassle and tile drag for me !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I enjoy relationships and sex but not novelty. I would honestly just prefer to be with the same person for a lifetime going though ups and downs as long as they aren't being overly abusive to where we can't work something out over a period of time and be safe. Why do some people just prefer novelty? One man I met by age 30 had been with over 200 women and he was a perfectly nice guy at his workplace with no other issues beyond this sexual addiction. I don't even know where he found these women. Why are people so different like this?

Dopamine deficit.

I have a friend like this. After her divorce, she's slept with hundreds of men. She has trauma in her background. And she has ADHD.

Even if it's good, she never sees them again. The thrill for her is the seduction and the first time. Has no interest in seeing them again.

And when it's bad, she goes to her dark place for a week or so. And then right back at it.

Not a particularly dateable woman. But she's a wonderful person. Beautiful. Kind. Smart.

People are just wired differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Some use sex like others use pills or alcohol to self-medicate for the dopamine hit when depressed.

This. Sex addiction is just like the eleventy other unaddressed addictions a lot of folx are walking/fscking around with. If you can be honest and upfront about it, maybe it's not "faulty". But addicts aren't exactly known for their high-integrity behavior and honest dealings.

Lots of people use sex/relationships/other people as their drug of choice. Even in a non-sexual sense, projecting your crap onto those around you, or even those you have no meaningful connection with, is a HUGE flaw in our culture. We capitalize on it; look at celebrity "crushes" and that whole dynamic of stars/USian royalty

Smoking or eating chips is a lot easier to deal with than cheating just to get through the day. Take a couple of smoke breaks or snack breaks. Much different than blowing up your life.

At least smoking and snacking only affects the addict. Sex uses other people, that part is not ok. Do what you want to do but don't use and abuse other people to get your fix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I enjoy relationships and sex but not novelty. I would honestly just prefer to be with the same person for a lifetime going though ups and downs as long as they aren't being overly abusive to where we can't work something out over a period of time and be safe. Why do some people just prefer novelty? One man I met by age 30 had been with over 200 women and he was a perfectly nice guy at his workplace with no other issues beyond this sexual addiction. I don't even know where he found these women. Why are people so different like this?

Dopamine deficit.

I have a friend like this. After her divorce, she's slept with hundreds of men. She has trauma in her background. And she has ADHD.

Even if it's good, she never sees them again. The thrill for her is the seduction and the first time. Has no interest in seeing them again.

And when it's bad, she goes to her dark place for a week or so. And then right back at it.

Not a particularly dateable woman. But she's a wonderful person. Beautiful. Kind. Smart.

People are just wired differently.

How old is she? Wondering if she will still be doing this in her 60s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I enjoy relationships and sex but not novelty. I would honestly just prefer to be with the same person for a lifetime going though ups and downs as long as they aren't being overly abusive to where we can't work something out over a period of time and be safe. Why do some people just prefer novelty? One man I met by age 30 had been with over 200 women and he was a perfectly nice guy at his workplace with no other issues beyond this sexual addiction. I don't even know where he found these women. Why are people so different like this?

Dopamine deficit.

I have a friend like this. After her divorce, she's slept with hundreds of men. She has trauma in her background. And she has ADHD.

Even if it's good, she never sees them again. The thrill for her is the seduction and the first time. Has no interest in seeing them again.

And when it's bad, she goes to her dark place for a week or so. And then right back at it.

Not a particularly dateable woman. But she's a wonderful person. Beautiful. Kind. Smart.

People are just wired differently.

How old is she? Wondering if she will still be doing this in her 60s.

Late 40s.

And very attractive.

No online dating. When she feels like it, she just goes out. Likes them young. Total predator.

Not a particularly future oriented person. Just needs the dopamine hit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I enjoy relationships and sex but not novelty. I would honestly just prefer to be with the same person for a lifetime going though ups and downs as long as they aren't being overly abusive to where we can't work something out over a period of time and be safe. Why do some people just prefer novelty? One man I met by age 30 had been with over 200 women and he was a perfectly nice guy at his workplace with no other issues beyond this sexual addiction. I don't even know where he found these women. Why are people so different like this?

Dopamine deficit.

I have a friend like this. After her divorce, she's slept with hundreds of men. She has trauma in her background. And she has ADHD.

Even if it's good, she never sees them again. The thrill for her is the seduction and the first time. Has no interest in seeing them again.

And when it's bad, she goes to her dark place for a week or so. And then right back at it.

Not a particularly dateable woman. But she's a wonderful person. Beautiful. Kind. Smart.

People are just wired differently.

How old is she? Wondering if she will still be doing this in her 60s.

Late 40s.

And very attractive.

No online dating. When she feels like it, she just goes out. Likes them young. Total predator.

Not a particularly future oriented person. Just needs the dopamine hit

Predator is another word for it. Lol We used to call them something else back in the day…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have fewer dopamine auto-receptors, but this is not “faulty” wiring, just different. For a population, it’s beneficial to have a diversity of risk tolerance levels.

You just don't want to find out you are married to a low dopamine auto-receptor individual.

Very true!!
-PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I enjoy relationships and sex but not novelty. I would honestly just prefer to be with the same person for a lifetime going though ups and downs as long as they aren't being overly abusive to where we can't work something out over a period of time and be safe. Why do some people just prefer novelty? One man I met by age 30 had been with over 200 women and he was a perfectly nice guy at his workplace with no other issues beyond this sexual addiction. I don't even know where he found these women. Why are people so different like this?

Wait…having been with over 200 women is sexual addiction?!? I’m screwed then.