I can’t stand flaky parents

[Anonymous]

Flaky like 15 mins late is ok. Flaky like forgets altogether aka blows you off, is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flaky like 15 mins late is ok. Flaky like forgets altogether aka blows you off, is not.

I used to have a friend who was habitually 1-2 hours late and often cancelled last minute. She would be the one to initiate the plans and then was always late. I learned to confirm with her and leave only when she said she was on her way. We are early/on time people. So if we were supposed to meet at 10, we would wait for her text at 1030 that she is on the way and leave home then, not get there at 9:50 and wait for an hour and be ready to almost leave for lunch by the time she got there.

That mom is now divorced. The dad said her tardiness drove him insane because he is a very punctual person. I’m sure that was not what made them divorce but the dad is very punctual.

[Anonymous]

ADHD as others have said.

Alternatively, DD has one friend where mom has high powered job, this is kid #3 and honestly, I think the mom is kind of over play dates and too busy to respond in a timely manner/low priority.

[Anonymous]

Just responding to the other side here. I am an ADD power career mom. I had such a problem with this (and not an hour late usually more like 20 minutes, but still, it’s rude), that I started declining things, handed play dates over to my husband to organize, and don’t initiate play dates. I don’t want to burn my kids friends parents, so that’s pretty much the choice I have. When my schedule is less packed, I’m more likely to be on time, but that is really rare.

[Anonymous]

Get your sh*t together

[Anonymous]

I have recently been interacting with the worst kind of flaky parent: flaky + opinionated! They don’t show up on time, they don’t do what they say they’ll do, and they seem surprised by things that were of their own planning/making. And on top of that they turn around and criticize and second guess whatever thing everyone else has put non-flaky effort into.

I don’t mind flaky people who go with the flow. They’re much easier to work around.

My DD has a few friends whose parents are flaky and I only make plans with them in big groups so there are backup people to enjoy the event/activity with when the flakes show up late or without the right stuff for wherever the activity is.

[Anonymous]

I am ADD and I dont flake. Stop with the excuses.

[Anonymous]

This is not what flaky means.

Flaky means inconsistent, as in doesn't show up or follow through on plans.

You dislike people who are late. That's fair. But kid play dates are probably not high on the list of punctuality for them.

[Anonymous]

This is kind of a funny thread because I am somewhat flaky (working on it) and I have difficulty having friendships with people who are anxious. It boggles my mind how many parents talk about their own anxiety and have kids who also have anxiety. It is also very stressful (for me) to be around them (eg wanting to finalize RSVPs over a month before a birthday; wanting things to be perfect / taking on too much / have difficulty being straightforward) but I’m sure it’s equally tough for the to be friends with me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is kind of a funny thread because I am somewhat flaky (working on it) and I have difficulty having friendships with people who are anxious. It boggles my mind how many parents talk about their own anxiety and have kids who also have anxiety. It is also very stressful (for me) to be around them (eg wanting to finalize RSVPs over a month before a birthday; wanting things to be perfect / taking on too much / have difficulty being straightforward) but I’m sure it’s equally tough for the to be friends with me!

It's not anxiety to want RSVPs. One, additional people can be invited if you decline. Two sometimes the facility wants a firm number for staffing. Three I may be budgeting stuff out. Ordering pizza one week. Cake another. Plates and decorations. Drinks from Costco. Etc. I don't do stuff for parties the day prior. I'm volunteering or going to sports with my kid or hanging with my family.

If you don't know whether you want to go to a birthday party one month out just say no. People who wait are acting like they want to see if they get a better invite. Or you could say hey my MILs birthday is that weekend. We are still figuring it out I'll know by next Friday. And then follow thru.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Addendum to the new lesson: not everyone’s kids are like yours. Just because your kids are good at getting out the door doesn’t mean other peoples are

Um, so you factor that in. Just like other Known Things like traffic in the DC area, or bad weather in winter. My sister and her husband are pastors and manage to be on time for everything BECAUSE they KNOW their three kids aren’t good at getting out the door, and they plan for it.

[Anonymous]

One flaky parent I knew insisted on ‘let do school supply shopping together with our kids!’. She said it in front of both kids, so then both kids had the expectation that it would happen. She was so flaky and kept canceling that we didn’t get to target until one week before school started. Even DH noticed and commented like, it’s kinda getting late to buy the school supplies! Never Again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my own personal friendships, I never liked flaky people. Of course there are times when you may have to reschedule or cancel but some people are just flaky and unpunctual. I have 3 kids and they have always been good at getting out the door. They look forward to seeing their friends, look at the calendar and wait for the time. The same parents are always non commital, flaky and unpunctual. I would never tolerate this with an adult friend but I’m stuck accepting this because they are my kids’ friends’ parents.

Is this a personality trait?
Do you think they were always flaky or does the kid make you flaky?

All I know if that when you become a parent, the world including other parents seem to treat events and meetings very very casually. I remember being on time for library time or some kid related events only to find they were canceled or the person in charge treated the event as a side event. It's such a different world than the world of work where you have to be so punctual or your scared you are going to be fired!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is kind of a funny thread because I am somewhat flaky (working on it) and I have difficulty having friendships with people who are anxious. It boggles my mind how many parents talk about their own anxiety and have kids who also have anxiety. It is also very stressful (for me) to be around them (eg wanting to finalize RSVPs over a month before a birthday; wanting things to be perfect / taking on too much / have difficulty being straightforward) but I’m sure it’s equally tough for the to be friends with me!

OP here. Time is valuable and precious. Wasting someone else’s time is disrespectful and rude. We would not be friends.

I am not an anxious person at all. I do throw well attended parties. I’m throwing a party this weekend and also another party next weekend. I don’t care so much if people are coming and going to our parties since there will be a lot of people.

My friends are not flaky. I have to deal with wishy washy, flaky and unpunctual parents. That is what drives me crazy. I’m always thinking I wish I didn’t have to associate with this person but I’m stuck with her because Mary is in the same class as DD and they want to hang out.

[Anonymous]

Growing up my best friend had the flakiest mom. It drove my parents nuts, like we would call to ask why she wasn’t over at the scheduled time and the mom would say “oh we’re just getting up and going!” Like it was no big deal to be an hour late. We would kind of laugh it off.

But I LOVED going to their house. The mom was so fun, she would sing broadway songs and dance and come up with all these random amazing things for us to do. She was kind of crazy but in a really really fun way. It was also why she never had her sh*t together. But as a kid it was all part of seeing and understanding that there are many ways to be and people have different strengths and weaknesses!