I can’t stand flaky parents

[Anonymous]

In my own personal friendships, I never liked flaky people. Of course there are times when you may have to reschedule or cancel but some people are just flaky and unpunctual. I have 3 kids and they have always been good at getting out the door. They look forward to seeing their friends, look at the calendar and wait for the time. The same parents are always non commital, flaky and unpunctual. I would never tolerate this with an adult friend but I’m stuck accepting this because they are my kids’ friends’ parents.

Is this a personality trait?
Do you think they were always flaky or does the kid make you flaky?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my own personal friendships, I never liked flaky people. Of course there are times when you may have to reschedule or cancel but some people are just flaky and unpunctual. I have 3 kids and they have always been good at getting out the door. They look forward to seeing their friends, look at the calendar and wait for the time. The same parents are always non commital, flaky and unpunctual. I would never tolerate this with an adult friend but I’m stuck accepting this because they are my kids’ friends’ parents.

Is this a personality trait?
Do you think they were always flaky or does the kid make you flaky?

I agree with you 100%! I think they are undisciplined and narcissistic. I was brought up on the principle that "punctuality is the politeness of kings," and I cannot abide people who are habitually late. If I were you, I would suggest that my daughter find some new friends.

[Anonymous]

Could always have been flaky, could be kids overwhelmed/frazzled then and made them flaky. The heart of it is that flaky people simply don’t care about punctuality or consistency as much as you do. It’s one of those traits that I think people absolutely need to sort themselves by for friendships: flskyvwith flaky and punctual with punctual or everyone’s always upset and stressed. Me, I’m in the middle — punctual probably 75% if the time and highly tolerant of flakiness as long as the other person offers at least a social apology for being late or rescheduling. I sometimes find flaky friends more restful because I don’t have to worry they’ll care if I’m late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could always have been flaky, could be kids overwhelmed/frazzled then and made them flaky. The heart of it is that flaky people simply don’t care about punctuality or consistency as much as you do. It’s one of those traits that I think people absolutely need to sort themselves by for friendships: flskyvwith flaky and punctual with punctual or everyone’s always upset and stressed. Me, I’m in the middle — punctual probably 75% if the time and highly tolerant of flakiness as long as the other person offers at least a social apology for being late or rescheduling. I sometimes find flaky friends more restful because I don’t have to worry they’ll care if I’m late.

+1

Great summary, PP.

And for kid’s friends, yes OP you just have to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

New lesson: people aren't exactly the same as you are

[Anonymous]

Addendum to the new lesson: not everyone’s kids are like yours. Just because your kids are good at getting out the door doesn’t mean other peoples are

[Anonymous]

It takes all kinds. If your kid is friends with a kid with flaky parents you just have to decide if you can tolerate that crap. If not just let your kid have their relationship without it involving you at all.

[Anonymous]

I know only one person like that. It's cultural for her and it also happens to be who she is somehow. Completely clueless how it all affects people around her. Everything is about her. What she want is her sole focus.

[Anonymous]

By flaky do you mean late?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know only one person like that. It's cultural for her and it also happens to be who she is somehow. Completely clueless how it all affects people around her. Everything is about her. What she want is her sole focus.

If everyone knows she is flaky, then it really only affects them as much as they allow it to affect them.

[Anonymous]

Cool

[Anonymous]

Flaky people are fun just don’t ask them to watch your pets.

[Anonymous]

You'd dislike me, then. I'm a kind, loving friend. But I have ADHD, terrible time blindness, and social anxiety. You would find me too flaky and disorganized to be your friend. I also have one easy kid who gets ready to leave the house. My other kid doesn't always cooperate to leave the house, and we struggle. I'm glad you and your kids don't struggle with this.

[Anonymous]

I’ve unfriended people like that OP. Can’t stand them either. How can they run their lives in such a discombobulated manner, idk.

[Anonymous]

My twins have a friend whose mom is like this. I am constantly telling them "I can't control other people" when she's late, forgets about getting together, cancels at the last minute because one of her 72 dogs had an issue, etc. Our kids play a sport together and when we travel for that sport I just tell my kids we're going to move on our own timeline because waiting for her at the hotel so we can drive over together is too stressful when she's still drying her hair at the time we're supposed to leave or her kid can't find her pants or her alarm didn't go off or whatever else is happening that day.