Fun in middle age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on which stage of parenting you enjoy most. Some families are busy going to school activities. Sitting in the bleachers, cheering on the HS team. That was plenty busy for us. Are you seeing Grandparents, traveling? You say "nearby stuff". Have the kids been on international trips? I'd suggest doing all you can to fit that in.

Yes, we do and have done all this (my family is overseas). I like the trips, then we are back and it just feels sort of sad and boring to me. The trips are twice a year which is what we can afford. I don't really enjoy eating out, cultural things near me at this point at all. I think that as someone else says I am mildly depressed. As for dh is is definitely not avoiding me with work, he works on the couch next to me and wishes he didn't have so much work! I just don't really have things I want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is sort of random but I started riding my bike around the neighborhood. Not serious cycling, just pedalling around for fun. Something about feeling the wind through my hair made me feel like a kid again. Bonus points if you can get a friend or two to join you and you pedal to the farmers market, or for coffee. Just a simple pleasure that I never seemed to have time for before.

I truly cannot second this enough. I bought an ebike and I cannot BELIEVE the amount of joy it brings to my day. Riding my bike home on a summer evening is like a sublime level of happiness.

[Anonymous]

Exercising, being outdoors, day trips, checking out different restaurants, museums, bookstores, learning skills, helping others. Is there a cause that you care about?

[Anonymous]

Try to add a walk with a friend, same time every week. Schedule some friend dates. Make them a priority, so not more than you can do on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Exercising, being outdoors, day trips, checking out different restaurants, museums, bookstores, learning skills, helping others. Is there a cause that you care about?

I do volunteer and enjoy that, but I have not met people through it. What gets to me is that I used to enjoy all the things you list. Now I am totally indifferent to them: I don't care for restaurants, I have been to all local museums a million times, done all the day trips. When we do do one of those things, I come back thinking staying home would have been just fine...I feel totally stuck. We were away this winter and I did like the things we saw/did.

[Anonymous]

Date night with spousal unit!

Movies! More expensive dinners than you'd do with the whole family! Weekend in NYC to see a Broadway show. Reconnecting with friends, who hopefully will be a bigger part of your social life when the kids leave home.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I took up golf and now we often play together. Before, we never had the time to even think about it. On a beautiful day it’s really a nice way to spend a few hours with friends.

[Anonymous]

I can relate. A lot of transitions in a short period and with the "loss" of our last kid off to college comes the struggles with our aging parents' declining health. "Fun" just isn't easy to find right now. I have worked hard to maintain my social connections - as that seems to help me feel better about most things. I have a friend with whom we have a monthly standing lunch date, another is just a walk around a track. I do better when I have things to look forward to. Just like other periods in my life - society tries to dictate what you should be feeling or doing - I had to first acknowledge what I wanted, where I am and what amd I going to do about it. And then find a way to make it happen. It requires effort. And just because something you did use to bring you joy, it doesn't mean that it does now. Start small, try things, and build up what the "new" you wants to be. Its a process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trips and weekend getaways with girlfriends/couples without the kids, concerts, local performances and exhibits, etc. You just have to make the time for fun, even if it means putting off chores another day. That often means having a life outside of your kids, who probably prefer their friends now.

+1. But we always did this stuff even when kids were little. We love movies, sporting events, comedy shows, broadway musicals, game and movie nights with friends that we host. We also love to travel.

My house is a train wreck today because we did dinner with 12 friends this past Saturday night and went to a college bball game Saturday afternoon. And then we took our 11 year old to dinner Sunday night. It was fun and i don’t care at all that the house is a mess. We will get caught up on it this week.

[Anonymous]

What are you passionate about? For me, I don't get bored with stuff like going to museums or concerts, because I passionately love music and art and there is always something new to see or hear and think about. DH and I go to the movies together and like to discuss what we see. This time of year is especially good for that -- we try to see all the foreign films nominated for Oscars, and will also see all the shorts and some of the documentaries, there is always something thought provoking in there.

I know some people complain about this, but I like that middle age is a less social time generally. I have friends and still socialize regularly, but less than I used to and I also like that there is less of the forced socialization of parenting young kids, all the small talk on playgrounds and at school events and during playdates. I'm so much happier to spend that time doing something I enjoy (exercise class, wandering through an antique shop, reading a book in a cafe) and not having to perform for anyone else.

I think I was built for middle-age. It's so freeing. This is the life I've always wanted.

[Anonymous]

I’m early 40s and still have young kids, but things I manage to do for fun include a book club (the book discussion is like 25% of it and the rest is drinking wine and staying up way too late together). I also enjoy kickboxing classes. DH and I try to get out once a month or so to try new restaurants. I meet up with friends for brunches and happy hours. We take family trips (beach, hiking, etc.) and DH and I also swap off taking girls/guys trips on our own.

Some day I hope to have more time for hobbies. I’d love to join a creative writing group or take cake decorating classes or get back into skiing.

[Anonymous]

^Oh also, my kids have talked me into playing video games with them sometimes. It’s actually more fun than I had expected.

[Anonymous]

A few for you OP.

First, the hormonal changes during perimenopause and menopause play havoc with your brain, including how it regulates your mood. So it may be that trying adaptogens or hormone therapy or other avenues may help with your ability to find joy.

The other thing that I personally experience is finding joyful things to do post Covid. Part of that is because activities and groups that I did things with have changed or ended. And part of it is that I still work from home often and am still out of the routine of doing things that I used to do near my office. So my focus is on signing up for activities that I think may offer me a sense of community, and giving that a try for the next few months.

[Anonymous]

It can be hard to re-invent yourself or find a new purpose. So much of my life revolved around kid activities, kid parents etc. Always built-in socializing and events. That disappeared pretty quickly and I miss it a lot. I don't miss the chaos and hectic aspects of young kids though. Like you, I'm not a museum, or movie/art person so just going to a museum isn't going to lift my mood or bring much "fun" to my life. What does bring fun? For me I like being outside, I like meeting my friends (it doesn't have to focus on a meal or a restaurant if you don't like eating out) we often meet and do something active - in the summer that's going to the pool. Or maybe a walk, I find the less formal the easier it is to plan. I'm sure there must be resources out there to identify things you like doing - to help guide you in a direction that you find fullfilling.

[Anonymous]

Our kids are young (preK and lower elementary). I love them and kid involved activities, but I have a long list of things I will do more of when they aren’t as demanding of my time - mostly in the categories of hobbies, adult friendships, and exercise, but also sleep, organize, and have a cleaner house.