Fun in middle age

[Anonymous]

What do you do for fun? When kids were younger we were always out and about, taking daily trips, museums, parks, other cities...Now with teens they are busy with their own thing. We end up usually doing housework, running errands, yardwork, dh works extra...It all feels sort of joyless but also like we have done all the nearby stuff many times already. Life doesn't feel as fun as it used to be. It makes me sad and I wonder if that will ever change.

[Anonymous]

Trips and weekend getaways with girlfriends/couples without the kids, concerts, local performances and exhibits, etc. You just have to make the time for fun, even if it means putting off chores another day. That often means having a life outside of your kids, who probably prefer their friends now.

[Anonymous]

Your question is a good one.

My kid is out of the house now, and the light left with her.

Trying to find it again….

[Anonymous]

Hmm. I am having MUCH more fun than I did when my kids were younger. All those things you listed are much more fun with older kids or adults only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your question is a good one.

My kid is out of the house now, and the light left with her.

Trying to find it again….

This is my fear.

[Anonymous]

Are you kidding? If I had teens and time to my self, I would be joining one of those pickle ball leagues and leaning into middle age full frontal!

I would continue doing the fun activities we did as a family, like kayaking, sailing, NGA, swimming at the pool.

Probably try to eat out a couple times a week trying the food my pickier eaters always steered us away from (hello sushi and spicy thai).

Even just sitting on the deck reading a book sounds delightful.

I love my kids, and will miss them terribly as they age out of home, but you need to show them that life is not just about living for others but also for yourself, so they can live for themselves as well.

All this said, your mood is VERY common for empty nest mothers. Especially if your DH is avoiding you by working more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your question is a good one.

My kid is out of the house now, and the light left with her.

Trying to find it again….

Me, too.

[Anonymous]

In the winter I ski. It is one of the few things that I do now for fun that I enjoy as much as I did when I was ten years old (even if I don't ski as fast or aggressively as I did back then).

[Anonymous]

Try to find fun friends to do things with individually or as a couple. Find other non-kid-limited individuals or couples. Don't limit yourself to those around your age.

[Anonymous]

Last week I went to a concert with some friends to see a band from our youth and had more fun than I expected.

[Anonymous]

I joined a choir.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

All this said, your mood is VERY common for empty nest mothers. Especially if your DH is avoiding you by working more.

Yes, really understand that it's a very big transition. My youngest is still in college, but my oldest is an actual adult. It's taken me all this time to process the sadness and feeling like nothing is fun. It didn't help that my empty nest started with the pandemic. I thought I would be taking classes, exploring things, but nope (on the plus side, I did see my kids a lot more). Recognize that you may be mildly depressed - totally normal! Wrestle with getting yourself to explore, go to a museum, explore a part of the city you haven't seen, take a short trip, reconnect with someone you haven't seen in a while. After a bit your heart will follow.

[Anonymous]

This is sort of random but I started riding my bike around the neighborhood. Not serious cycling, just pedalling around for fun. Something about feeling the wind through my hair made me feel like a kid again. Bonus points if you can get a friend or two to join you and you pedal to the farmers market, or for coffee. Just a simple pleasure that I never seemed to have time for before.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on which stage of parenting you enjoy most. Some families are busy going to school activities. Sitting in the bleachers, cheering on the HS team. That was plenty busy for us. Are you seeing Grandparents, traveling? You say "nearby stuff". Have the kids been on international trips? I'd suggest doing all you can to fit that in.

[Anonymous]

This is the time to make your own fun, OP. I’m 45 and started making doing things I like a priority in the last year or so. Sometimes my kids and/or husband join me, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes I go with a friend, but I also enjoy doing things on my own: a movie, a museum, a play.