Fun in middle age

[Anonymous]

I have a million hobbies and not enough time to do them. When the kids are done with dinner and doing their homework, I actually feel like I can relax now (as opposed to when they were younger and there was so much more "parenting"). We eat together every night but then they go out or homework or watch sports. It's cosy.

I knit, needlepoint, play the piano, read, write, talk on the phone, watch you tube videos about various things, insta scroll, call my sibs. I have a bunch of diff groups I'm part of (book clubs, business clubs, etc). I volunteer for some stuff at school. We travel. During their sports season we spend the whole time at the games. It's fun. We go out to dinner as a family sometimes.

There's a million things to do. Hobbies are really satisfying. Just think about what you used to like when you were younger and dive back in!

[Anonymous]

We are childfree and have been having fun all our lives. So we will keep keeping on. 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Exercising, being outdoors, day trips, checking out different restaurants, museums, bookstores, learning skills, helping others. Is there a cause that you care about?

I do volunteer and enjoy that, but I have not met people through it. What gets to me is that I used to enjoy all the things you list. Now I am totally indifferent to them: I don't care for restaurants, I have been to all local museums a million times, done all the day trips. When we do do one of those things, I come back thinking staying home would have been just fine...I feel totally stuck. We were away this winter and I did like the things we saw/did.

I think I’m experiencing this a bit, partially because we aren’t actually empty nesters yet. Teens are still home and still need plenty of care, feeding, driving and emotional support so my time isn’t really my own and yet we aren’t spending all that much time with them doing things either. You might be like me in that I really loved all the young kid activities in our area and miss that stage.

I am thinking ahead a bit. When I am an empty nester I plan to take some art classes. I don’t have time to really jump in yet but I may do one or two short workshops in the medium that interests me. I’m a homebody so intentionally finding books to read and recipes to try makes me happy. DD and I are going to try Pilates soon. I think you just need yo be intentional and think about what you would like to do vs what you think you should do.

[Anonymous]

I really loved all the young kid activities ... and miss that stage.

I think this is it. Mostly.
np here

[Anonymous]

Maybe do some activity with your teen, as two adults, as friends. Since this is where this relationship is heading. Soon enough, that will be how you will need to relate. I have a sweet memory of playing tennis with my Mom. It only happened once. No idea why it is such a sweet memory. Maybe because we were just goofing around. We weren't any good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Exercising, being outdoors, day trips, checking out different restaurants, museums, bookstores, learning skills, helping others. Is there a cause that you care about?

I do volunteer and enjoy that, but I have not met people through it. What gets to me is that I used to enjoy all the things you list. Now I am totally indifferent to them: I don't care for restaurants, I have been to all local museums a million times, done all the day trips. When we do do one of those things, I come back thinking staying home would have been just fine...I feel totally stuck. We were away this winter and I did like the things we saw/did.

I think I’m experiencing this a bit, partially because we aren’t actually empty nesters yet. Teens are still home and still need plenty of care, feeding, driving and emotional support so my time isn’t really my own and yet we aren’t spending all that much time with them doing things either. You might be like me in that I really loved all the young kid activities in our area and miss that stage.

I am thinking ahead a bit. When I am an empty nester I plan to take some art classes. I don’t have time to really jump in yet but I may do one or two short workshops in the medium that interests me. I’m a homebody so intentionally finding books to read and recipes to try makes me happy. DD and I are going to try Pilates soon. I think you just need yo be intentional and think about what you would like to do vs what you think you should do.

I think you nailed it completely. Mine are still home too and I am still busy with their stuff, physical, emotional...When they were little it was simpler and I loved all the kid activities, we could just take a whole weekend day for a big outing. That doesn't happen anymore with teens who have their own stuff, but still need me at some point. I think I am so preoccupied with them that my own moments of leisure come in between the busy, difficult teen stuff, so I don't have the mental or physical energy to focus on me. I used to love painting, but I am not inspired anymore, same with long walks. I just have this mental "mom of teens" exhaustion factor that weighs me down.

[Anonymous]

Teens can take up a lot of our mental energy -- we can imagine/worry re: bigger problems. And yet have less/no control.

[Anonymous]

They will occupy less space in your head when they are out of the house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are young (preK and lower elementary). I love them and kid involved activities, but I have a long list of things I will do more of when they aren’t as demanding of my time - mostly in the categories of hobbies, adult friendships, and exercise, but also sleep, organize, and have a cleaner house.

Maybe post again here after they have left home.

[Anonymous]

I am a middle-aged widow with a high-schooler and young adult at home. I keep my dance card filled during the week with recurring activities - and the hope that one of the recurring activities will pay some dividends when I meet a nice, age-appropriate man through one of them - but the weekends are l-o-o-n-g. I don't even like being in my house anymore, and I was a homebody when my husband was alive. I go to the gym everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your question is a good one.

My kid is out of the house now, and the light left with her.

Trying to find it again….

Don’t neglect your spouse and other children. They need you too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle-aged widow with a high-schooler and young adult at home. I keep my dance card filled during the week with recurring activities - and the hope that one of the recurring activities will pay some dividends when I meet a nice, age-appropriate man through one of them - but the weekends are l-o-o-n-g. I don't even like being in my house anymore, and I was a homebody when my husband was alive. I go to the gym everyday.

I am sorry about the loss of your husband, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Exercising, being outdoors, day trips, checking out different restaurants, museums, bookstores, learning skills, helping others. Is there a cause that you care about?

I do volunteer and enjoy that, but I have not met people through it. What gets to me is that I used to enjoy all the things you list. Now I am totally indifferent to them: I don't care for restaurants, I have been to all local museums a million times, done all the day trips. When we do do one of those things, I come back thinking staying home would have been just fine...I feel totally stuck. We were away this winter and I did like the things we saw/did.

This might be a stretch but maybe what you’re experiencing is ambiguous loss? There’s an On Being podcast interview with Pauline Boss you might be able to relate to. Perhaps you’re mourning the loss of your time as a parent of kids who you did fun stuff with all the time.

Regardless of the reason, it seems you’re in a transitional phase. Be gentle with yourself. Maybe rest and reflect and not try to force yourself to get out of your funk, or be so “up and at ‘em” tackling chore after chore and doing things.

And that’s great you liked your recent trip—maybe seek out more of what it was that you liked about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I really loved all the young kid activities ... and miss that stage.

I think this is it. Mostly.
np here

Same!

So, I plan to volunteer with little ones when I retire.

Because they are to die for!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your question is a good one.

My kid is out of the house now, and the light left with her.

Trying to find it again….

Don’t neglect your spouse and other children. They need you too

I have neither a spouse nor other children.

(Seems odd that you would assume that everyone else’s life mirrors your own…🤔)