Why does my mom make it all about her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because she loves him. Because it would bring her joy to see him open it. Because it’s normal if you live close for these little interactions to happen without them being a big deal.

This, for G8d's sake, OP, stop criticizing!

[Anonymous]

It's a variation of normal, OP. That's all. I have a good friend who is like this too. When my kids had birthday parties, she stayed after everyone else had left so that they could open her gifts in front of her.

Just tell her that you have a hectic life, and she had the option of sending the gift, so now she can't complain if it's taking a bit longer to be face-to-face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because she loves him. Because it would bring her joy to see him open it. Because it’s normal if you live close for these little interactions to happen without them being a big deal.

No, this is not normal. “Love” is just sending a gift and knowing it will be enjoyed. Self-centeredness is holding a gift hostage until you can bear witness.

This. I have family members like this and I used to go along to get along. They make every gift into an ordeal whether it's dramatics over strings they never disclosed, the child not even excited enough, a thank you note not being enough or needing there to be grand gift giving with their own special day rather than at an event they are invited to. They still pulled this when my husband was very ill and could no longer cater to everyone. Everything was "me,me,me." That was when we finally decided ENOUGH. A gift is not supposed to drive us bonkers, especially when we had enough stress.When the 2 worst offenders continued to be annoying even with boundaries we made a major one NO GIFTS. They ignored it and still tried to make many demands, but I was too busy with managing Dr. appointments and emergencies to respond. Finally they stopped completely. So much better. They still periodically try to drag us in or drag our kids in and they can't stand the theatrics either so they have no problem saying they don't want anything. Some people can just give a gift, enjoy a "thank you" and let it go, other people use it to try to engage in some big ol dysfunctional dance of crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's kind enough to order a special present and bring it to your house. Sounds great.

Give me a break. I'm sure OP knows how to order on Amazon. It is much more of a gift to be kind, empathetic and understanding when it comes to people's time. If she wants to see her grandkids even more, just offer to have them come visit while OP and spouse go on a date. Win-win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because she loves him. Because it would bring her joy to see him open it. Because it’s normal if you live close for these little interactions to happen without them being a big deal.

No, this is not normal. “Love” is just sending a gift and knowing it will be enjoyed. Self-centeredness is holding a gift hostage until you can bear witness.

This. I have family members like this and I used to go along to get along. They make every gift into an ordeal whether it's dramatics over strings they never disclosed, the child not even excited enough, a thank you note not being enough or needing there to be grand gift giving with their own special day rather than at an event they are invited to. They still pulled this when my husband was very ill and could no longer cater to everyone. Everything was "me,me,me." That was when we finally decided ENOUGH. A gift is not supposed to drive us bonkers, especially when we had enough stress.When the 2 worst offenders continued to be annoying even with boundaries we made a major one NO GIFTS. They ignored it and still tried to make many demands, but I was too busy with managing Dr. appointments and emergencies to respond. Finally they stopped completely. So much better. They still periodically try to drag us in or drag our kids in and they can't stand the theatrics either so they have no problem saying they don't want anything. Some people can just give a gift, enjoy a "thank you" and let it go, other people use it to try to engage in some big ol dysfunctional dance of crazy.

So stop criticizing and posting stuff like this which just continues to feed into your obsession. They are old. SHOW SOME CHARITY! What is wrong with you? You will be there some day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because she loves him. Because it would bring her joy to see him open it. Because it’s normal if you live close for these little interactions to happen without them being a big deal.

This, for G8d's sake, OP, stop criticizing!

LOVE is not stressful. You can love your grandkid and not be a PITA about gift-giving.

[Anonymous]

Shame on you for keeping that poor woman waiting! She's just trying to do something special for her grandson, and you're acting like it's some big inconvenience. Family is the most important thing, and moments like this where she can see the joy on that boy's face are precious memories that will last a lifetime. Watching him open that gift will fill her heart with joy, and you should be there to share in it with her! Apologize for making her wait, give her a big hug, and thank her for being such a thoughtful grandma. In the grand scheme of things, is a few hours of your time really too much to ask? She won't be around forever, you know. Put aside your own selfish inconveniences and make the most of the time you have left with her. One day, you'll look back on moments like this and be so grateful you didn't waste them. Now stop your complaining, call your mama up and invite her over! She deserves nothing less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because she loves him. Because it would bring her joy to see him open it. Because it’s normal if you live close for these little interactions to happen without them being a big deal.

No, this is not normal. “Love” is just sending a gift and knowing it will be enjoyed. Self-centeredness is holding a gift hostage until you can bear witness.

This. I have family members like this and I used to go along to get along. They make every gift into an ordeal whether it's dramatics over strings they never disclosed, the child not even excited enough, a thank you note not being enough or needing there to be grand gift giving with their own special day rather than at an event they are invited to. They still pulled this when my husband was very ill and could no longer cater to everyone. Everything was "me,me,me." That was when we finally decided ENOUGH. A gift is not supposed to drive us bonkers, especially when we had enough stress.When the 2 worst offenders continued to be annoying even with boundaries we made a major one NO GIFTS. They ignored it and still tried to make many demands, but I was too busy with managing Dr. appointments and emergencies to respond. Finally they stopped completely. So much better. They still periodically try to drag us in or drag our kids in and they can't stand the theatrics either so they have no problem saying they don't want anything. Some people can just give a gift, enjoy a "thank you" and let it go, other people use it to try to engage in some big ol dysfunctional dance of crazy.

So stop criticizing and posting stuff like this which just continues to feed into your obsession. They are old. SHOW SOME CHARITY! What is wrong with you? You will be there some day?

+1. the posters here have NO idea what it is like to age . . . . they just want to judge and criticize

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because she loves him. Because it would bring her joy to see him open it. Because it’s normal if you live close for these little interactions to happen without them being a big deal.

This, for G8d's sake, OP, stop criticizing!

LOVE is not stressful. You can love your grandkid and not be a PITA about gift-giving.

The problem here is OP doesn’t love her mother, if she did such a simple request wouldn’t be so difficult.

[Anonymous]

I would love my mom to be here to irritate me so horribly. 😢

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love my mom to be here to irritate me so horribly. 😢

Oh dear. I’m sorry for your loss. This doesn’t help at all.

[Anonymous]

OP -- does your son's joy bring you joy? Is it joy to be a mother? You are her baby. Never forget that. And you give her very little attention now. In order to have someone to show love, she would like to love her grandson. Can't you let that happen. Don't you, at least now, understand a mother's love?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love my mom to be here to irritate me so horribly. 😢

Oh dear. I’m sorry for your loss. This doesn’t help at all.

Perspective is a thing - get some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love my mom to be here to irritate me so horribly. 😢

Oh dear. I’m sorry for your loss. This doesn’t help at all.

Perspective is a thing - get some.

This. stop criticizing. This will be YOU some day! (or read up on aging and mental issues). Honest to Gawd, you people have no perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love my mom to be here to irritate me so horribly. 😢

Oh dear. I’m sorry for your loss. This doesn’t help at all.

Perspective is a thing - get some.

This. stop criticizing. This will be YOU some day! (or read up on aging and mental issues). Honest to Gawd, you people have no perspective

Actually some of us having people dealing with our emotionally immature parents our entire lives.