Who comes first: your family of origin or your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Spouse. But i married a good man and he puts me and the kids before all else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the situation really. I mean, if you have a planned date night w/your husband, but your mom needs to go to the hospital... Depends on the situation.

Makes sense. Just because you've other priorities and don't need parents, doesn't mean they don't have any value in your life. Everything is good when there is a balance. If your kids won't see you valuing your birth family, they won't value theirs. Find a spouse who has a good relationship with their birth family but not so enmeshed to make space for their spouse and kids.

[Anonymous]

I’m trying to imagine a situation in which I would need to pick one over the other in such a black and white way, and I can’t.

[Anonymous]

Why is this even a question? My vow did say forsaking all others.

[Anonymous]

Honestly? I prioritize myself. Sometimes that means I’ll want to spend time with my family, sometimes my spouse’s family, sometimes neither family.

[Anonymous]

Always my spouse. I haven't talked to my mother in more than 20 years, my father in about ten.

[Anonymous]

What makes me sad is to realize that someday I will not be a priority for my kids. I know it’s supposed to be that way but it still makes me sad. I guess ultimately it should be you and your spouse. My parents certainly don’t prioritize me. I hope I’m a bit different than my parents when my children are adults.

[Anonymous]

Half of you are lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Half of you are lying.

so true haha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to imagine a situation in which I would need to pick one over the other in such a black and white way, and I can’t.

Lucky you. My spouse and my parents do not always see eye to eye in every situation.

[Anonymous]

Kids, my friends, my family, and ex spouse. Never met a man I would put ahead of my family or friends. I wish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse in all circumstances but 1. My dad died unexpectedly on DH'a birthday 4 years ago. So we have still been getting together with my family of origin on that day instead of celebrating DHs bday. Although I don't know if it necessarily means I'm prioritizing them as DH has never cared about celebrating his bday exactly the day of

Dang. That sucks bad. I hate when a death ruins a holiday. My grandma died on Christmas when I was a kid and my other grandma died on Independence Day

[Anonymous]

Spouse!!! No question.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know. I guess I feel that if your parents are wise, and your spouse is kind, this doesn’t really come up much. I don’t feel I have had to choose much. My sibling hates my spouse, but he is not very nice to me either so there has never been a question that I would take her side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this even a question? My vow did say forsaking all others.

And if family of origin member had an issue they should have spoken up when given the opportunity at the wedding.