DH doesn’t care that I am sick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a jackass. You have permission to rip him a new one. Here’s what you can say:
“Let me clear with you: your behavior the past several days has been reprehensible. I’m 35 weeks pregnant with your child and sick as a dog. The best you can do is give me some coconut water. Your lack of care is not okay. To be clear, you’ll be taking care of your family when they’re here. I’m focused on two things: getting better and growing this baby. What questions might you have?”

Good Lord it's so bad when people suggest scripts, especially haughty, self-righteous nonsense like the above.

Ignore this fool, OP. By all means, made your needs known, but there's no need to be that nasty and aggressive. PP is a goddamned idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can't care for yourself while sick and no children, you're in for a very rude awakening when that baby is born.

You might want to work on your reading comprehension. OP has been trying to take off herself. Her rude husband couldn’t relocate himself to work somewhere else for a couple of days so that she could sleep and get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a jackass. You have permission to rip him a new one. Here’s what you can say:
“Let me clear with you: your behavior the past several days has been reprehensible. I’m 35 weeks pregnant with your child and sick as a dog. The best you can do is give me some coconut water. Your lack of care is not okay. To be clear, you’ll be taking care of your family when they’re here. I’m focused on two things: getting better and growing this baby. What questions might you have?”

Good Lord it's so bad when people suggest scripts, especially haughty, self-righteous nonsense like the above.

Ignore this fool, OP. By all means, made your needs known, but there's no need to be that nasty and aggressive. PP is a goddamned idiot.

Nah. He’s been rude. Time to be clear about boundaries in the most plain language possible. If not, he’ll always expect his spouse to power through any illness just so he doesn’t have to play host to his family or step up with his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can't care for yourself while sick and no children, you're in for a very rude awakening when that baby is born.

You might want to work on your reading comprehension. OP has been trying to take off herself. Her rude husband couldn’t relocate himself to work somewhere else for a couple of days so that she could sleep and get better.

Wait, I just read posts that said the sick DH should relocate to the family room. OP, can relocate to another bed and go to sleep without all this extra drama. The idea of moving furniture out of a room seems dumb.

[Anonymous]

In fairness, no one really cares about another adult being sick- some are just better at hiding it. It is often an inconvenience and it is difficult to empathize. Most people care about their kids, period. That said, not being able to manage to faux cosset and attend to a heavily pregnant wife is certainly a red flag. I suggest getting a tubal ligation after birth.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a real pos. Take care of yourself, feel better, and while you are in bed google divorce attorneys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sick, sicker than I have been in the past 5 years, and the only thing he’s done for me is buy me a ton of coconut water to hydrate myself with. Asked him for peace and quiet and if he could please move his computer and work outside the bedroom for a few days so I could rest and sleep, and the answer was no because it was too much of a hassle to move the furniture/desktop computer. Perfunctory asking how I felt with no real care or concern. He seems mad that I’ve ruined Christmas (his family is coming in and he’s afraid they will get sick too), accused me of “doing nothing” for the past 3 days because I’ve been unable to leave the bed (today is the first day I’ve been ok enough to get on a computer and type). Did I mention I’m 35 weeks pregnant? God I am so hurt.

What isn't he taking a day off work to care for you and prepare the house for a Christmas and baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a jackass. You have permission to rip him a new one. Here’s what you can say:
“Let me clear with you: your behavior the past several days has been reprehensible. I’m 35 weeks pregnant with your child and sick as a dog. The best you can do is give me some coconut water. Your lack of care is not okay. To be clear, you’ll be taking care of your family when they’re here. I’m focused on two things: getting better and growing this baby. What questions might you have?”

Yep, this. A good script, and firm, which he needs to hear. He also owes you a freaking apology, OP.

Absolutely add to this script a list of what he will do for you. Not what he CAN do but what he will do. Today. Like all the grocery shopping to feed HIS relatives who are coming. Go from there. If he's fearful you'll get them sick, well, he can make things so you can just quarantine in the bedroom, can't he? Tell him that.

He also must move his workspace out of the bedroom right now. WTF? That would be a MINIMUM of courtesy toward a sick spouse. Tell him it's non-negotiable.

Let his behavior be your warning here, OP. If he is like this toward you now, do you think he'll be much help when your baby/toddler/child is sick, or will he expect you to handle everything AND also get the house ready for, say, holiday visitors? Does he usually act this immature and does he usually lack empathy? When someone is this self-centered and treats their supposed loved one like this, as if you should be up and doing what he expects, it's a warning that he's not going to grow empathy, or learn to think for himself about ways to help. He needs some retraining and fast, before your baby's first real sickness.

I'm furious on your behalf, OP. He might try to blame his lack of concern and lack of action on feeling overwhelmed, the holidays, visitors coming, he's upset blah blah but...a decent guy who actually thinks about others' needs shouldn't try to excuse this level of jerkishness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In fairness, no one really cares about another adult being sick- some are just better at hiding it. It is often an inconvenience and it is difficult to empathize. Most people care about their kids, period. That said, not being able to manage to faux cosset and attend to a heavily pregnant wife is certainly a red flag. I suggest getting a tubal ligation after birth.

Wow. You need an empathy transplant, PP.

Many of us, maybe most of us, do care when other adults we care about are are sick. No "faux cosseting" about it.

I suggest that instead of OP getting a tubal ligation after birth, you get some therapy to figure out why you lack empathy and can only care about kids and not adults. You are projecting hard when you claim that "no one" really cares about another adult who's sick. You can't claim to know what everyone, everywhere cares about. But your statements about how it's "difficult to empathize" are, as you put it yourself, certainly a red flag. But then, if you've never felt empathy, you won't understand why the lack of it in a person is a problem, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can't care for yourself while sick and no children, you're in for a very rude awakening when that baby is born.

You might want to work on your reading comprehension. OP has been trying to take off herself. Her rude husband couldn’t relocate himself to work somewhere else for a couple of days so that she could sleep and get better.

Wait, I just read posts that said the sick DH should relocate to the family room. OP, can relocate to another bed and go to sleep without all this extra drama. The idea of moving furniture out of a room seems dumb.

DH can relocate to a hotel room along with his family that's coming to visit. And maybe stay there after they leave.

[Anonymous]

OP needs to sleep. She needs fluids and some food. It's unclear to me whether she needs medicine picked up. (At day 3, it would seem no). It appears they do not have other children.

What exactly is her DH supposed to be doing here?

[Anonymous]

The only thing that makes him a jerk is him.complaining about you not doing anything.
Although he like me is probably questioning how sick you actually are.


If you're on DCUM whining you're not that sick. If you have energy to start a fight about furniture you aren't that sick.

Furniture gets moved if you're in hospice and they have to put up a hospital bed.
Not for a cold.
Please grow up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to sleep. She needs fluids and some food. It's unclear to me whether she needs medicine picked up. (At day 3, it would seem no). It appears they do not have other children.

What exactly is her DH supposed to be doing here?

My question exactly.

It sounds like op wants to be fussed over like a 3 year old with the sniffles.

She has a cold. Most of us learn how to deal with them by the time we graduate college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In fairness, no one really cares about another adult being sick- some are just better at hiding it. It is often an inconvenience and it is difficult to empathize. Most people care about their kids, period. That said, not being able to manage to faux cosset and attend to a heavily pregnant wife is certainly a red flag. I suggest getting a tubal ligation after birth.

Speak for yourself

[Anonymous]

Why would anyone want to stay in the same room as a sick person? If he doesn't want to move just keep coughing and sneezing his direction.

Also, maybe don't have anymore kids with him.