Adult children, how far away from parents is enough?

[Anonymous]

2 hours

[Anonymous]

I don’t know anyone in our family - and there are a lot of us - whose adult kids don’t want to live as close to their parents as they can. All of our adult kids (four) live within a 20 minute drive, and two of the four are within walking distance. Most kids of my brothers’ and sister’s kid live just as close to their parents too (in other cities), and the ones who don’t are sad that they can’t.

So many dysfunctional families on DCUM. I wonder if it’s just a DMV regional thing.

[Anonymous]

The Atlantic.

3800 miles as the seagull flies.

It's great when everyone's in good health, not so great when someone has a decline or sudden medical event.

But that's what it takes for my mother to leave me alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Atlantic.

3800 miles as the seagull flies.

It's great when everyone's in good health, not so great when someone has a decline or sudden medical event.

But that's what it takes for my mother to leave me alone.

You’re a peach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone in our family - and there are a lot of us - whose adult kids don’t want to live as close to their parents as they can. All of our adult kids (four) live within a 20 minute drive, and two of the four are within walking distance. Most kids of my brothers’ and sister’s kid live just as close to their parents too (in other cities), and the ones who don’t are sad that they can’t.

So many dysfunctional families on DCUM. I wonder if it’s just a DMV regional thing.

You'll have to accept that "different from me" does not equal "dysfunctional". It's hard, I know.
The reality is that you're in the DC area, capital of the world. There are MANY transplants from all over the planet who work here because their expertise is needed, and paid for. Their parents are far away. Sometimes they feel sad, sometimes they're fine with it.

But the mere fact that families live scattered across the globe is not dysfunctional. We are an international family, with parents who also didn't live close to their parents, and we know many families like ours. At one point, I have close relatives settled or working on every continent except Antarctica. This is the modern world, OP. I would never prevent my kids from following their heart's desire to the opposite side of the world, because of some strange notion that a "functional" family lives 20 minutes away from each other.

[Anonymous]

PP, not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Atlantic.

3800 miles as the seagull flies.

It's great when everyone's in good health, not so great when someone has a decline or sudden medical event.

But that's what it takes for my mother to leave me alone.

You’re a peach.

Sorry, you mean my mother is a peach, right? Why are you blaming the victim?

[Anonymous]

We live 30 mins from my parents and grandparents and I wish we were walking distance.

[Anonymous]

We live 6 hour drive from my parents and 2 hours from my husband’s parents. I would love to live much closer to mine, but they live in a rural and less desirable area. We seen them 5 or 6 times a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone in our family - and there are a lot of us - whose adult kids don’t want to live as close to their parents as they can. All of our adult kids (four) live within a 20 minute drive, and two of the four are within walking distance. Most kids of my brothers’ and sister’s kid live just as close to their parents too (in other cities), and the ones who don’t are sad that they can’t.

So many dysfunctional families on DCUM. I wonder if it’s just a DMV regional thing.

You'll have to accept that "different from me" does not equal "dysfunctional". It's hard, I know.
The reality is that you're in the DC area, capital of the world. There are MANY transplants from all over the planet who work here because their expertise is needed, and paid for. Their parents are far away. Sometimes they feel sad, sometimes they're fine with it.

But the mere fact that families live scattered across the globe is not dysfunctional. We are an international family, with parents who also didn't live close to their parents, and we know many families like ours. At one point, I have close relatives settled or working on every continent except Antarctica. This is the modern world, OP. I would never prevent my kids from following their heart's desire to the opposite side of the world, because of some strange notion that a "functional" family lives 20 minutes away from each other.

Just STFU. This thread is full of posts where posters are taking shots against their parents and affirmatively saying that it’s good to be as far away from family as humanely possible. And that is crazy dysfunctional bullshit. As I said in my post, we do have some family who don’t live near their parents - but they’re not happy about it. THAT is normal. Being happy about being away from your family is the definition of dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone in our family - and there are a lot of us - whose adult kids don’t want to live as close to their parents as they can. All of our adult kids (four) live within a 20 minute drive, and two of the four are within walking distance. Most kids of my brothers’ and sister’s kid live just as close to their parents too (in other cities), and the ones who don’t are sad that they can’t.

So many dysfunctional families on DCUM. I wonder if it’s just a DMV regional thing.

You'll have to accept that "different from me" does not equal "dysfunctional". It's hard, I know.
The reality is that you're in the DC area, capital of the world. There are MANY transplants from all over the planet who work here because their expertise is needed, and paid for. Their parents are far away. Sometimes they feel sad, sometimes they're fine with it.

But the mere fact that families live scattered across the globe is not dysfunctional. We are an international family, with parents who also didn't live close to their parents, and we know many families like ours. At one point, I have close relatives settled or working on every continent except Antarctica. This is the modern world, OP. I would never prevent my kids from following their heart's desire to the opposite side of the world, because of some strange notion that a "functional" family lives 20 minutes away from each other.

Just STFU. This thread is full of posts where posters are taking shots against their parents and affirmatively saying that it’s good to be as far away from family as humanely possible. And that is crazy dysfunctional bullshit. As I said in my post, we do have some family who don’t live near their parents - but they’re not happy about it. THAT is normal. Being happy about being away from your family is the definition of dysfunction.

DP. Well, how lucky we are to have you here to model how someone raised in an idyllic family communicates with others the appropriate judgment on their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone in our family - and there are a lot of us - whose adult kids don’t want to live as close to their parents as they can. All of our adult kids (four) live within a 20 minute drive, and two of the four are within walking distance. Most kids of my brothers’ and sister’s kid live just as close to their parents too (in other cities), and the ones who don’t are sad that they can’t.

So many dysfunctional families on DCUM. I wonder if it’s just a DMV regional thing.

I think that is weird. None of the offspring have ventured out into the world? Sounds like people are stuck in a small town and don't know how to outgrow it. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just far enough that they have to drive. But close enough to be there for emergencies

Best compromise

[Anonymous]

I love 35 minutes from my mom and a 2 hour plane ride from my dad. I wish I lived closer to both! I get along with them well and they are great with my kids. Last week, my husband was out of town and one of my kids developed an earache. My mom was able to rush over to urgent care to stay with the earache kid while I got the little ones in to bed. Having that kind of support nearby is so, so helpful.

[Anonymous]

In-laws are in FL, my parents less than 5 miles from us. We are all happy about this, even DH. My parents were very helpful when the kids were little, and now, sometimes it's months without seeing them and sometimes it's days. We all lead busy lives