if you found a way to let over the top grandparent gift giving go, tell me how you did it

[Anonymous]

I understand, OP except it was my parents. We argued every year that they showed up weighed down with gifts. After a few years DH and I started to take deep breaths and that's all I can recommend. I also started to point out, as gently as I could, that they were getting random stuff just to have volume and our kids didn't enjoy what they got because they refused to take suggestions from us.

In our case, and this doesn't help you, but Covid really dialed it back since we didn't get together for two Christmases in a row and they had to ship gifts. Similar to PP, mine only believe in stuff not gift cards or experience gifts or 529 contributions. They want the excitement of a massive pile of presents.

It has also gotten better now that we're out of the toy phase. Buying a big stack of hoodies isn't nearly as satisfying to them.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand your written English.

[Anonymous]

I didn't let it go and I regret that. My kids are now young adults and my parents have died. I realize that not being angry at my parents would have been a kinder, more loving and all-around better outcome for all three generations of our family. There are plenty of solutions to the question of what to do with the gift. As others have pointed out, you can donate them or put them away in a closet and bring them out slowly over the course of the year. But whatever you choose to do about the objects, letting go of the anger and annoyance and frustration will allow you to grow in patience and model that for your children. That is a gift.

[Anonymous]

I still struggle. MIL has said to DD, “Price is no object.” I don’t want to raise DD to think that is normal. I don’t want DD thinking up extravagant gifts and targeting MIL for them. I don’t want the best gifts coming from MIL rather than us or Santa (well, Santa is no more, but it used to be a real source of anger for DH and me that his mom would always try to give the best and biggest gifts).

MIL is incredibly superficial and a huge shopaholic. It is something I dread every Christmas and is a huge source of stress for DH and me. She knows it, doesn’t care, and carries on.

[Anonymous]

This is my mom. To me, it's not worth getting upset about. She will buy DS 20+ gifts. She was the same for my brother and I growing up and her parents were the same. Gift giving is 100% her love language. Its annoying, but at the end of the day, it also isnt a big deal. We may put some stuff away for later or DS may play with everything at first and then lose interest. It's just not worth getting worked up about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still struggle. MIL has said to DD, “Price is no object.” I don’t want to raise DD to think that is normal. I don’t want DD thinking up extravagant gifts and targeting MIL for them. I don’t want the best gifts coming from MIL rather than us or Santa (well, Santa is no more, but it used to be a real source of anger for DH and me that his mom would always try to give the best and biggest gifts).

MIL is incredibly superficial and a huge shopaholic. It is something I dread every Christmas and is a huge source of stress for DH and me. She knows it, doesn’t care, and carries on.

Everyone's lives would be easier if you just let it go and let MIL do this and let dd experience it. It is ok, really.

[Anonymous]

Request that they contribute to the kids’ college fund instead. Send them the link. Say, Larla really doesn’t need another 400 plastic toys, but in 15 years, she’s really not going to want student loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still struggle. MIL has said to DD, “Price is no object.” I don’t want to raise DD to think that is normal. I don’t want DD thinking up extravagant gifts and targeting MIL for them. I don’t want the best gifts coming from MIL rather than us or Santa (well, Santa is no more, but it used to be a real source of anger for DH and me that his mom would always try to give the best and biggest gifts).

MIL is incredibly superficial and a huge shopaholic. It is something I dread every Christmas and is a huge source of stress for DH and me. She knows it, doesn’t care, and carries on.

Everyone's lives would be easier if you just let it go and let MIL do this and let dd experience it. It is ok, really.

+1

You are trying to compete for your child’s affection and it isn’t necessary. Let your MIL do the ridiculous stuff. Let her buy the ridiculous stuff. You and your DH can be the practical balance.

Why do you and your DH need to give the biggest and best gift? What do you get from that?

[Anonymous]

We have grandparents who don’t send anything. You just have to realize you can’t control other people and let it go. If they are open to suggestion on what gifts to give, steer them in the direction you want them to go. If they aren’t, then just thank them and then donate what you don’t want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Request that they contribute to the kids’ college fund instead. Send them the link. Say, Larla really doesn’t need another 400 plastic toys, but in 15 years, she’s really not going to want student loans.

this just doesn't work!

[Anonymous]

I think you are lucky they only give 5 gifts each. My mother gives each kid at least 10-15 gifts plus gifts for DH and I. It's insane.

I will say, it's gotten a lot better as they have aged. They are now 11 and 13 and the amount has decreased because the stuff is more expensive. And they give more cash now as it's not exciting to buy teen boy clothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the absolute worst that happens from it? DC’s room is packed with too much stuff for a few weeks until you clean it out?

It’s one day, one pile of things. A month from now you can donate it all if needed.

I’d feel differently if we lived in a tiny apartment, but DC has his own room so plenty of space to hold kiddy junk.

The worst that happens:
The gift giver asks to see it for the next two years every time they come to visit, and then throw a fit when you've trashed it. (My MIL)
The child cries every time you try to get rid of something? (my kids)
Mom is completely overwhelmed with the amount of clutter in the house and sick of picking shit up every night? (me)
Kids are spoiled and come to expect it?
Environmental reasons - total waste and plastic is ruining our world?

These are the reasons I don't like it. Sure, it's not the end of the world but usually it's the mom getting stuck with dealing with the disposal or pick up of it. It's really sucked the Christmas joy for me and made it about dealing with shit for a couple weeks afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the absolute worst that happens from it? DC’s room is packed with too much stuff for a few weeks until you clean it out?

It’s one day, one pile of things. A month from now you can donate it all if needed.

I’d feel differently if we lived in a tiny apartment, but DC has his own room so plenty of space to hold kiddy junk.

The worst that happens:
The gift giver asks to see it for the next two years every time they come to visit, and then throw a fit when you've trashed it. (My MIL)
The child cries every time you try to get rid of something? (my kids)
Mom is completely overwhelmed with the amount of clutter in the house and sick of picking shit up every night? (me)
Kids are spoiled and come to expect it?
Environmental reasons - total waste and plastic is ruining our world?

These are the reasons I don't like it. Sure, it's not the end of the world but usually it's the mom getting stuck with dealing with the disposal or pick up of it. It's really sucked the Christmas joy for me and made it about dealing with shit for a couple weeks afterwards.

How old is your kid? Because soon enough they won't play with toys. And get rid of the toys when they aren't looking, not right in front of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP. I replied in a similar thread. Years later and I still have some resentment towards my MIL but the kids are teens now and she’s lost interest. She spends all of our money ( we financially support her) on a younger grandchild in the family. The way I dealt with it was to know I would donate 90 percent. The boxes wouldn’t even get opened, I would rewrap them nicely, and donate the following year. It helped knowing that we were giving to a family that would truly appreciate them. I tried my best to turn her shopaholic extravagance into something closer to the true meaning of Christmas and that helped a lot. I even started to include the kids so they knew their unused toys were going to good use. We continue this tradition today except now we buy all of the toys since Grandma has a new target.

This is exactly what we did. I stored 90% in the attic and donated the next year to my church. There were times it would take 2 carloads to get them all to the church, that's how crazy she was. My kids never noticed what was missing (so much stuff just becomes noise) and she never noticed they weren't there, either. I had tried to get her to stop and realized it was a losing battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the absolute worst that happens from it? DC’s room is packed with too much stuff for a few weeks until you clean it out?

It’s one day, one pile of things. A month from now you can donate it all if needed.

I’d feel differently if we lived in a tiny apartment, but DC has his own room so plenty of space to hold kiddy junk.

The worst that happens:
The gift giver asks to see it for the next two years every time they come to visit, and then throw a fit when you've trashed it. (My MIL)
The child cries every time you try to get rid of something? (my kids)
Mom is completely overwhelmed with the amount of clutter in the house and sick of picking shit up every night? (me)
Kids are spoiled and come to expect it?
Environmental reasons - total waste and plastic is ruining our world?

These are the reasons I don't like it. Sure, it's not the end of the world but usually it's the mom getting stuck with dealing with the disposal or pick up of it. It's really sucked the Christmas joy for me and made it about dealing with shit for a couple weeks afterwards.

How old is your kid? Because soon enough they won't play with toys. And get rid of the toys when they aren't looking, not right in front of them.

I have 7.l of various ages. Im perfectly capable, but why can’t we just have a conversation that it’s not welcome? My MIL is broke AND will ask me to get out a game she gave a year later. Just stop already. It’s gross.