Activities with friends: is it assumed that the person who suggests it pays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or maybe they said something more definitive like thank you so much for treating us to dinner tonight. But we had never talked about payment and we all made the same amount at work. It was an expensive meal and we had just treated them over at our house the month before.

So I guess yes you can expect people might pay but they might not get together with you again.

That’s wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it's not assumed but I'll say, "Are you interested in going to X? Tickets are $x amount each."

This is a good way to make it clear. Or if they say "do you want to go the the XYZ concert with me?" I might say "Let me check my calendar. Do you know how much tickets cost?"

If I might otherwise be free but it's out of my budget, I'll say "I wish I could but it's out of my budget this month." Then if their preference is to have company, they're free to say "This will be my treat." We might go back and forth a few times, but if they insist, I'll take the offer or pay part.

I hope that's okay. My friends generally have larger budgets than I do at this stage of life but I don't want to be a leech.

[Anonymous]

Depends on activity and number of friends and on probably several other things.

[Anonymous]

The default is everyone pays their own way unless the initiator makes clear they are treating ("I'd like to take you to lunch for your birthday" or "want to grab a drink after work? My treat.")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or maybe they said something more definitive like thank you so much for treating us to dinner tonight. But we had never talked about payment and we all made the same amount at work. It was an expensive meal and we had just treated them over at our house the month before.

So I guess yes you can expect people might pay but they might not get together with you again.

+1

Even if you think your friend or family member is rich, there is no reason they should pick up your tab - they have bills too, OP. In fact, the rich people i know are quite independent (no one helps them - at all, ever) and thrifty.

[Anonymous]

What? No, never! Like a movie or concert with friends? I would never assume that one person is paying.

I texted 4 friends about a concert....on no planet would any of us assume anything but paying our own way.

[Anonymous]

No, unless they offer to upfront. When we go out with friends to dinner or a show we always split the bill or pay for our own tickets. The exception is family members or relatives who we know have less resources than we do. If I’m organizing a special event like my husbands birthday then I will pick up the check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes or no?

All splitting the bill or this is my treat or can you swing this cost is always included in the invitation info and talk.

Grow up. This shouldn’t be this difficult, especially with friends.

You just say, “want to come, here’s the cost? No worries either way if you can or can’t swing it. I’m going in Dec XYZ.”

And if the inviter doesn’t says then you do. “Hey that sounds fun but I’m saving up for some other things. We should do abc together some other time, I can’t do XYZ right now.”

[Anonymous]

The worst people are the lurkers who jones for others to pay for them.
They purposely AVOID the who’s paying topic, RUN DOWN the clock, and force an awkward moment where they hope to win payment from others by them feigning confusion, no wallet or credit card, or total ignorance.

Time after time, they are just so so confused they never seek to clear it up, just keep creating bad last minute situations, to win favor and save a buck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me once. We went on a dinner date with another husband and wife couple we were friends with and they asked us what place we recommended so we recommended a restaurant. When the bill came they said thank you so much for dinner. It was so awkward and I couldn't believe they both felt us paying was appropriate. We never went out with them again.

This. No manners, avoid communications.

[Anonymous]

With friends the assumption is always that you pay for yourself.

Every once in awhile a friend will invite me and say “my treat” which means they are offering to pay. Without that explicit communication, it would be super weird to expect another adult to pay for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There may also be a cultural difference/expectation. It’s always helpful to clarify if you are concerned.

Another deliberate tool not to pay.

Me so confused you invite bc it’s me, no wallet today. What? Bill? Tip? What?

Only works once, then you move into selfish jerk status. Fast.

[Anonymous]

Don't show up anywhere you can't afford to be, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. It's not a date. Each person should expect to pay their own way unless otherwise stated by the organizer.

+1

You are an adult, OP - start taking responsibility, and stop thinking people owe you.

I'm sure someone else expected OP to pay, rather than OP expecting someone else to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The worst people are the lurkers who jones for others to pay for them.
They purposely AVOID the who’s paying topic, RUN DOWN the clock, and force an awkward moment where they hope to win payment from others by them feigning confusion, no wallet or credit card, or total ignorance.

Time after time, they are just so so confused they never seek to clear it up, just keep creating bad last minute situations, to win favor and save a buck.

Oh, that's too bad. Do you have your phone? Venmo, zelle, paypal are all fine. Let's just get it out of the way now so we don't have to remember later.