What is fair in this divorce?

[Anonymous]

You have only been married four years. You aren’t going to get much. Certainly nothing he owned before you were married and certainly no alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've been through hell and I personally think what is "fair" is for you to get almost it all - he will be able to replace it quickly and i imagine you spent tremendous time and energy trying to help him and deserve some security in your life when you walk away

but i'd probably accept 1/3 to be done with it. a contentious battle could easily eat up more than that in legal fees.

Fair isn’t really the issue. She gets half of assets accumulated during the short marriage. There’s no compensation for “stress” or whatever. Judge doesn’t care and a lawyer will tell you that. Nor does a judge care that he can make it back quickly in the future. The law doesn’t work this way and the sooner you understand that the better.

You get nothing of the $200,000 down payment on the condo except what you contributed to it. You said it was mostly from him. So if you put in $10,000 and he put in $190,000, that’s what you get. Plus 50/50 of any equity, should there be any after costs.

You get half of any savings accumulated during the marriage. If any of that $100,000 in savings was there before the marriage, back that out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've been through hell and I personally think what is "fair" is for you to get almost it all - he will be able to replace it quickly and i imagine you spent tremendous time and energy trying to help him and deserve some security in your life when you walk away

but i'd probably accept 1/3 to be done with it. a contentious battle could easily eat up more than that in legal fees.

Fair isn’t really the issue. She gets half of assets accumulated during the short marriage. There’s no compensation for “stress” or whatever. Judge doesn’t care and a lawyer will tell you that. Nor does a judge care that he can make it back quickly in the future. The law doesn’t work this way and the sooner you understand that the better.

You get nothing of the $200,000 down payment on the condo except what you contributed to it. You said it was mostly from him. So if you put in $10,000 and he put in $190,000, that’s what you get. Plus 50/50 of any equity, should there be any after costs.

You get half of any savings accumulated during the marriage. If any of that $100,000 in savings was there before the marriage, back that out.

No she won’t get 1/2 of the saving unless she can show she contributed 1/2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you. My career has definitely been dialed back, moreso by my own failings early on, not because his was so demanding. I do/did, however, do almost everything around the house because of how demanding his job was. But, it’s not much if i’m being honest. No kids, condo isn’t huge, etc.
All of our finances are combined, and we’re both on the mortgage/ deed. So we’re both contributing, but obviously very different amounts.

What I think is fair is a 70/30 split of our bank accounts. If we’re doing the math, I make 22% of what he makes, so in my mind, 22% of the savings/checking seems fair. I tacked on another 8% to round it out because of all the damn stress (I know that isn’t a good reason).

But then there’s also the large question of the condo. That could be another $200k coming in, but did I contribute to the down payment? Barely. Again, combined finances but it was mostly money that he had saved for a while.

You really shouldn't be posting these things on a public board. Save this discussion for your attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've been through hell and I personally think what is "fair" is for you to get almost it all - he will be able to replace it quickly and i imagine you spent tremendous time and energy trying to help him and deserve some security in your life when you walk away

but i'd probably accept 1/3 to be done with it. a contentious battle could easily eat up more than that in legal fees.

Fair isn’t really the issue. She gets half of assets accumulated during the short marriage. There’s no compensation for “stress” or whatever. Judge doesn’t care and a lawyer will tell you that. Nor does a judge care that he can make it back quickly in the future. The law doesn’t work this way and the sooner you understand that the better.

You get nothing of the $200,000 down payment on the condo except what you contributed to it. You said it was mostly from him. So if you put in $10,000 and he put in $190,000, that’s what you get. Plus 50/50 of any equity, should there be any after costs.

You get half of any savings accumulated during the marriage. If any of that $100,000 in savings was there before the marriage, back that out.

No she won’t get 1/2 of the saving unless she can show she contributed 1/2.

1/2 of what’s accumulated during marriage is pretty standard but they weren’t married long so I imagine it’s not that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've been through hell and I personally think what is "fair" is for you to get almost it all - he will be able to replace it quickly and i imagine you spent tremendous time and energy trying to help him and deserve some security in your life when you walk away

but i'd probably accept 1/3 to be done with it. a contentious battle could easily eat up more than that in legal fees.

Female here. Please tell me you are joking. Posters like you give women a bad name.

[Anonymous]

You both had a spending issue. You need to live within your means. Split any assets earned in marriage and you both support yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you. My career has definitely been dialed back, moreso by my own failings early on, not because his was so demanding. I do/did, however, do almost everything around the house because of how demanding his job was. But, it’s not much if i’m being honest. No kids, condo isn’t huge, etc.
All of our finances are combined, and we’re both on the mortgage/ deed. So we’re both contributing, but obviously very different amounts.

What I think is fair is a 70/30 split of our bank accounts. If we’re doing the math, I make 22% of what he makes, so in my mind, 22% of the savings/checking seems fair. I tacked on another 8% to round it out because of all the damn stress (I know that isn’t a good reason).

But then there’s also the large question of the condo. That could be another $200k coming in, but did I contribute to the down payment? Barely. Again, combined finances but it was mostly money that he had saved for a while.

Fair is 50-50. If he earned the down payment during marriage you split it. If he earned it before marriage he gets it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've been through hell and I personally think what is "fair" is for you to get almost it all - he will be able to replace it quickly and i imagine you spent tremendous time and energy trying to help him and deserve some security in your life when you walk away

but i'd probably accept 1/3 to be done with it. a contentious battle could easily eat up more than that in legal fees.

Fair isn’t really the issue. She gets half of assets accumulated during the short marriage. There’s no compensation for “stress” or whatever. Judge doesn’t care and a lawyer will tell you that. Nor does a judge care that he can make it back quickly in the future. The law doesn’t work this way and the sooner you understand that the better.

You get nothing of the $200,000 down payment on the condo except what you contributed to it. You said it was mostly from him. So if you put in $10,000 and he put in $190,000, that’s what you get. Plus 50/50 of any equity, should there be any after costs.

You get half of any savings accumulated during the marriage. If any of that $100,000 in savings was there before the marriage, back that out.

again - she only gets half in a community property state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you. My career has definitely been dialed back, moreso by my own failings early on, not because his was so demanding. I do/did, however, do almost everything around the house because of how demanding his job was. But, it’s not much if i’m being honest. No kids, condo isn’t huge, etc.
All of our finances are combined, and we’re both on the mortgage/ deed. So we’re both contributing, but obviously very different amounts.

What I think is fair is a 70/30 split of our bank accounts. If we’re doing the math, I make 22% of what he makes, so in my mind, 22% of the savings/checking seems fair. I tacked on another 8% to round it out because of all the damn stress (I know that isn’t a good reason).

But then there’s also the large question of the condo. That could be another $200k coming in, but did I contribute to the down payment? Barely. Again, combined finances but it was mostly money that he had saved for a while.

Fair is 50-50. If he earned the down payment during marriage you split it. If he earned it before marriage he gets it.

Nope not in most states.

[Anonymous]

Stop focusing on what is "fair" and start focusing on what you are legally entitled to, which is probably half of your marital assets (anything earned during marriage and any premarital assets or inheritances or gifts that were comingled).

You wasted your youth on this loser. Get as much money as you can, get what you re legally entitled to, without spending too much on lawyer fees.

I think you need to consult a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop focusing on what is "fair" and start focusing on what you are legally entitled to, which is probably half of your marital assets (anything earned during marriage and any premarital assets or inheritances or gifts that were comingled).

You wasted your youth on this loser. Get as much money as you can, get what you re legally entitled to, without spending too much on lawyer fees.

I think you need to consult a lawyer.

Not everybody is a g0ld digg$r

[Anonymous]

$200k and a year of alimony.

[Anonymous]

If you get a third of the equity and investment accounts take it and get on with your life. Close this chapter and move on and don’t make it worse by fighting for what ultimately will be peanuts.

[Anonymous]

You’re not going to get much if any alimony and it sounds like there is not a lot accumulated to divide. You’re really in trouble on that salary if you have kids. From a purely mercenary perspective I’d have held on longer bc you are in for a tough time financially.