Rules for 18yr. old High Schooler

[Anonymous]

My kid sounds like your kid! Mostly good, but a bit of a pain as they test new limits.

My 18-yo has gotten a later curfew, I don't monitor bedtime, and I do expect regular help with chores.

[Anonymous]

How have you prepared this kid to live on his own 9 months from now?

[Anonymous]

OP, I suggest you do away with all rules except for household chores. See how it goes. Observe but don’t comment. Let him flourish or make errors and find his own footing.

[Anonymous]

Now is the perfect time to get rid of the bedtime. He needs to learn to self-regulate and figure out how to go to bed at a reasonable time in order to get up for school. A good punishment for oversleeping/missing school would be the loss of car privileges. Make him take the bus or arrange his own ride.

I'm a professor and so many freshmen miss and skip morning classes because they go from monitored bedtimes and curfews to total freedom.

I would also stop the electronics off at 10 pm and phone in the kitchen rule. Again, he needs to learn to self-regulate without rules in order to be successful and productive in college.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, 10:30 bed time? Does mommy tuck him in as well?

Yes you need to loosen the reins. I’d probably keep chores but that’s about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, 10:30 bed time? Does mommy tuck him in as well?

Yes you need to loosen the reins. I’d probably keep chores but that’s about it.

My 14 year old doesn't even have a set bedtime. I say goodnight when I go to bed and say don't stay up too late. If he does, oh well, tomorrow's going to suck for you bud. You have to learn somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid was still 17 when he graduated, and he didn't have a bedtime. That seems like a reasonable rule to drop.

It's a problem when there's too much homework

[Anonymous]

This is why I refuse to have an 18 year old senior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Now that my son has turned 18 he wants to "modify" some rules, such as bedtime, curfues, electronic usage, chores and parental "guidance.

Rules as of now:

Bedtime: 10:30pm
Wake up: 7am. Be on time to school. He drives.
Curfue: 12am Friday and Saturday only. 1am if it's a special event.
Electronic usage: unlimited but electronics off at 10pm. Phone stays in the kitchen.
Chores: Room tidy, trash out, feed/walk the dog after school.

He basically wants complete independence with no rules... at all. He says we're too strict. Grades are good but could be better. Heading for college next year.

Personality: sweet and respectful but so forgetful and always distracted (mostly because he's glued to the phone).

Did you continue the rules for your 18 year old but still high schooler? or Did you completely go Laissez-faire style once they turned 18?

Went through this last year. Bedtime went away Jr year b/c of homework, kid became responsible for going to bed and getting up on time. We also stopped requiring him to charge his phone in the kitchen overnight. There was an issue with him being chronically late to school and when he ended up in front of the Assistant Principal and the consequences were laid out, low and behold he got to school on time. It was hard to watch him be chronically tired, but he had to figure it out b/c now he's in a college dorm on his own.

Curfew was an issue. We went to a flexible curfew with expectations around communication, but the communication rarely happened as we requested so that was a pain point up until when he left for college.

We also required him to get a job, which I highly recommend especially if ECs/sports have dropped off.

IMO chores are unrelated to being 18, they are simply a part of life.

[Anonymous]

He's 18 and wants to be a transitional adult. Ok

His jobis school. Get up get to work and do well without mom or dad harping at him.

Participate in the household in a meaningful fashion as an adult without being asked. Since his job doesn't pay, actively helping with the operations of the home. Taking care of it, cleaning it, generally being helpful. Again, without being asked.

Wanna be treated like an adult, act like one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I refuse to have an 18 year old senior.

FCPS's cut-off is Sept 30th so a baby is born Oct. 1 - and all the ones thereafter - are going to turn 18 during their senior year as my kid did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think an 18 year old needs to keep their phone in the kitchen at night time, wow.

He should also be able to choose his own bedtime at this point. Assuming he can get up for school and not be late, he needs to figure out bedtime on his own. Holy cow.

If these 2 things were eliminated, I bet he would feel a lot more empowered and not complain so much about other rules in place that actually matter.

DH and I are grown adults and we keep our phones in the kitchen at night. We all just leave them in the kitchen when we go to bed.

I can’t believe and adult would encourage an 18yo to keep a phone in his bedroom, wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I refuse to have an 18 year old senior.

What a ridiculous response.

Most kids will turn 18 sometime during their senior year. It’s not a redshirting thing-just normal kids starting K when they are five.

[Anonymous]

You can start with the low hanging fruit - it’s ridiculous for your 18 yo to have a bedtime set by you. Full stop. Tell him you’ll drop that, and maybe the curfew is next.

[Anonymous]

I’d drop bedtime and curfew. The rest stays. But is “getting up and going to school” really a rule you need to enforce at this point? If so, I would not be paying for college next year.