Rules for 18yr. old High Schooler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think an 18 year old needs to keep their phone in the kitchen at night time, wow.

He should also be able to choose his own bedtime at this point. Assuming he can get up for school and not be late, he needs to figure out bedtime on his own. Holy cow.

If these 2 things were eliminated, I bet he would feel a lot more empowered and not complain so much about other rules in place that actually matter.

DH and I are grown adults and we keep our phones in the kitchen at night. We all just leave them in the kitchen when we go to bed.

I can’t believe and adult would encourage an 18yo to keep a phone in his bedroom, wow.

NP. Guess where college kids keep their phones.

wow.

[Anonymous]

OP, agree with other posters that your son is going to struggle the second he gets to college without you there to micromanage him. You need to loosen up and let him adult a bit. Part of that means screwing up.

My DS has been largely managing his own schedule since sophomore year. Once he was able to drive independently at night we had some negotiating around "curfew" because I was still waiting up for him, and we did not allow him to attend a coed sleepover after junior year prom.

By the time he was a senior, though, it was basically "let me know if you will be home later than 1 or 2 or if you are staying out all night." If he planned to skip school he needed to let me know why. I gave him advice about things, and watched him look exhausted and terrible every now and then, but he figured it out with minimal life impact. Meanwhile, he has a buddy in college who has already slept through two huge exams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I refuse to have an 18 year old senior.

Such a moronic post. So you were doing the math when you got pregnant to avoid this??? You timed it so that your kid would be born in June but only after graduation? You must be a fertility genius. Or just a complete moron. I'll go with the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Now that my son has turned 18 he wants to "modify" some rules, such as bedtime, curfues, electronic usage, chores and parental "guidance.

Rules as of now:

Bedtime: 10:30pm
Wake up: 7am. Be on time to school. He drives.
Curfue: 12am Friday and Saturday only. 1am if it's a special event.
Electronic usage: unlimited but electronics off at 10pm. Phone stays in the kitchen.
Chores: Room tidy, trash out, feed/walk the dog after school.

He basically wants complete independence with no rules... at all. He says we're too strict. Grades are good but could be better. Heading for college next year.

Personality: sweet and respectful but so forgetful and always distracted (mostly because he's glued to the phone).

Did you continue the rules for your 18 year old but still high schooler? or Did you completely go Laissez-faire style once they turned 18?

I will disagree with other posters and say that mom already knows that he's not ready for adult world.

[Anonymous]

Drop this - Bedtime: 10:30pm

Drop the wake up time - Wake up: 7am.

Keep this - Be on time to school. He drives.

Would try to keep this (it can be more about not courtesy and safety than being an adult) - Curfue: 12am Friday and Saturday only. 1am if it's a special event.

Drop this - Electronic usage: unlimited but electronics off at 10pm. Phone stays in the kitchen.

Keep this - Chores: Room tidy, trash out, feed/walk the dog after school.

[Anonymous]

This is crazy to me. I'd keep the chores and I'm on the fence about the curfew - can be later but maybe move to "stay out as late as you want on weekends as long as I have your phone location so I know you aren't in a ditch, and a rough idea of when you are coming home"...and ditch the rest. You might even consider increasing chores and responsibilities in the home if he's going to be treated like an adult?

Keeping the phone in the kitchen for a 17 year old is nuts lmao

[Anonymous]

By senior year, I didn’t police phone/internet usage unless it became a problem (not being able to get up for school when his alarm went off, etc). Curfew was midnight on weekends unless it was a dance, concert, etc. He still had to do his laundry and clean up after himself but I wasn’t going to nag him about it. I was tired by then (I’m a single parent).

[Anonymous]

He's 18, OP. He's a legal adult. If he's a high school senior, then he could quit high school tomorrow if he so chooses, and there isn't a damn thing you could do about it. The law is on his side.

Stop the bedtimes, those are for 12 year olds.

He's an adult. It's time to begin treating him like one.

[Anonymous]

OP, your son will be no contact with you within ten years if you cannot let up. He will get away, and never, ever speak with you again. Stop being so controlling. Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I refuse to have an 18 year old senior.

Unless your kid was born in the summer, you will have a 18yo senior. My daughter was born in January and wasn’t redshirted, she will turn 18 halfway through her senior year. My younger daughter wasn’t redshirted, has a fall birthday, and she will be 18 for the majority of her senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think an 18 year old needs to keep their phone in the kitchen at night time, wow.

He should also be able to choose his own bedtime at this point. Assuming he can get up for school and not be late, he needs to figure out bedtime on his own. Holy cow.

If these 2 things were eliminated, I bet he would feel a lot more empowered and not complain so much about other rules in place that actually matter.

+1

No need to manage bedtime and phone usage. You let them manage it. However, they are responsible for getting up in time to get to school and getting good grades. The natural consequences of not doing either of those is that phone usage might need to be looked at. But the bedtime, your kid needs to learn to manage all of that now, while living at home, with consequences for their mismanagement. Bad grades---equal not hanging out with friends on weeknights and an earlier curfew on weekends, especially if all homework/studying is not done.

But really you should have been teaching him those skills gradually thru HS, not just as he turns 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's 18, OP. He's a legal adult. If he's a high school senior, then he could quit high school tomorrow if he so chooses, and there isn't a damn thing you could do about it. The law is on his side.

Stop the bedtimes, those are for 12 year olds.

He's an adult. It's time to begin treating him like one.

And if he made that choice, one presumes his parents won’t be paying for the college OP referenced in her post next fall. Cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now is the perfect time to get rid of the bedtime. He needs to learn to self-regulate and figure out how to go to bed at a reasonable time in order to get up for school. A good punishment for oversleeping/missing school would be the loss of car privileges. Make him take the bus or arrange his own ride.

I'm a professor and so many freshmen miss and skip morning classes because they go from monitored bedtimes and curfews to total freedom.

I would also stop the electronics off at 10 pm and phone in the kitchen rule. Again, he needs to learn to self-regulate without rules in order to be successful and productive in college.

+1

Natural consequences of consistency being late to school is loss of car privileges and making them ride the bus/figure out how to get there themselves.

HS should be a process where you gradually give your kids more and more responsibilities and you "control their lives" less and less. You want them to learn how to do this successfully while you are still around, not while they are living in a dorm where "everyone sleeps in and misses classes just because"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was still 17 when he graduated, and he didn't have a bedtime. That seems like a reasonable rule to drop.

It's a problem when there's too much homework

Well he needs to learn how to manage life when he goes to college in 9 months.

If he stays up late doing hw or falls asleep and doesn't study for a test or get the assignment done, then his grades will drop. When that happens then you discuss consequences---such as loss of car privileges or reign in the curfew, etc. But at this age you need to let them manage and "fail" if needed and then have a discussion with him about how to fix it. Let him come up with suggestions and tell you why that would be the best solution.
You tell him his job "go to school on time, get good grades, get your chores done, etc" and if he cannot manage that then there are consequences and a discussion of how to modify his plans so he can accomplish it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's 18, OP. He's a legal adult. If he's a high school senior, then he could quit high school tomorrow if he so chooses, and there isn't a damn thing you could do about it. The law is on his side.

Stop the bedtimes, those are for 12 year olds.

He's an adult. It's time to begin treating him like one.

You are correct, he could do that. But then he is 18 and an adult and she does NOT have to provide anything for him anymore. So unless he fully paid for that car, insurance, phone, food, roof over his head he has a lot of work to do quickly. Find and pay for a place to live, pay for a car, pay for food, pay for car insurance and for his phone, etc. She can kick him out and there is not a damn thing he or the law can do about it.


So while she is way too over protective, the He's 18 and an adult doesn't work unless he's ready to actually be a full fledged adult.