DH doesn't help enforce bedtime

[Anonymous]

He's not going to change. So either you let it go, or you relieve him of this job. Maybe you can figure out another job, to make you feel like things are even. As is, you're setting yourself and your daughter up for failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he agree with the bedtime? Who decided that was her bedtime?

OP here. I don't know if he agrees. But for her age, 10 hours appears to be appropriate. If she was showing me she could be pleasant in the morning, I'd be more inclined to push it a little later. She's always been a high sleep needs kid though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he agree with the bedtime? Who decided that was her bedtime?

OP here. I don't know if he agrees. But for her age, 10 hours appears to be appropriate. If she was showing me she could be pleasant in the morning, I'd be more inclined to push it a little later. She's always been a high sleep needs kid though.

Sounds like you have too many activities. Also dictating schedules to adults never works.

[Anonymous]

Are you in the house when this is all happening? Can you let DH handle everything else and then you go in at 8:35 and turn off her light and give her a hug good night? My oldest is 11 and he will read all night long if I don’t go in for one last tuck in and goodnight and make sure he turns off the light.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you in the house when this is all happening? Can you let DH handle everything else and then you go in at 8:35 and turn off her light and give her a hug good night? My oldest is 11 and he will read all night long if I don’t go in for one last tuck in and goodnight and make sure he turns off the light.

Op here. I am, and usually do give a 5 minute warning then come around 8:35 to have her do lights out ... but he's in there and I shouldn't have to! And if I do, he doesn't make sure it happens. Half the time, he's the issue, just distracting her or letting her read/iPad longer until I come in there again. It's just so irritating that he won't enforce a reasonable bedtime. It's not like I'm trying to make her go to bed at 7pm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he agree with the bedtime? Who decided that was her bedtime?

OP here. I don't know if he agrees. But for her age, 10 hours appears to be appropriate. If she was showing me she could be pleasant in the morning, I'd be more inclined to push it a little later. She's always been a high sleep needs kid though.

Sounds like you have too many activities. Also dictating schedules to adults never works.

Not sure how you got that from this post? She was a high sleep needs kid since she was born when we did zero activities.

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain op. My DH is like this. He won’t help with enforcing any rules regarding bedtime, limiting iPad or tv time or even making sure kids get up in the morning and get ready. His response is I told them to do it and shouldn’t have to make sure they do or stand there and make sure kid actually goes to bed or wakes up on time. Only advice I have is that he may never change. I had to handle bedtime, morning time and generally be the “bad” parent.

It sucks but it’s what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain op. My DH is like this. He won’t help with enforcing any rules regarding bedtime, limiting iPad or tv time or even making sure kids get up in the morning and get ready. His response is I told them to do it and shouldn’t have to make sure they do or stand there and make sure kid actually goes to bed or wakes up on time. Only advice I have is that he may never change. I had to handle bedtime, morning time and generally be the “bad” parent.

It sucks but it’s what it is.

OP here. Omg this is my DH through and through. It's so frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you in the house when this is all happening? Can you let DH handle everything else and then you go in at 8:35 and turn off her light and give her a hug good night? My oldest is 11 and he will read all night long if I don’t go in for one last tuck in and goodnight and make sure he turns off the light.

Op here. I am, and usually do give a 5 minute warning then come around 8:35 to have her do lights out ... but he's in there and I shouldn't have to! And if I do, he doesn't make sure it happens. Half the time, he's the issue, just distracting her or letting her read/iPad longer until I come in there again. It's just so irritating that he won't enforce a reasonable bedtime. It's not like I'm trying to make her go to bed at 7pm

I’m sorry. My DH does this too. Beyond not being good for the kids, it kind of hurts my feelings. Most of the evening is spent on the kids already, and this is supposed to be our time together as a couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he agree with the bedtime? Who decided that was her bedtime?

OP here. I don't know if he agrees. But for her age, 10 hours appears to be appropriate. If she was showing me she could be pleasant in the morning, I'd be more inclined to push it a little later. She's always been a high sleep needs kid though.

What you've got is a communication problem.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a good use of the "no helping" rule. If one parent is doing something, let them do it. "Helping" = nagging = resentment.

[Anonymous]

Does he log back into work after he puts her to bed? Maybe he is procrastinating work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She shouldn't have an ipad in her room.

Both of you seem really checked out. Why isn't either one of you involved with her? I don't think I'm infantilizing my kids, but I'm still reading to them at night. 8 is when they can understand better books! After that, I stand there while they brush their teeth and then I tuck them in. Are you all just expecting her to put herself to bed and barking "lights out" at her?

OP here. I'm absolutely not checked out. I'm just trying to get her dad to do his fair share. I generally handle all of the morning stuff (see post above - he just takes her to the bus but I do everything else). I take her to all of her activities and do bedtime on non-activity nights. I only ask that he handles it on nights where I've been shuttling her around and generally haven't been home since 6:45am. I don't think it's a big ask. The nights he has to do bedtime after activities, the focus is to get to bed. She can have 10-15 minutes to read (or when he's in charge, iPad). When I do bedtime, we spend more time together. I don't read to her though, she can read herself and prefers that.

I’m going to be honest with you, the reason parenting gets out of balance is because one parent cares more. You care about your daughter getting enough sleep and you would care even if he handled mornings. If you have clearly explained it to him and/or he’s seen her struggling as a he doesn’t care enough to keep an eye on the clock or enforce taking the iPad away. You can not make him care. You just can’t. You have to come to terms with being married to someone who cares less about your kids wellbeing than you do. I have no patience for the posters on here that say drop the rope and he will pout up. He won’t- he’s showing you he won’t. So decide if you are willing to do bedtime every night or if it’s worth it to you to have that time off to let your daughter be tired. Or you manage it like you would if your husband wasn’t there. Responsibility is your daughter’s and you help her by setting the iPad to turn off at 8:30 or having a timer on the lights. No you should not have to do any of that but that’s how it is.

Maybe if you accept that you can get him to do something else that is less important to give you a break. Is he willing to drive her to her activities? And do you care if she is late? I do anything I really care about myself. Shitty way to live but that’s how it is.

[Anonymous]

Agree with putting the ipad time limit to shut off at 8 or 8:30, and have that a standard rule.

For times when DD is up too late (and DH didn't enforce bedtime), and DD is being surly with waking up ... pass the buck to DH. Tell him it's his responsibility to wake up her and get her to school. He doesn't care because it's not affecting him in any way. My DH is the same way, and this is the only way to get through to him. He hates doing mornings so he'll do what it takes at night to avoid getting woken up.

[Anonymous]

This is pure laziness, OP. I would get rid of the iPad.