DH doesn't help enforce bedtime
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Anonymous
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DD8 has a bedtime of 8:30 on nights she has activities, earlier on nights we are home - usually 8. On the nights she has activities, DH is supposed to handle bedtime. With her being 8, there's not much to handle, just making sure she picks out clothes for the next day and has lights off by 8:30. He absolutely will not enforce any of this, particularly the 8:30 lights off. He usually just goes to another part of the house and doesn't enforce. If he does go into her room, he will either just say "lights off" and walk out and do nothing to make sure it happens... Or he will go in and talk with her or see what she's doing on her iPad or what she's reading and just shoot the sh*t and then it's 9pm or later. Then I have to go in there and say something and everyone thinks I'm the bad guy. She has to get up at 6:30, so I think 8:30 is the latest she needs to be in bed. She's already not a morning person (and I handle mornings), so she's a huge pain to deal with if she doesn't get enough sleep.
How can I get through to my husband that I'm not being rigid, she truly needs that much sleep? |
Anonymous
| You are complaining about her getting quality time with her Dad? Only thing I see wrong about this is that the ipad needs to be out of any kids room at bedtime. |
Anonymous
OP here. She has other opportunities to get quality time with her dad. I don't think it's out of line for her to go to bed at an appropriate time. I agree about the iPad, but he also won't enforce that. |
Anonymous
-1 |
Anonymous
| What does he say when you clearly and directly tell him that she is having trouble in the mornings because of the late bedtimes and ask for support? Where is he in the mornings? |
Anonymous
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She shouldn't have an ipad in her room.
Both of you seem really checked out. Why isn't either one of you involved with her? I don't think I'm infantilizing my kids, but I'm still reading to them at night. 8 is when they can understand better books! After that, I stand there while they brush their teeth and then I tuck them in. Are you all just expecting her to put herself to bed and barking "lights out" at her? 
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Anonymous
OP here. Just acts like I'm blowing it out of proportion. He's still sleeping. I supervise her to make sure she gets dressed, brushes teeth, gets her backpack together, eats breakfast, I help her with her hair, etc. Then I leave when he's getting up and he takes her to the bus. |
Anonymous
Different kids have different needs. I was still reading to my son at 8 but that stopped sometime around 9. He was not interested in being read to any more and wanted to read solo. Maybe the child doesn’t want to be read to any more. DS has a bedtime that we enforce but I get that he needs some downtime when he gets home from an activity right about his bed time. It is not as easy as saying “Go to bed” right when he gets home. He needs some time to settle down after ana ctivity. We don’t let him use his iPad but read a bit or talk to one of us, sure. |
Anonymous
OP here. I'm absolutely not checked out. I'm just trying to get her dad to do his fair share. I generally handle all of the morning stuff (see post above - he just takes her to the bus but I do everything else). I take her to all of her activities and do bedtime on non-activity nights. I only ask that he handles it on nights where I've been shuttling her around and generally haven't been home since 6:45am. I don't think it's a big ask. The nights he has to do bedtime after activities, the focus is to get to bed. She can have 10-15 minutes to read (or when he's in charge, iPad). When I do bedtime, we spend more time together. I don't read to her though, she can read herself and prefers that. |
Anonymous
+1 You need to move this from a discussion about individual times ("why did you let her stay up so late last night? Argh.") to a bigger picture conversation. "Can we talk about Larla's sleep? It seems to me like an 8:30 bedtime is reasonable since she's up at 6:30 and she's not great with mornings. But it seems like maybe you don't agree? How do you think we should be handling bedtime?" and see what he says. I'm not seeing anything in your question that indicates an understanding of why he's doing what he's doing, so clearly you guys need to talk. |
Anonymous
OP here, agreed. I understand that she doesn't want to come straight home and go to bed, hence the later time on activity nights. She needs wind down time. I'm good with that. I just need him to enforce the (later) bedtime. |
Anonymous
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My husband is like this too. Up to shooting the shit until 9pm or later. I also don’t think I am particularly rigid. I don’t know what to do about it except to do bedtime every night.
It does make me a lot less interested in sex at night. |
Anonymous
| Does he agree with the bedtime? Who decided that was her bedtime? |
Anonymous
| I would personally make sure the iPad is on the charger before bedtime. If that's important to you, don't delegate. But the other stuff, you need to have a conversation about what you think her bedtime should be. |
Anonymous
| Give the kid a book and a bedside lamp and let her fall asleep when she’s tired. Get rid of the iPad. |