Feeling like I’m being punished for being the more successful kid

[Anonymous]

I would be embarrassed to be the one still leaning on handouts from my parents (yes I have a sibling that is similar). I'm not whiny about it at all. That's what successful adults do.

[Anonymous]

It annoys me, but I'm more annoyed at my siblings' underlying behavior than I am at my parents' response. I really don't need the money. If money would magically alleviate my parents' worry and heartache over their children, I would happily pay for it myself. But it doesn't work that way.

In my heart I know I would never trade places with my siblings. Their lives are a mess, they were just somehow born with bad judgment and poor impulse control, and no amount of parental giving can make that into a good adult life. And I see the strings attached. It's a bad deal.

[Anonymous]

The only thing is, are your siblings single or have fewer children? My SIL gets a lot paid for (including grad school), but my in laws buy things for my DH, me, and our children, whereas SIL is single so they pay more for us when there’s like a family trip.

[Anonymous]

Life isn't fair. God gifted you with more drive and ambition than your siblings. Seems like your mom is trying to compensate for their shortcomings. My mom did this too. I'm the middle and have never gotten a dime from them. My siblings on the other hand had so much help with everything, even new cars. It's not fair, but I'd rather have natural gifts than mom gifts. The ideal, of course would be both, but my mom is incapable of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would personally just opt out of the family trip and spend the money to go with my spouse to a destination of our choosing rather than paying to go on a $ trip that someone else picked and where my siblings were being subsidized but I was expected to pay my own way.

+1 and who is paying for the food, stay etc. If this trip is going to breed resentment better to bow out and keep the peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) If you have such a good relationship with your parents, you can mention feeling slighted due to the fact that they paid for everyone's travel but yours.

2) Your bitterness over work is your own issue, not your siblings. You need to work through it, maybe with a therapist. Perhaps change careers.

Yeah, this, especially #2.
Why is it anyone else’s problem that you hate your job? I can see that your self image as “the responsible one” is a big part of your ego. But we are small in the universe, and you doing something you hate because of some idea of “responsibility” is less important than you think. But while we are here in earth, then maybe you should accept that the currency of self-satisfaction is as valuable as whatever cash is being handed out to others.

[Anonymous]

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1161858.page

This is why I want to treat both kids fairly. They both get the same amount, regardless of the circumstances. It is up to them to help each other.

[Anonymous]

My sibling is very dramatic and demands all of my mom’s attention. They are emotionally volatile and get extremely angry. On the other hand, I *hate* worrying my mother, so I literally tell her nothing that might burden her. Is it fair that my parents’ limited attention and resources go to one child, so that none is left for the other two? No. Do I wish I were my sibling? No. Be thankful that you are responsible and aren’t a burden to your parents.

[Anonymous]

Same OP, same. Now that I make tons more than my parents and sibling I don't care what happened in the past. Moving on with my life.

[Anonymous]

I honestly dont get why youre scorekeeping with them. What do you want them to do, exclude your siblings from family trips? My God, some of you are so vindictive, jealous, and just mentally sick.

[Anonymous]

Are they saving money for their own future? They’re not giving so much to siblings that they’re going to run out of funds for themselves, right?

[Anonymous]

Your parents see the money more as assistance and less as a reward or payment. Like your siblings still need their butts wiped and you don’t, so why on earth would you want them to wipe your butt? You would be insulted! That’s probably where they’re at.

If it’s just a few thousand a year, don’t sweat it. I rack that up in meals etc my parents pay for because they like to pick up the check and I’m the close one doing the elder care. I don’t think my siblings see that as an uneven inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work a soulless corpo job that pays a lot of money and am very frugal and a diligent saver. I have siblings who are very irresponsible with money and also deliberately chose low paying professions that they found more “fun” (they quit their prev careers because they didn’t find it enjoyable enough and they now make minimum wage). My parents have always given me zero financial help, which I don’t necessarily need, while my siblings are showered with thousands of dollars a year in support. I graduated with student loans and had no help with my house down payment. I don’t really like working but I do it because it’s the responsible “adult” thing to do but I can’t help notice my siblings who are working in fun careers always getting bailed out by my parents whenever a $1000 emergency pops up that they can’t cover. The latest thing that happened is we are having a destination family reunion for Christmas and I will need to foot the travel bill myself, thousands of dollars for my wife and I, while my siblings will be covered by my parents. We are all around the same age. I visit my parents regularly and have a good relationship with them, it’s not like I’m absent from their lives or estranged. We’ve always been on good terms. I know this sounds extremely entitled so that’s why I’m venting here and not to my parents. I will never ever bring this up to them because it won’t do any good. Anyone been in a similar situation?

I don’t think I’ve read a more immature post here than this. You sound like a 14 year old. You made your choices about what job to take and how to save your money. No one made you do that. Own those decisions because they’re yours. And now you sit here judging the rest of your family for daring to go into “fun careers” and you want some sympathy? Or a ticker tape parade because you chose a boring job?

Go get some therapy with all that money you saved up. Your bitterness and judgment are really pathetic. And mind your own business about how others spend their money. Your parents earned their money and can spend it however they like. It’s none of your damn business if they give it to your siblings or to an animal shelter or buy lottery tickets everyday.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t go on the trip.

Or I’d play dumb and act like I thought the parents were paying for me too. “I heard you’re paying for Jim’s airfare. Should I put our tickets on your CC or should I let you know the flights to purchase?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work a soulless corpo job that pays a lot of money and am very frugal and a diligent saver. I have siblings who are very irresponsible with money and also deliberately chose low paying professions that they found more “fun” (they quit their prev careers because they didn’t find it enjoyable enough and they now make minimum wage). My parents have always given me zero financial help, which I don’t necessarily need, while my siblings are showered with thousands of dollars a year in support. I graduated with student loans and had no help with my house down payment. I don’t really like working but I do it because it’s the responsible “adult” thing to do but I can’t help notice my siblings who are working in fun careers always getting bailed out by my parents whenever a $1000 emergency pops up that they can’t cover. The latest thing that happened is we are having a destination family reunion for Christmas and I will need to foot the travel bill myself, thousands of dollars for my wife and I, while my siblings will be covered by my parents. We are all around the same age. I visit my parents regularly and have a good relationship with them, it’s not like I’m absent from their lives or estranged. We’ve always been on good terms. I know this sounds extremely entitled so that’s why I’m venting here and not to my parents. I will never ever bring this up to them because it won’t do any good. Anyone been in a similar situation?

I don’t think I’ve read a more immature post here than this. You sound like a 14 year old. You made your choices about what job to take and how to save your money. No one made you do that. Own those decisions because they’re yours. And now you sit here judging the rest of your family for daring to go into “fun careers” and you want some sympathy? Or a ticker tape parade because you chose a boring job?

Go get some therapy with all that money you saved up. Your bitterness and judgment are really pathetic. And mind your own business about how others spend their money. Your parents earned their money and can spend it however they like. It’s none of your damn business if they give it to your siblings or to an animal shelter or buy lottery tickets everyday.

I mean c’mon. You wouldn’t be annoyed if you weren’t being subsidized by your parents but your siblings were? It’s not like they have disabilities. They simply haven’t had a soul sucking corporate job to pay the bills.