Feeling like I’m being punished for being the more successful kid

[Anonymous]

this happens with babysitting. my husband's sibling live in Europe and they would have my in-laws fly to Europe multiple times a year to babysit but refused to hire a sitter---in a place where it's so much more affordable and there's so much more support for new parents. and the wife wasn't even working outside of the home.

when we needed help for babysitting on occasion, husband's parents would show up 45 minutes late and would complain because she could never see her friends. well, that's because she was constantly flying to france!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Silly. I’d much rather be financially successful than qualify for handouts.

Absolutely but like every else, it would be nice for others to be supportive , especially parents. Or at least acknowledge that we worked our tail off and aren’t given some gift of financial stability when siblings made poor decisions but there’s always a million and one excuses for them.

[Anonymous]

They have career that pay minimum wage? You make great money, but are bothered by the thousands your siblings get. Thousands is not a lot of money.
Why didn't you concentrate on growing your money into a lot of money so you wouldn't be upset over couple of thousand dollars here an there. You should be lucky you don't have to support your sibling.
I invested into very high 6 figures on minimum wage. I didn't and I don't have time to calculate someone else's money. You clearly make a lot more than I have ever made.
You are missing out on using your money wisely because you are too buys counting your parents' money and what they do with it.
I'm not eve saying it's fair, but your are doing more disservice to yourself than your family.
Also, invest, don't just save.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have career that pay minimum wage? You make great money, but are bothered by the thousands your siblings get. Thousands is not a lot of money.
Why didn't you concentrate on growing your money into a lot of money so you wouldn't be upset over couple of thousand dollars here an there. You should be lucky you don't have to support your sibling.
I invested into very high 6 figures on minimum wage. I didn't and I don't have time to calculate someone else's money. You clearly make a lot more than I have ever made.
You are missing out on using your money wisely because you are too buys counting your parents' money and what they do with it.
I'm not eve saying it's fair, but your are doing more disservice to yourself than your family.
Also, invest, don't just save.

If op has a anything like me, what they want is siblings to show some agency and accountability. My siblings are like op siblings. They just take take take w/o any gratitude and continue to complain about my parents. If you are on the receiving end at least be grateful At one point my son had to move in with my mom and all she did was complain about my moms house, how there was no cable, how my mom isn’t making things easier for her…blah blah blah. Umm you are not having to pay rent and are able to save. Stfu

[Anonymous]

OP, I don’t have any advice but just wanted to say you don’t sound entitled and that would bother me too. It’s not quite as egregious in my family but it’s still lopsided with me and my sister too. Hers is more emotional and logistical support because she just fakes “helplessness” and always has and my mom takes pity on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have career that pay minimum wage? You make great money, but are bothered by the thousands your siblings get. Thousands is not a lot of money.
Why didn't you concentrate on growing your money into a lot of money so you wouldn't be upset over couple of thousand dollars here an there. You should be lucky you don't have to support your sibling.
I invested into very high 6 figures on minimum wage. I didn't and I don't have time to calculate someone else's money. You clearly make a lot more than I have ever made.
You are missing out on using your money wisely because you are too buys counting your parents' money and what they do with it.
I'm not eve saying it's fair, but your are doing more disservice to yourself than your family.
Also, invest, don't just save.

If op has a anything like me, what they want is siblings to show some agency and accountability. My siblings are like op siblings. They just take take take w/o any gratitude and continue to complain about my parents. If you are on the receiving end at least be grateful At one point my son had to move in with my mom and all she did was complain about my moms house, how there was no cable, how my mom isn’t making things easier for her…blah blah blah. Umm you are not having to pay rent and are able to save. Stfu

**my sister and her son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don’t tell anyone how much you make or how much you have, even your parents. Always try to downplay your success. My parents think I make 1/4 what I actually do and one time they even asked if I was struggling with bills when I have 7 figures saved.

It's hard to hide how much your house is worth with Zillow. My subsidized siblings can't even afford to rent so I am wealthy in comparison.

[Anonymous]

My two siblings have been dependent on my parents their whole adult lives, now in their late 50s/early 60s. One has a mental illness and went bankrupt after trying to live on her own with a low-paying job. The other is healthy and has had every opportunity but never left. He mooched off my parents until the day they died and is now driving their cars, living in their house and spending their money that my frail elderly mother left him in entirety. He only allows my mentally ill sister to live there because he knows his rep would be trashed in our hometown if he threw her out.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, it sucks. Sounds like you are already dealing with it in a positive way. My sibling and I have very similar financial/life situations, but the sibling always got a lot more. My mom says it's because sibling and her family needs it more. It really makes me feel badly - I could use the help too. But I manage. And I'm slowly realizing that it's up to me to not feel badly about it.

[Anonymous]

this happens in my husband's family.
His mom (dad died years ago) realizes it but still helps out the two kids (out of 7) who just can't seem to keep it together.
They've also helped out a couple grandkids with college, and those kids never finished.
We put ours through ourselves, or with scholarships. they worked their butts off and finished and have great jobs.
Because it's my husbands family, I won't say anythingl. But if they ask, or if someone even goes there slightly, I will.
We sacrificed a lot to be successful. It's really not fair and we're determined not to do this with our own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My two siblings have been dependent on my parents their whole adult lives, now in their late 50s/early 60s. One has a mental illness and went bankrupt after trying to live on her own with a low-paying job. The other is healthy and has had every opportunity but never left. He mooched off my parents until the day they died and is now driving their cars, living in their house and spending their money that my frail elderly mother left him in entirety. He only allows my mentally ill sister to live there because he knows his rep would be trashed in our hometown if he threw her out.

That's horrible and sad all in one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would personally just opt out of the family trip and spend the money to go with my spouse to a destination of our choosing rather than paying to go on a $ trip that someone else picked and where my siblings were being subsidized but I was expected to pay my own way.

This sounds rather petty. Why create drama, when OP can just attend and keep family relations in a good place?

If I were OP, I would just assume positive intent on the part of his parents. When you are a parent of adult children, you just want them all to succeed and have a standard of living that is at least the same (or better) than what they had in childhood. It's not easy making all kids feel like they are treated equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would personally just opt out of the family trip and spend the money to go with my spouse to a destination of our choosing rather than paying to go on a $ trip that someone else picked and where my siblings were being subsidized but I was expected to pay my own way.

This sounds rather petty. Why create drama, when OP can just attend and keep family relations in a good place?

If I were OP, I would just assume positive intent on the part of his parents. When you are a parent of adult children, you just want them all to succeed and have a standard of living that is at least the same (or better) than what they had in childhood. It's not easy making all kids feel like they are treated equally.

Would you atleast acknowledge to your adult child and say something like dear child I'm sorry are only going to be paying for your siblings as they don't have money and we can't afford to cover all of you and we love you very much

[Anonymous]

Read - parable of the prodigal son or The parable of the lost sheep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you rather be you or your siblings?

This.