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Disliked By Most of the Mothers at DC's School
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Anonymous
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I never fit in with most of the moms at my daughter's all-girls school. I made only 2 friends during her 6 years there. I would say not to take it personally and find friend's elsewhere. It should be about how your child likes/fares at the school. It's not about you.
I would go to games/regattas, etc. and the moms would essentially go off in their little groups. It felt bad, but I moved on. My daughter is in college now...and we actually have made many more friends with parents at her elite Ivy. Whoever said Ivies were snobby were wrong. Recently, a dad I had known from my daughter's private school came to thank me for some help I had given his daughter a few years back. It made me feel good that someone noticed I was trying to be helpful. |
Anonymous
| 10:48 poster-- I don't think OP wants you to know her school (as she probably would have included the name in her query). If you don't mind, would you please let us know what school your child attends? Also, when you say I am far from being popular or liked, have you had disagreements with other moms, or are you ostracized in the same way as OP? |
Anonymous
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OP, my DC is also a rising first grader. When school got under way, I also fretted that moms' cliques had formed and I was already out. My DH told me not to worry, talked me off the ledge, etc. How I handled it was being positive, even effusive, with everyone I met. I also made it a point to share compliments with parents. "When I saw your DC last week, I was so impressed when s/he did X." These were genuine, not random. I always enjoy when folks share such insights about my DCs, so I made a point of doing it myself. Also hosted playdates.
And I watched a bit. I learned that many of the parents already knew each other because of older children at the school, some were spouses of faculty, etc. As the year progressed, I started forging friendships with a few of the moms, etc. Once I started looking at the individual members of the group, rather than as an indistinguishable mass, it was much easier. I found that while some moms preferred for their kids to socialize with certain children, others embraced their child's desires. Finally, if you are at a school where your DC will be for more than a few years, try to chill and take the long view. You may be with some of these folks for five, ten, thirteen years. Don't act precipitously now. There is a long ways to go. |
Anonymous
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I'm kind of shy but got drafted as a room parent early on and it was really good for me in the sense that I felt an obligation to get to know everyone who had a kid in the class and to be accessible to everyone.
So, basically, if you aren't a naturally outgoing person, putting yourself in a role where you're the go-to person may be one way to bridge the gap. Also, look out for the people who don't seem integrated, especially new families, remember how you felt, and reach out. |
Anonymous
| I think many of you may be missing the point (albeit not intentionally). It appears that the OP feels left out because of some "childish" behavior on the part of the cliquish mothers. I have been subjected to this myself (my DD is going to the 3rd grade) and it is exteremly hurtful. I have been to countless functions where moms huddle in the corner and whisper to each other like little spoiled brats. It churns my stomach everytime I think of it. Perhaps the moms who are less sypathetic are part of the cliques themselves and could care less about how it may make others feel. |
Anonymous
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'Perhaps the moms who are less sypathetic are part of the cliques themselves and could care less about how it may make others feel. "
Ja. |
Anonymous
| I think 17:31 wrote one of the nicest DCUM posts and the information is helpful as well. She also didn't insult anyone in the process. Bravo. |
Anonymous
| Wow, OP, I think you need to figure out if this is just being left out b/c other moms have preexisting friendships or if you'd managed to inadvertently send your child to a school populated by the children of unpleasant people with creepy values. If the first, suck it up, volunteer, etc. If the second, though, I would consider whether you want to stick with this school. If the parents are awful and snobbish, their kids stand a high chance of ending up awful and snobbish too, sadly, and that will ultimately affect your child's experiences. |
Anonymous
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10:48 poster-- I don't think OP wants you to know her school (as she probably would have included the name in her query). If you don't mind, would you please let us know what school your child attends? Also, when you say I am far from being popular or liked, have you had disagreements with other moms, or are you ostracized in the same way as OP?
Hi. I daughter goes to Maret. I guess I made it sound horrible but it really isn't that bad. I'm not popular because I don't have time to volunteer in the classroom or anything at the school. I feel like I'm not liked because nobody has ever gone out of their way to speak when I have gone to an event. I have tried to talk to other women but I really don't have much in common with them so the conversation usually ends in a few minutes. As long as my DC is not left out and happy that is all that matters to me. I just think it is really silly for the poster to be sweating over not being liked. As long as all are respectful to you and your child who cares about the small stuff. I didn't pick a school to make friends for myself. |
Anonymous
| OP: I would transfer ASAP. This is an ugly environment and I learned the hard way that if the moms give off these vibes your kids will get the same from their classmates, sorry, that's a fact. Friendly, welcoming parents who are non-judgmental result in welcoming non-judgmental kids in the classroom. What's your in-boundary DCPS? It's not worth the stress and money to feel not part of a community, and at this early grade better to move on now than later. Reading posts above about how many play date invites equals something something is truly ugly. |
Anonymous
I'm 17:31 - thanks! Hope OP gives it another try. There are cliques at my DC's school, but not every mom belongs to them. And the cliques are comprised of individuals, so even some of the individual moms in them are quite friendly. I am not very outgoing, but am really glad that I listened to my DH rather than caved to my worst and, to a great degree, unfounded instincts. Can't believe that school will be back in full swing in two months! Enjoy the rest of the summer everybody! |
Anonymous
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If your child is happy, that is what is important.
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Anonymous
Forget about those strange folks. You are at the school to get an education for your kid. Leave the other mothers, they have their own issues. Don't worry about your childs social life. Things will work out. Kids grow and leave the crowd that mommy knows |
Anonymous
| If people don't like you there's probably a reason. |
Anonymous
| Very childish PP. You're probably one of those snotty cliquish old bats . . . |