Raising a Jewish kid with one Jewish/one atheist parent

[Anonymous]

You can teach it like history and culture but at some point your kid is going to ask about the religious stuff. So be prepared to have an answer for that.

[Anonymous]

I’m not Jewish and went to Jewish summer camp. I had a lot of fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I join a reform synagogue and I think it's fine for your situation fwiw.

What you suggest is also ok. Are the grandparents around - ever want to go to synagogue with them if you don't want to join? Or you can also occasionally go to Chabad.

Judaism basically aligns with positive psychology:
https://reformjudaism.org/how-judaism-and-positive-psychology-make-excellent-bedfellows

The URJ camps take kids who don't belong to synagogue.

I wouldn't go to Chabad, since it's orthodox and OP is not religious. Try:
Israeli culture programs, Jewish summer camps, non-denominational Jewish Youth groups (like bnai brith), food, Jewish movies.

[Anonymous]

It seems like you want to force something that isn’t natural for you. Just live your lives and be authentic. Don’t force anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the non-Jew in this scenario and the mom! It’s not been hard at all. We do holidays, talk about being Jewish and family history, and are preparing for the bar mitzvah. We still do Christmas to the hilt but that seems to make no difference for my kid’s Jewish identity

Lol it sure is easy when nothing matters! I bet this PP loves to make a #HappyEastover Instagram post and is excited for the college fund contributions at the bar mitzvah.

so let me get this straight … you would have thought it better that my kid had no Jewish identity, vs having a non-Jewish parent who puts a lot of effort into it but also does (secular) Christmas?

I was responding to the tone of your post. OP is struggling with passing on their cultural heritage to their child in a mixed family. You are not of that heritage, but jump in with "oh it's easy! We just celebrated all the holidays and everyone is happy!"

OP is talking about something deeper than that, but since you aren't Jewish and I guess view your husband's and kid's Judaism as a fun excuse to have a party, you don't get that.

If you'd written a more thoughtful post about how you and your spouse have spoken with your child about their Jewishness, and specifically what kind of COMMUNITY you have provided around their Jewishness, people would not have responded as negatively. You sound unserious and so does your approach to religion and culture.

The person who was responding most negatively was apparently not even Jewish, and other posters people think my kid will never be Jewish anyway due to my gender. I think other people probably have more good faith to understand what I meant. And FWIW “fun excuse to have a party” is a big way that you create a religious identity. The word “party” is a little flip here (and one I never used BTW) - but communal events involving food are basically the backbone of religious celebrations that give children idenities.

When I started on my “journey” of raising a Jewish kid as an atheist ex-Catholic I didn’t really have any plan. My point to OP was that it ended up being not hard at all to create a Jewish child. I’m struggling to see how that offended anyone other than people looking to be offended for various reasons.

I get that the Christmas thing can be a trigger but my point in mentioning it is that my experience is that you don’t have to fear that allowing any non-Jewish elements into your household will mean your child doesn’t feel Jewish. I get that some people don’t want it at all, which is totally fine and understandable. in my case, the Jewish side of the family always celebrated Christmas and would have thought I was nuts (and probably a little supercilious) to prohibit it. I imagine that a lot of interfaith families have to negotiate the Christmas thing and my only point is that given everything else we do, celebrating Christmas has not confused my child about being Jewish at all, if that is a concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does it mean to you to be Jewish? I would start there.

This!
I'm the Christian version of you in the sense that I'm culturally Christian but religiously agnostic. No one really knows what g-d is if it/she/he exists, etc. I don't claim to either. However, I had a wonderful rich beautiful Christian upbringing and would like to provide the same richness and warmth to my kids. Much of that comes in the form of culture and traditions of Christianity. So like PP said, I attend church with my parents and siblings when we visit them. My kids attend a religious school. They are not baptized, but if they wanted to, I would support them. My atheist husband is along for the ride. He's a family man and also from a religious family, so he's a good sport. He attends church when is is social to do so, i.e., when everyone is going, he goes. We sing, say the prayers, celebrate. It's just the belief portion of religion I struggle with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the non-Jew in this scenario and the mom! It’s not been hard at all. We do holidays, talk about being Jewish and family history, and are preparing for the bar mitzvah. We still do Christmas to the hilt but that seems to make no difference for my kid’s Jewish identity

Lol it sure is easy when nothing matters! I bet this PP loves to make a #HappyEastover Instagram post and is excited for the college fund contributions at the bar mitzvah.

so let me get this straight … you would have thought it better that my kid had no Jewish identity, vs having a non-Jewish parent who puts a lot of effort into it but also does (secular) Christmas?

I was responding to the tone of your post. OP is struggling with passing on their cultural heritage to their child in a mixed family. You are not of that heritage, but jump in with "oh it's easy! We just celebrated all the holidays and everyone is happy!"

OP is talking about something deeper than that, but since you aren't Jewish and I guess view your husband's and kid's Judaism as a fun excuse to have a party, you don't get that.

If you'd written a more thoughtful post about how you and your spouse have spoken with your child about their Jewishness, and specifically what kind of COMMUNITY you have provided around their Jewishness, people would not have responded as negatively. You sound unserious and so does your approach to religion and culture.

The person who was responding most negatively was apparently not even Jewish, and other posters people think my kid will never be Jewish anyway due to my gender. I think other people probably have more good faith to understand what I meant. And FWIW “fun excuse to have a party” is a big way that you create a religious identity. The word “party” is a little flip here (and one I never used BTW) - but communal events involving food are basically the backbone of religious celebrations that give children idenities.

When I started on my “journey” of raising a Jewish kid as an atheist ex-Catholic I didn’t really have any plan. My point to OP was that it ended up being not hard at all to create a Jewish child. I’m struggling to see how that offended anyone other than people looking to be offended for various reasons.

I get that the Christmas thing can be a trigger but my point in mentioning it is that my experience is that you don’t have to fear that allowing any non-Jewish elements into your household will mean your child doesn’t feel Jewish. I get that some people don’t want it at all, which is totally fine and understandable. in my case, the Jewish side of the family always celebrated Christmas and would have thought I was nuts (and probably a little supercilious) to prohibit it. I imagine that a lot of interfaith families have to negotiate the Christmas thing and my only point is that given everything else we do, celebrating Christmas has not confused my child about being Jewish at all, if that is a concern.

Look, I am the PP you are currently responding to, I AM Jewish, and I never said anything about your kid not being Jewish because of matrilineage. I'm reform, I don't care about that.

I AS A JEW found your initial comment and all of your responses extremely flippant and obnoxious. Religion is not about parties, and while food and coming together is important, there are a number of Jewish traditions that are much more somber than that and it's not just Jewish cosplay with some latkes.

You married into a Jewish family that celebrated Christmas and always has. Let's start there. This is not a universal experience.

I think your experience is "easy" because neither you nor your spouse is particularly religious, your spouse and his family don't have any real concerns about embracing aspects of Christian culture (this is not typical even among reform families) and therefore you haven't had to do any work.

But let me ask you this. You waltzed into this thread about raising a Jewish child in a mixed family, asserted it's easy and that your Jewish family lives Christmas, but have also been extremely defensive and are calling everyone ELSE rude for not congratulating you on figuring out how to do it.

Maybe do some introspection here and consider that just because you married a Jewish guy, you might not have it all figured out and maybe have less to contribute to a conversation about passing on Jewish culture than others do. You just sound incredibly entitled and flip. Which, by the way, isn't very Jewish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the non-Jew in this scenario and the mom! It’s not been hard at all. We do holidays, talk about being Jewish and family history, and are preparing for the bar mitzvah. We still do Christmas to the hilt but that seems to make no difference for my kid’s Jewish identity

Lol it sure is easy when nothing matters! I bet this PP loves to make a #HappyEastover Instagram post and is excited for the college fund contributions at the bar mitzvah.

so let me get this straight … you would have thought it better that my kid had no Jewish identity, vs having a non-Jewish parent who puts a lot of effort into it but also does (secular) Christmas?

I was responding to the tone of your post. OP is struggling with passing on their cultural heritage to their child in a mixed family. You are not of that heritage, but jump in with "oh it's easy! We just celebrated all the holidays and everyone is happy!"

OP is talking about something deeper than that, but since you aren't Jewish and I guess view your husband's and kid's Judaism as a fun excuse to have a party, you don't get that.

If you'd written a more thoughtful post about how you and your spouse have spoken with your child about their Jewishness, and specifically what kind of COMMUNITY you have provided around their Jewishness, people would not have responded as negatively. You sound unserious and so does your approach to religion and culture.

The person who was responding most negatively was apparently not even Jewish, and other posters people think my kid will never be Jewish anyway due to my gender. I think other people probably have more good faith to understand what I meant. And FWIW “fun excuse to have a party” is a big way that you create a religious identity. The word “party” is a little flip here (and one I never used BTW) - but communal events involving food are basically the backbone of religious celebrations that give children idenities.

When I started on my “journey” of raising a Jewish kid as an atheist ex-Catholic I didn’t really have any plan. My point to OP was that it ended up being not hard at all to create a Jewish child. I’m struggling to see how that offended anyone other than people looking to be offended for various reasons.

I get that the Christmas thing can be a trigger but my point in mentioning it is that my experience is that you don’t have to fear that allowing any non-Jewish elements into your household will mean your child doesn’t feel Jewish. I get that some people don’t want it at all, which is totally fine and understandable. in my case, the Jewish side of the family always celebrated Christmas and would have thought I was nuts (and probably a little supercilious) to prohibit it. I imagine that a lot of interfaith families have to negotiate the Christmas thing and my only point is that given everything else we do, celebrating Christmas has not confused my child about being Jewish at all, if that is a concern.

Look, I am the PP you are currently responding to, I AM Jewish, and I never said anything about your kid not being Jewish because of matrilineage. I'm reform, I don't care about that.

I AS A JEW found your initial comment and all of your responses extremely flippant and obnoxious. Religion is not about parties, and while food and coming together is important, there are a number of Jewish traditions that are much more somber than that and it's not just Jewish cosplay with some latkes.

You married into a Jewish family that celebrated Christmas and always has. Let's start there. This is not a universal experience.

I think your experience is "easy" because neither you nor your spouse is particularly religious, your spouse and his family don't have any real concerns about embracing aspects of Christian culture (this is not typical even among reform families) and therefore you haven't had to do any work.

But let me ask you this. You waltzed into this thread about raising a Jewish child in a mixed family, asserted it's easy and that your Jewish family lives Christmas, but have also been extremely defensive and are calling everyone ELSE rude for not congratulating you on figuring out how to do it.

Maybe do some introspection here and consider that just because you married a Jewish guy, you might not have it all figured out and maybe have less to contribute to a conversation about passing on Jewish culture than others do. You just sound incredibly entitled and flip. Which, by the way, isn't very Jewish.

wow ok, thanks. you seem motivated by something other than the honest input of how a family with non-Jewish parent can significantly contribute to the Jewish upbringing of their child. the “Jewish cosplay” think was a bit much. I’m sorry you’re mad that I didn’t find it difficult. I suspect that what you actually believe is that my child is not Jewish because I am not and because we do Christmas. I am saddened by this but I guess OP should take it as one piece of information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the non-Jew in this scenario and the mom! It’s not been hard at all. We do holidays, talk about being Jewish and family history, and are preparing for the bar mitzvah. We still do Christmas to the hilt but that seems to make no difference for my kid’s Jewish identity

Lol it sure is easy when nothing matters! I bet this PP loves to make a #HappyEastover Instagram post and is excited for the college fund contributions at the bar mitzvah.

so let me get this straight … you would have thought it better that my kid had no Jewish identity, vs having a non-Jewish parent who puts a lot of effort into it but also does (secular) Christmas?

I was responding to the tone of your post. OP is struggling with passing on their cultural heritage to their child in a mixed family. You are not of that heritage, but jump in with "oh it's easy! We just celebrated all the holidays and everyone is happy!"

OP is talking about something deeper than that, but since you aren't Jewish and I guess view your husband's and kid's Judaism as a fun excuse to have a party, you don't get that.

If you'd written a more thoughtful post about how you and your spouse have spoken with your child about their Jewishness, and specifically what kind of COMMUNITY you have provided around their Jewishness, people would not have responded as negatively. You sound unserious and so does your approach to religion and culture.

The person who was responding most negatively was apparently not even Jewish, and other posters people think my kid will never be Jewish anyway due to my gender. I think other people probably have more good faith to understand what I meant. And FWIW “fun excuse to have a party” is a big way that you create a religious identity. The word “party” is a little flip here (and one I never used BTW) - but communal events involving food are basically the backbone of religious celebrations that give children idenities.

When I started on my “journey” of raising a Jewish kid as an atheist ex-Catholic I didn’t really have any plan. My point to OP was that it ended up being not hard at all to create a Jewish child. I’m struggling to see how that offended anyone other than people looking to be offended for various reasons.

I get that the Christmas thing can be a trigger but my point in mentioning it is that my experience is that you don’t have to fear that allowing any non-Jewish elements into your household will mean your child doesn’t feel Jewish. I get that some people don’t want it at all, which is totally fine and understandable. in my case, the Jewish side of the family always celebrated Christmas and would have thought I was nuts (and probably a little supercilious) to prohibit it. I imagine that a lot of interfaith families have to negotiate the Christmas thing and my only point is that given everything else we do, celebrating Christmas has not confused my child about being Jewish at all, if that is a concern.

Look, I am the PP you are currently responding to, I AM Jewish, and I never said anything about your kid not being Jewish because of matrilineage. I'm reform, I don't care about that.

I AS A JEW found your initial comment and all of your responses extremely flippant and obnoxious. Religion is not about parties, and while food and coming together is important, there are a number of Jewish traditions that are much more somber than that and it's not just Jewish cosplay with some latkes.

You married into a Jewish family that celebrated Christmas and always has. Let's start there. This is not a universal experience.

I think your experience is "easy" because neither you nor your spouse is particularly religious, your spouse and his family don't have any real concerns about embracing aspects of Christian culture (this is not typical even among reform families) and therefore you haven't had to do any work.

But let me ask you this. You waltzed into this thread about raising a Jewish child in a mixed family, asserted it's easy and that your Jewish family lives Christmas, but have also been extremely defensive and are calling everyone ELSE rude for not congratulating you on figuring out how to do it.

Maybe do some introspection here and consider that just because you married a Jewish guy, you might not have it all figured out and maybe have less to contribute to a conversation about passing on Jewish culture than others do. You just sound incredibly entitled and flip. Which, by the way, isn't very Jewish.

wow ok, thanks. you seem motivated by something other than the honest input of how a family with non-Jewish parent can significantly contribute to the Jewish upbringing of their child. the “Jewish cosplay” think was a bit much. I’m sorry you’re mad that I didn’t find it difficult. I suspect that what you actually believe is that my child is not Jewish because I am not and because we do Christmas. I am saddened by this but I guess OP should take it as one piece of information.

You REALLY need to quit while you’re ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the non-Jew in this scenario and the mom! It’s not been hard at all. We do holidays, talk about being Jewish and family history, and are preparing for the bar mitzvah. We still do Christmas to the hilt but that seems to make no difference for my kid’s Jewish identity

Lol it sure is easy when nothing matters! I bet this PP loves to make a #HappyEastover Instagram post and is excited for the college fund contributions at the bar mitzvah.

so let me get this straight … you would have thought it better that my kid had no Jewish identity, vs having a non-Jewish parent who puts a lot of effort into it but also does (secular) Christmas?

I was responding to the tone of your post. OP is struggling with passing on their cultural heritage to their child in a mixed family. You are not of that heritage, but jump in with "oh it's easy! We just celebrated all the holidays and everyone is happy!"

OP is talking about something deeper than that, but since you aren't Jewish and I guess view your husband's and kid's Judaism as a fun excuse to have a party, you don't get that.

If you'd written a more thoughtful post about how you and your spouse have spoken with your child about their Jewishness, and specifically what kind of COMMUNITY you have provided around their Jewishness, people would not have responded as negatively. You sound unserious and so does your approach to religion and culture.

The person who was responding most negatively was apparently not even Jewish, and other posters people think my kid will never be Jewish anyway due to my gender. I think other people probably have more good faith to understand what I meant. And FWIW “fun excuse to have a party” is a big way that you create a religious identity. The word “party” is a little flip here (and one I never used BTW) - but communal events involving food are basically the backbone of religious celebrations that give children idenities.

When I started on my “journey” of raising a Jewish kid as an atheist ex-Catholic I didn’t really have any plan. My point to OP was that it ended up being not hard at all to create a Jewish child. I’m struggling to see how that offended anyone other than people looking to be offended for various reasons.

I get that the Christmas thing can be a trigger but my point in mentioning it is that my experience is that you don’t have to fear that allowing any non-Jewish elements into your household will mean your child doesn’t feel Jewish. I get that some people don’t want it at all, which is totally fine and understandable. in my case, the Jewish side of the family always celebrated Christmas and would have thought I was nuts (and probably a little supercilious) to prohibit it. I imagine that a lot of interfaith families have to negotiate the Christmas thing and my only point is that given everything else we do, celebrating Christmas has not confused my child about being Jewish at all, if that is a concern.

Look, I am the PP you are currently responding to, I AM Jewish, and I never said anything about your kid not being Jewish because of matrilineage. I'm reform, I don't care about that.

I AS A JEW found your initial comment and all of your responses extremely flippant and obnoxious. Religion is not about parties, and while food and coming together is important, there are a number of Jewish traditions that are much more somber than that and it's not just Jewish cosplay with some latkes.

You married into a Jewish family that celebrated Christmas and always has. Let's start there. This is not a universal experience.

I think your experience is "easy" because neither you nor your spouse is particularly religious, your spouse and his family don't have any real concerns about embracing aspects of Christian culture (this is not typical even among reform families) and therefore you haven't had to do any work.

But let me ask you this. You waltzed into this thread about raising a Jewish child in a mixed family, asserted it's easy and that your Jewish family lives Christmas, but have also been extremely defensive and are calling everyone ELSE rude for not congratulating you on figuring out how to do it.

Maybe do some introspection here and consider that just because you married a Jewish guy, you might not have it all figured out and maybe have less to contribute to a conversation about passing on Jewish culture than others do. You just sound incredibly entitled and flip. Which, by the way, isn't very Jewish.

wow ok, thanks. you seem motivated by something other than the honest input of how a family with non-Jewish parent can significantly contribute to the Jewish upbringing of their child. the “Jewish cosplay” think was a bit much. I’m sorry you’re mad that I didn’t find it difficult. I suspect that what you actually believe is that my child is not Jewish because I am not and because we do Christmas. I am saddened by this but I guess OP should take it as one piece of information.

You REALLY need to quit while you’re ahead.

right, you’ve made clear you think my kid is not actually Jewish and anything the non-Jewish parent does is “cosplay.” Luckily this attitude isn’t one I encounter other than on the Internet.

[Anonymous]

We joined Beth Chai, a humanistic Jewish congregation in Bethesda. Very welcoming on both the Jewish and atheist side, and gave our children the Jewish cultural/historical background that I was seeking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the non-Jew in this scenario and the mom! It’s not been hard at all. We do holidays, talk about being Jewish and family history, and are preparing for the bar mitzvah. We still do Christmas to the hilt but that seems to make no difference for my kid’s Jewish identity

Lol it sure is easy when nothing matters! I bet this PP loves to make a #HappyEastover Instagram post and is excited for the college fund contributions at the bar mitzvah.

so let me get this straight … you would have thought it better that my kid had no Jewish identity, vs having a non-Jewish parent who puts a lot of effort into it but also does (secular) Christmas?

I was responding to the tone of your post. OP is struggling with passing on their cultural heritage to their child in a mixed family. You are not of that heritage, but jump in with "oh it's easy! We just celebrated all the holidays and everyone is happy!"

OP is talking about something deeper than that, but since you aren't Jewish and I guess view your husband's and kid's Judaism as a fun excuse to have a party, you don't get that.

If you'd written a more thoughtful post about how you and your spouse have spoken with your child about their Jewishness, and specifically what kind of COMMUNITY you have provided around their Jewishness, people would not have responded as negatively. You sound unserious and so does your approach to religion and culture.

The person who was responding most negatively was apparently not even Jewish, and other posters people think my kid will never be Jewish anyway due to my gender. I think other people probably have more good faith to understand what I meant. And FWIW “fun excuse to have a party” is a big way that you create a religious identity. The word “party” is a little flip here (and one I never used BTW) - but communal events involving food are basically the backbone of religious celebrations that give children idenities.

When I started on my “journey” of raising a Jewish kid as an atheist ex-Catholic I didn’t really have any plan. My point to OP was that it ended up being not hard at all to create a Jewish child. I’m struggling to see how that offended anyone other than people looking to be offended for various reasons.

I get that the Christmas thing can be a trigger but my point in mentioning it is that my experience is that you don’t have to fear that allowing any non-Jewish elements into your household will mean your child doesn’t feel Jewish. I get that some people don’t want it at all, which is totally fine and understandable. in my case, the Jewish side of the family always celebrated Christmas and would have thought I was nuts (and probably a little supercilious) to prohibit it. I imagine that a lot of interfaith families have to negotiate the Christmas thing and my only point is that given everything else we do, celebrating Christmas has not confused my child about being Jewish at all, if that is a concern.

Look, I am the PP you are currently responding to, I AM Jewish, and I never said anything about your kid not being Jewish because of matrilineage. I'm reform, I don't care about that.

I AS A JEW found your initial comment and all of your responses extremely flippant and obnoxious. Religion is not about parties, and while food and coming together is important, there are a number of Jewish traditions that are much more somber than that and it's not just Jewish cosplay with some latkes.

You married into a Jewish family that celebrated Christmas and always has. Let's start there. This is not a universal experience.

I think your experience is "easy" because neither you nor your spouse is particularly religious, your spouse and his family don't have any real concerns about embracing aspects of Christian culture (this is not typical even among reform families) and therefore you haven't had to do any work.

But let me ask you this. You waltzed into this thread about raising a Jewish child in a mixed family, asserted it's easy and that your Jewish family lives Christmas, but have also been extremely defensive and are calling everyone ELSE rude for not congratulating you on figuring out how to do it.

Maybe do some introspection here and consider that just because you married a Jewish guy, you might not have it all figured out and maybe have less to contribute to a conversation about passing on Jewish culture than others do. You just sound incredibly entitled and flip. Which, by the way, isn't very Jewish.

wow ok, thanks. you seem motivated by something other than the honest input of how a family with non-Jewish parent can significantly contribute to the Jewish upbringing of their child. the “Jewish cosplay” think was a bit much. I’m sorry you’re mad that I didn’t find it difficult. I suspect that what you actually believe is that my child is not Jewish because I am not and because we do Christmas. I am saddened by this but I guess OP should take it as one piece of information.

Your an "atheist" who does Christmas to the hilt. You married a Jewish man who loves Christmas. You believe celebrating a few of the fun Jewish holidays (I'm guessing you don't do Yom Kippur "to the hilt") and telling your kid "you're Jewish! Your grandparents were also Jewish!) is good enough.

Cosplay is apt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the non-Jew in this scenario and the mom! It’s not been hard at all. We do holidays, talk about being Jewish and family history, and are preparing for the bar mitzvah. We still do Christmas to the hilt but that seems to make no difference for my kid’s Jewish identity

Lol it sure is easy when nothing matters! I bet this PP loves to make a #HappyEastover Instagram post and is excited for the college fund contributions at the bar mitzvah.

so let me get this straight … you would have thought it better that my kid had no Jewish identity, vs having a non-Jewish parent who puts a lot of effort into it but also does (secular) Christmas?

I was responding to the tone of your post. OP is struggling with passing on their cultural heritage to their child in a mixed family. You are not of that heritage, but jump in with "oh it's easy! We just celebrated all the holidays and everyone is happy!"

OP is talking about something deeper than that, but since you aren't Jewish and I guess view your husband's and kid's Judaism as a fun excuse to have a party, you don't get that.

If you'd written a more thoughtful post about how you and your spouse have spoken with your child about their Jewishness, and specifically what kind of COMMUNITY you have provided around their Jewishness, people would not have responded as negatively. You sound unserious and so does your approach to religion and culture.

The person who was responding most negatively was apparently not even Jewish, and other posters people think my kid will never be Jewish anyway due to my gender. I think other people probably have more good faith to understand what I meant. And FWIW “fun excuse to have a party” is a big way that you create a religious identity. The word “party” is a little flip here (and one I never used BTW) - but communal events involving food are basically the backbone of religious celebrations that give children idenities.

When I started on my “journey” of raising a Jewish kid as an atheist ex-Catholic I didn’t really have any plan. My point to OP was that it ended up being not hard at all to create a Jewish child. I’m struggling to see how that offended anyone other than people looking to be offended for various reasons.

I get that the Christmas thing can be a trigger but my point in mentioning it is that my experience is that you don’t have to fear that allowing any non-Jewish elements into your household will mean your child doesn’t feel Jewish. I get that some people don’t want it at all, which is totally fine and understandable. in my case, the Jewish side of the family always celebrated Christmas and would have thought I was nuts (and probably a little supercilious) to prohibit it. I imagine that a lot of interfaith families have to negotiate the Christmas thing and my only point is that given everything else we do, celebrating Christmas has not confused my child about being Jewish at all, if that is a concern.

Look, I am the PP you are currently responding to, I AM Jewish, and I never said anything about your kid not being Jewish because of matrilineage. I'm reform, I don't care about that.

I AS A JEW found your initial comment and all of your responses extremely flippant and obnoxious. Religion is not about parties, and while food and coming together is important, there are a number of Jewish traditions that are much more somber than that and it's not just Jewish cosplay with some latkes.

You married into a Jewish family that celebrated Christmas and always has. Let's start there. This is not a universal experience.

I think your experience is "easy" because neither you nor your spouse is particularly religious, your spouse and his family don't have any real concerns about embracing aspects of Christian culture (this is not typical even among reform families) and therefore you haven't had to do any work.

But let me ask you this. You waltzed into this thread about raising a Jewish child in a mixed family, asserted it's easy and that your Jewish family lives Christmas, but have also been extremely defensive and are calling everyone ELSE rude for not congratulating you on figuring out how to do it.

Maybe do some introspection here and consider that just because you married a Jewish guy, you might not have it all figured out and maybe have less to contribute to a conversation about passing on Jewish culture than others do. You just sound incredibly entitled and flip. Which, by the way, isn't very Jewish.

wow ok, thanks. you seem motivated by something other than the honest input of how a family with non-Jewish parent can significantly contribute to the Jewish upbringing of their child. the “Jewish cosplay” think was a bit much. I’m sorry you’re mad that I didn’t find it difficult. I suspect that what you actually believe is that my child is not Jewish because I am not and because we do Christmas. I am saddened by this but I guess OP should take it as one piece of information.

You REALLY need to quit while you’re ahead.

right, you’ve made clear you think my kid is not actually Jewish and anything the non-Jewish parent does is “cosplay.” Luckily this attitude isn’t one I encounter other than on the Internet.

That's because the people you encounter who are grossed out by you just smile and nod and then roll their eyes at you behind your back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the non-Jew in this scenario and the mom! It’s not been hard at all. We do holidays, talk about being Jewish and family history, and are preparing for the bar mitzvah. We still do Christmas to the hilt but that seems to make no difference for my kid’s Jewish identity

Lol it sure is easy when nothing matters! I bet this PP loves to make a #HappyEastover Instagram post and is excited for the college fund contributions at the bar mitzvah.

so let me get this straight … you would have thought it better that my kid had no Jewish identity, vs having a non-Jewish parent who puts a lot of effort into it but also does (secular) Christmas?

I was responding to the tone of your post. OP is struggling with passing on their cultural heritage to their child in a mixed family. You are not of that heritage, but jump in with "oh it's easy! We just celebrated all the holidays and everyone is happy!"

OP is talking about something deeper than that, but since you aren't Jewish and I guess view your husband's and kid's Judaism as a fun excuse to have a party, you don't get that.

If you'd written a more thoughtful post about how you and your spouse have spoken with your child about their Jewishness, and specifically what kind of COMMUNITY you have provided around their Jewishness, people would not have responded as negatively. You sound unserious and so does your approach to religion and culture.

The person who was responding most negatively was apparently not even Jewish, and other posters people think my kid will never be Jewish anyway due to my gender. I think other people probably have more good faith to understand what I meant. And FWIW “fun excuse to have a party” is a big way that you create a religious identity. The word “party” is a little flip here (and one I never used BTW) - but communal events involving food are basically the backbone of religious celebrations that give children idenities.

When I started on my “journey” of raising a Jewish kid as an atheist ex-Catholic I didn’t really have any plan. My point to OP was that it ended up being not hard at all to create a Jewish child. I’m struggling to see how that offended anyone other than people looking to be offended for various reasons.

I get that the Christmas thing can be a trigger but my point in mentioning it is that my experience is that you don’t have to fear that allowing any non-Jewish elements into your household will mean your child doesn’t feel Jewish. I get that some people don’t want it at all, which is totally fine and understandable. in my case, the Jewish side of the family always celebrated Christmas and would have thought I was nuts (and probably a little supercilious) to prohibit it. I imagine that a lot of interfaith families have to negotiate the Christmas thing and my only point is that given everything else we do, celebrating Christmas has not confused my child about being Jewish at all, if that is a concern.

Look, I am the PP you are currently responding to, I AM Jewish, and I never said anything about your kid not being Jewish because of matrilineage. I'm reform, I don't care about that.

I AS A JEW found your initial comment and all of your responses extremely flippant and obnoxious. Religion is not about parties, and while food and coming together is important, there are a number of Jewish traditions that are much more somber than that and it's not just Jewish cosplay with some latkes.

You married into a Jewish family that celebrated Christmas and always has. Let's start there. This is not a universal experience.

I think your experience is "easy" because neither you nor your spouse is particularly religious, your spouse and his family don't have any real concerns about embracing aspects of Christian culture (this is not typical even among reform families) and therefore you haven't had to do any work.

But let me ask you this. You waltzed into this thread about raising a Jewish child in a mixed family, asserted it's easy and that your Jewish family lives Christmas, but have also been extremely defensive and are calling everyone ELSE rude for not congratulating you on figuring out how to do it.

Maybe do some introspection here and consider that just because you married a Jewish guy, you might not have it all figured out and maybe have less to contribute to a conversation about passing on Jewish culture than others do. You just sound incredibly entitled and flip. Which, by the way, isn't very Jewish.

wow ok, thanks. you seem motivated by something other than the honest input of how a family with non-Jewish parent can significantly contribute to the Jewish upbringing of their child. the “Jewish cosplay” think was a bit much. I’m sorry you’re mad that I didn’t find it difficult. I suspect that what you actually believe is that my child is not Jewish because I am not and because we do Christmas. I am saddened by this but I guess OP should take it as one piece of information.

Your an "atheist" who does Christmas to the hilt. You married a Jewish man who loves Christmas. You believe celebrating a few of the fun Jewish holidays (I'm guessing you don't do Yom Kippur "to the hilt") and telling your kid "you're Jewish! Your grandparents were also Jewish!) is good enough.

Cosplay is apt.

Again, I’m glad my actual family & community is more accepting than you are. Seriously what are you getting out of harassing me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the non-Jew in this scenario and the mom! It’s not been hard at all. We do holidays, talk about being Jewish and family history, and are preparing for the bar mitzvah. We still do Christmas to the hilt but that seems to make no difference for my kid’s Jewish identity

Lol it sure is easy when nothing matters! I bet this PP loves to make a #HappyEastover Instagram post and is excited for the college fund contributions at the bar mitzvah.

so let me get this straight … you would have thought it better that my kid had no Jewish identity, vs having a non-Jewish parent who puts a lot of effort into it but also does (secular) Christmas?

I was responding to the tone of your post. OP is struggling with passing on their cultural heritage to their child in a mixed family. You are not of that heritage, but jump in with "oh it's easy! We just celebrated all the holidays and everyone is happy!"

OP is talking about something deeper than that, but since you aren't Jewish and I guess view your husband's and kid's Judaism as a fun excuse to have a party, you don't get that.

If you'd written a more thoughtful post about how you and your spouse have spoken with your child about their Jewishness, and specifically what kind of COMMUNITY you have provided around their Jewishness, people would not have responded as negatively. You sound unserious and so does your approach to religion and culture.

The person who was responding most negatively was apparently not even Jewish, and other posters people think my kid will never be Jewish anyway due to my gender. I think other people probably have more good faith to understand what I meant. And FWIW “fun excuse to have a party” is a big way that you create a religious identity. The word “party” is a little flip here (and one I never used BTW) - but communal events involving food are basically the backbone of religious celebrations that give children idenities.

When I started on my “journey” of raising a Jewish kid as an atheist ex-Catholic I didn’t really have any plan. My point to OP was that it ended up being not hard at all to create a Jewish child. I’m struggling to see how that offended anyone other than people looking to be offended for various reasons.

I get that the Christmas thing can be a trigger but my point in mentioning it is that my experience is that you don’t have to fear that allowing any non-Jewish elements into your household will mean your child doesn’t feel Jewish. I get that some people don’t want it at all, which is totally fine and understandable. in my case, the Jewish side of the family always celebrated Christmas and would have thought I was nuts (and probably a little supercilious) to prohibit it. I imagine that a lot of interfaith families have to negotiate the Christmas thing and my only point is that given everything else we do, celebrating Christmas has not confused my child about being Jewish at all, if that is a concern.

Look, I am the PP you are currently responding to, I AM Jewish, and I never said anything about your kid not being Jewish because of matrilineage. I'm reform, I don't care about that.

I AS A JEW found your initial comment and all of your responses extremely flippant and obnoxious. Religion is not about parties, and while food and coming together is important, there are a number of Jewish traditions that are much more somber than that and it's not just Jewish cosplay with some latkes.

You married into a Jewish family that celebrated Christmas and always has. Let's start there. This is not a universal experience.

I think your experience is "easy" because neither you nor your spouse is particularly religious, your spouse and his family don't have any real concerns about embracing aspects of Christian culture (this is not typical even among reform families) and therefore you haven't had to do any work.

But let me ask you this. You waltzed into this thread about raising a Jewish child in a mixed family, asserted it's easy and that your Jewish family lives Christmas, but have also been extremely defensive and are calling everyone ELSE rude for not congratulating you on figuring out how to do it.

Maybe do some introspection here and consider that just because you married a Jewish guy, you might not have it all figured out and maybe have less to contribute to a conversation about passing on Jewish culture than others do. You just sound incredibly entitled and flip. Which, by the way, isn't very Jewish.

wow ok, thanks. you seem motivated by something other than the honest input of how a family with non-Jewish parent can significantly contribute to the Jewish upbringing of their child. the “Jewish cosplay” think was a bit much. I’m sorry you’re mad that I didn’t find it difficult. I suspect that what you actually believe is that my child is not Jewish because I am not and because we do Christmas. I am saddened by this but I guess OP should take it as one piece of information.

Your an "atheist" who does Christmas to the hilt. You married a Jewish man who loves Christmas. You believe celebrating a few of the fun Jewish holidays (I'm guessing you don't do Yom Kippur "to the hilt") and telling your kid "you're Jewish! Your grandparents were also Jewish!) is good enough.

Cosplay is apt.

Again, I’m glad my actual family & community is more accepting than you are. Seriously what are you getting out of harassing me?

It is more than one poster “harassing” you.

OP is a Jew seeking advice from other Jews on how to raise a good Jew in a mixed family while respecting the non-Jew. You are the non-Jew. You’re not the one anyone wants to hear from. Simply stunning that you can’t understand that.