If your spouse did this, would you be happy or no?

[Anonymous]

I would have liked to be consulted, but I think the thought was in the right place. Especially if you don’t have any other sitters!

[Anonymous]

Dinner lasted all weekend?

[Anonymous]

Has this actually happened to you, OP? Or are you just randomly starting a thread?

If it has just happened…

What is your relationship with ILs?
Does spouse have a habit of inviting them (or making similar decisions) without consulting you, or is this the first time? In other words, are you annoyed but not surprised by this?
What were your hopes & expectations for the weekend?

[Anonymous]

What? Like for your wedding anniversary? His parents there? I’d be livid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um HELL NO.

I would tell him I’m not going. I’m not entertaining my ILs for the weekend for a few measly hours at a restaurant. Non-starter. Nope. Nothing would kill the mood more. Gross.

You sound pleasant. Your poor husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has this actually happened to you, OP? Or are you just randomly starting a thread?

If it has just happened…

What is your relationship with ILs?
Does spouse have a habit of inviting them (or making similar decisions) without consulting you, or is this the first time? In other words, are you annoyed but not surprised by this?
What were your hopes & expectations for the weekend?

op yes it has happened. yes wedding anniversary.
ILs are fine and I try hard to be polite and kind to them. They come to stay quite often and tbh I dread it but keep that to myself - I think I fail to totally hide it. FIL is a lot.
I actually had low hopes and expectations but i think I would have found no ILs and no dinner out to be more relaxing and romantic than having to spend the weekend hosting ILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has this actually happened to you, OP? Or are you just randomly starting a thread?

If it has just happened…

What is your relationship with ILs?
Does spouse have a habit of inviting them (or making similar decisions) without consulting you, or is this the first time? In other words, are you annoyed but not surprised by this?
What were your hopes & expectations for the weekend?

op yes it has happened. yes wedding anniversary.
ILs are fine and I try hard to be polite and kind to them. They come to stay quite often and tbh I dread it but keep that to myself - I think I fail to totally hide it. FIL is a lot.
I actually had low hopes and expectations but i think I would have found no ILs and no dinner out to be more relaxing and romantic than having to spend the weekend hosting ILs.

Thanks for coming back to respond. Can you answer the second question, which I think is the most important:
Is this a typical move on your spouse’s part—making plans without consulting you (either involving ILs or not)? Has he done something like this before like invite them on a vacation without consulting you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has this actually happened to you, OP? Or are you just randomly starting a thread?

If it has just happened…

What is your relationship with ILs?
Does spouse have a habit of inviting them (or making similar decisions) without consulting you, or is this the first time? In other words, are you annoyed but not surprised by this?
What were your hopes & expectations for the weekend?

op yes it has happened. yes wedding anniversary.
ILs are fine and I try hard to be polite and kind to them. They come to stay quite often and tbh I dread it but keep that to myself - I think I fail to totally hide it. FIL is a lot.
I actually had low hopes and expectations but i think I would have found no ILs and no dinner out to be more relaxing and romantic than having to spend the weekend hosting ILs.

Thanks for coming back to respond. Can you answer the second question, which I think is the most important:
Is this a typical move on your spouse’s part—making plans without consulting you (either involving ILs or not)? Has he done something like this before like invite them on a vacation without consulting you?

yes he does sometimes do things esp as regarding ILs without consulting me. I think part of it is ILs sort of suggest things and then just do whatever they want. eg if he says 'come at 3', ILs come at 10am. but he doesn't actively intervene.

[Anonymous]

Have a great relationship with ILs but would have liked an FYI. I feel like it would have been a huge win if he got a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has this actually happened to you, OP? Or are you just randomly starting a thread?

If it has just happened…

What is your relationship with ILs?
Does spouse have a habit of inviting them (or making similar decisions) without consulting you, or is this the first time? In other words, are you annoyed but not surprised by this?
What were your hopes & expectations for the weekend?

op yes it has happened. yes wedding anniversary.
ILs are fine and I try hard to be polite and kind to them. They come to stay quite often and tbh I dread it but keep that to myself - I think I fail to totally hide it. FIL is a lot.
I actually had low hopes and expectations but i think I would have found no ILs and no dinner out to be more relaxing and romantic than having to spend the weekend hosting ILs.

Thanks for coming back to respond. Can you answer the second question, which I think is the most important:
Is this a typical move on your spouse’s part—making plans without consulting you (either involving ILs or not)? Has he done something like this before like invite them on a vacation without consulting you?

yes he does sometimes do things esp as regarding ILs without consulting me. I think part of it is ILs sort of suggest things and then just do whatever they want. eg if he says 'come at 3', ILs come at 10am. but he doesn't actively intervene.

Yeah, this is the heart of the issue, and I’d be annoyed because it’s part of a bigger pattern of dismissing you. In this particular situation, it’s even dicier because if you raise any objections, you come off as ungrateful when he’s “trying” to do something nice.

Lay low during the weekend. Don’t lift a finger. Leave the house as much as possible. And then next weekend sit down with him to let him know this pattern of dismissing you in the decision about who’s coming to your house is not okay. Do NOT make it about the ILs’ personalities. This is about your husband alone.

[Anonymous]

No bc then I'd have to be "on" and entertaining for the rest of the weekend. If he shipped the kids off to THEM or booked a hotel for us, that would be great.

[Anonymous]

I’d be very happy he planned something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invited your ILs to stay for the weekend 'so that you could go out for dinner for your anniversary?' And did not ask you.

As long as they aren't in my way or ruining my other plans and I don't have to entertain or 'host', it would be fine.

how would you have guests who would do none of these things? unless GIANT home and staff.

They take care of themselves and/or dh does all the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No bc then I'd have to be "on" and entertaining for the rest of the weekend. If he shipped the kids off to THEM or booked a hotel for us, that would be great.

Op - right this is exactly it. Do something that makes it easier not harder

[Anonymous]

This one’s a maybe. Does it include a hotel stay? That’s be awesome.
And how far did Il’s travel?

I don’t think it’s a huge deal.