Reply to If your spouse did this, would you be happy or no?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Has this actually happened to you, OP? Or are you just randomly starting a thread?

If it has just happened…

What is your relationship with ILs?
Does spouse have a habit of inviting them (or making similar decisions) without consulting you, or is this the first time? In other words, are you annoyed but not surprised by this?
What were your hopes & expectations for the weekend?
[/quote]

op yes it has happened. yes wedding anniversary. 
ILs are fine and I try hard to be polite and kind to them. They come to stay quite often and tbh I dread it but keep that to myself - I think I fail to totally hide it. FIL is a lot. 
I actually had low hopes and expectations but i think I would have found no ILs and no dinner out to be more relaxing and romantic than having to spend the weekend hosting ILs.[/quote]

Thanks for coming back to respond. Can you answer the second question, which I think is the most important:
Is this a typical move on your spouse’s part—making plans without consulting you (either involving ILs or not)? Has he done something like this before like invite them on a vacation without consulting you?[/quote]

yes he does sometimes do things esp as regarding ILs without consulting me. I think part of it is ILs sort of suggest things and then just do whatever they want. eg if he says 'come at 3', ILs come at 10am. but he doesn't actively intervene. [/quote]

Yeah, this is the heart of the issue, and I’d be annoyed because it’s part of a bigger pattern of dismissing you. In this particular situation, it’s even dicier because if you raise any objections, you come off as ungrateful when he’s “trying” to do something nice.

Lay low during the weekend. Don’t lift a finger. Leave the house as much as possible. And then next weekend sit down with him to let him know this pattern of dismissing you in the decision about who’s coming to your house is not okay. Do NOT make it about the ILs’ personalities. This is about your husband alone. [/quote]

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