Vent: cheating ruined our friendship

[Anonymous]

He would never have told you about the cheating if he wasn’t into you. So he sleeps with a stripped, and he’s thinking about having sex with you every time you talk.

OP use some common sense and recognize you need to back out of this relationship out of respect for her.

[Anonymous]

I agree that he wanted to cheat with you. It's why he mentioned the gateway cheat (the strippers) in an attempt to gauge your reaction and receptivity. As much as you miss his friendship, he wasn't thinking of you as only a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that he wanted to cheat with you. It's why he mentioned the gateway cheat (the strippers) in an attempt to gauge your reaction and receptivity. As much as you miss his friendship, he wasn't thinking of you as only a friend.

This plus why do you want to be friends with a man who cheated on his wife by having sex with strippers and has a weed and alcohol addiction? He sounds like a total loser. Certainly not someone you should take advice from!

Move on, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that he wanted to cheat with you. It's why he mentioned the gateway cheat (the strippers) in an attempt to gauge your reaction and receptivity. As much as you miss his friendship, he wasn't thinking of you as only a friend.

This plus why do you want to be friends with a man who cheated on his wife by having sex with strippers and has a weed and alcohol addiction? He sounds like a total loser. Certainly not someone you should take advice from!

Move on, OP.

Yeah these details make the thread seem troll-y.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that he wanted to cheat with you. It's why he mentioned the gateway cheat (the strippers) in an attempt to gauge your reaction and receptivity. As much as you miss his friendship, he wasn't thinking of you as only a friend.

This plus why do you want to be friends with a man who cheated on his wife by having sex with strippers and has a weed and alcohol addiction? He sounds like a total loser. Certainly not someone you should take advice from!

Move on, OP.

Yeah these details make the thread seem troll-y.

I'm not a troll. I left out a lot of personal details in case they read this board, including our friendship history and why these folks are important to me. If he really was into me that's annoying, why can't men just be normal?

[Anonymous]

Oh, but the wives on here claim that men are too smart to cheat on their wives. Hmmm.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know, op, you ddescrib your friend’s wife as the mean mom “He had to give up weed and alcohol too” sounds like a comment my teen would make “Mom found out and he lost his phone for a week”. Do you see how disrespectful that sounds?

I also don’t know that I would want my husband being friends with a woman who would pressure him into doing anything, to be flip, that’s my job. I know I wouldn’t want him being friends with a woman that he cared enough about where she’s the one he talks to before he talks to me. That might be the bigger issue here, instead of telling his wife, he told *you* and he told you first meaning the wife can’t decide she’d prefer to keep this between the two of them. If my husband had a female friend like that, he wouldn’t if he expected to stay married to me. You aren’t his sister so while you say “he’s like a brother”, he isn’t actually a brother. If you two went on a date, nobody would care, they would most definitely care if you were his sister and he said “Yes, I’d look over and I’d see her and I got to think, wow she looks good”.
I’m also not sure that I like that he told you about his cheating, I honestly think that had you told his wife, he’d have told her you were crazy or that you misunderstood “No dear, I told her I cheated at golf, she must have not heard that last part” or said you were making it up because you’ve always liked him, maybe more then you should. Point being, either way, you would have been out of the friendship either way, and if he cared about you, you’d not have heard about the cheating, or if you did, not like that.
I’d go find new friends. You don’t want to be with a guy who cheats on his wife, puts you in the position of feeling like you need to respond to such behavior, and who has a problem with weed and drinking. I’d suggest you figure out why you liked him in the first place and find that in people who do indeed really love you. This friend isn’t it.

[Anonymous]

You're stupid for getting involved. You should've kept your mouth shut and said "this isn't my business" and if you are friends you say "I'm disappointed in you, I don't want to hear it".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're stupid for getting involved. You should've kept your mouth shut and said "this isn't my business" and if you are friends you say "I'm disappointed in you, I don't want to hear it".

I didn’t really have a choice to be involved. He blurted it out and I can’t keep a secret like that from a friend. Would you want a friend to not tell you if they knew?

[Anonymous]

Gross why would you even want to be friends with him. He sounds like a total loser and creep

[Anonymous]

Losing a friendship is never easy. I'm sorry OP. I can understand having complicated feelings about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I don’t know, op, you ddescrib your friend’s wife as the mean mom “He had to give up weed and alcohol too” sounds like a comment my teen would make “Mom found out and he lost his phone for a week”. Do you see how disrespectful that sounds?

I also don’t know that I would want my husband being friends with a woman who would pressure him into doing anything, to be flip, that’s my job. I know I wouldn’t want him being friends with a woman that he cared enough about where she’s the one he talks to before he talks to me. That might be the bigger issue here, instead of telling his wife, he told *you* and he told you first meaning the wife can’t decide she’d prefer to keep this between the two of them. If my husband had a female friend like that, he wouldn’t if he expected to stay married to me. You aren’t his sister so while you say “he’s like a brother”, he isn’t actually a brother. If you two went on a date, nobody would care, they would most definitely care if you were his sister and he said “Yes, I’d look over and I’d see her and I got to think, wow she looks good”.
I’m also not sure that I like that he told you about his cheating, I honestly think that had you told his wife, he’d have told her you were crazy or that you misunderstood “No dear, I told her I cheated at golf, she must have not heard that last part” or said you were making it up because you’ve always liked him, maybe more then you should. Point being, either way, you would have been out of the friendship either way, and if he cared about you, you’d not have heard about the cheating, or if you did, not like that.
I’d go find new friends. You don’t want to be with a guy who cheats on his wife, puts you in the position of feeling like you need to respond to such behavior, and who has a problem with weed and drinking. I’d suggest you figure out why you liked him in the first place and find that in people who do indeed really love you. This friend isn’t it.

She’s not mean at all. Introverted but not mean. He had to give up those things for the sake of their marriage. He could’ve told her I was crazy but based on some events leading up to this she would’ve believed me, and he’s the kind of guy that would’ve eventually owned up to it. I hold my friends accountable and expect them to do the same for me. Call me on my bs.

I absolutely know why I like them both so much and am sad about losing them. I also did not fully understand some of his issues until this came up (I rarely saw him drink, let alone crazy drunk or high).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He would never have told you about the cheating if he wasn’t into you. So he sleeps with a stripped, and he’s thinking about having sex with you every time you talk.

OP use some common sense and recognize you need to back out of this relationship out of respect for her.

I came to just post this. He told you that story in order to gauge your temperature. If you were intrigued by the story (rather than repelled), he would’ve eventually propositioned you.

He likely misinterprets your outgoing nature with flirtatiousness.

Sorry, OP. This guy wrecked his marriage and his friendship with you. That sucks.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why you would have gotten involved and told him to tell his wife. That's on you. These are the consequences. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you would have gotten involved and told him to tell his wife. That's on you. These are the consequences. It is what it is.

I’m actually a little shocked by the number of people who would keep this a secret from their friends. As someone who has been cheated on I was furious when I found out “friends” had inklings or knew of bad behavior but chose not to tell me. That almost hurt more than the cheating.

-op