Reply to Vent: cheating ruined our friendship

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]	I don’t know, op, you ddescrib your friend’s wife as the mean mom “He had to give up weed and alcohol too” sounds like a comment my teen would make “Mom found out and he lost his phone for a week”. Do you see how disrespectful that sounds?

I also don’t know that I would want my husband being friends with a woman who would pressure him into doing anything, to be flip, that’s my job. I know I wouldn’t want him being friends with a woman that he cared enough about where she’s the one he talks to before he talks to me. That might be the bigger issue here, instead of telling his wife, he told *you* and he told you first meaning the wife can’t decide she’d prefer to keep this between the two of them. If my husband had a female friend like that, he wouldn’t if he expected to stay married to me.  You aren’t his sister so while you say “he’s like a brother”, he isn’t actually a brother. If you two went on a date, nobody would care, they would most definitely care if you were his sister and he said “Yes, I’d look over and I’d see her and I got to think, wow she looks good”. 
I’m also not sure that I like that he told you about his cheating, I honestly think that had you told his wife, he’d have told her you were crazy or that you misunderstood “No dear, I told her I cheated at golf, she must have not heard that last part” or said you were making it up because you’ve always liked him, maybe more then you should. Point being, either way, you would have been out of the friendship either way, and if he cared about you, you’d not have heard about the cheating, or if you did, not like that.  
I’d go find new friends. You don’t want to be with a guy who cheats on his wife, puts you in the position of feeling like you need to respond to such behavior, and who has a problem with weed and drinking. I’d suggest you figure out why you liked him in the first place and find that in people who do indeed really love you. This friend isn’t it.  
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She’s not mean at all. Introverted but not mean. He had to give up those things for the sake of their marriage. He could’ve told her I was crazy but based on some events leading up to this she would’ve believed me, and he’s the kind of guy that would’ve eventually owned up to it. I hold my friends accountable and expect them to do the same for me. Call me on my bs.

I absolutely know why I like them both so much and am sad about losing them. I also did not fully understand some of his issues until this came up (I rarely saw him drink, let alone crazy drunk or high). [/quote]

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