Does having three get harder or easier as they get older?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Harder. Different activities, friends, temperaments, academic abilities, etc. Yes, if you don’t work the middle of your day will be calmer. That’s about it, all the rest is harder.

Agree. And then there are the cell phones, internet, social media to keep on top of. Plus when they are little, they go to sleep super early and you have a good chunk of quiet time with your spouse and to clean up, get ready for the next day. As tween/teens, they are up a lot later, getting a second dinner, have late night games and events. While tween and teens are fully capable of meeting their basic needs (unlike younger kids), to parent them well is a lot of work, more so than when they were young.

[Anonymous]

I mean, at 5.5, 7, and 8.5, it will be easier than it is now. But at 12, 13.5, and 15, it will be much, much, much harder!!!

[Anonymous]

It depends a lot on the kids, so similar to two in many ways. Every kid is different but you are more confident in your parenting and you’ve dealt with various shades of things so you are able to navigate more adeptly with three. My children are close in age, best friends, and helped each other socially in school. I also put them in the same sports so that made practice schedules and college recruiting easier. With respect to college, it’s easier with each kid in the sense that you know what to expect and are better equipped to navigate the process. Also, each kid can see how their siblings’ deal with success and disappointment and that can be instructive. I think two kids spaced far apart is harder than three close in age. And one is hard because I assume the child feels a lot of pressure to be successful and probably feels like a failure if they can’t measure up. My friends who are singletons all underachieved and now have the burden of dealing with elder care alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, at 5.5, 7, and 8.5, it will be easier than it is now. But at 12, 13.5, and 15, it will be much, much, much harder!!!

Yes she will get a brief respite before the $hit hits the fan. And agree with PP that says they go to bed so late!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, at 5.5, 7, and 8.5, it will be easier than it is now. But at 12, 13.5, and 15, it will be much, much, much harder!!!

Every family is different so this statement is absurd. Every family goes through tough times. My sister has twins and one had a horrible eating disorder during middle school and now the other one is dealing with really bad depression. The idea that it will be harder with a certain number presupposes that there are no inherent benefits to having more kids/more siblings when in fact there are a number of benefits for kids and parents. You fill the time you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, at 5.5, 7, and 8.5, it will be easier than it is now. But at 12, 13.5, and 15, it will be much, much, much harder!!!

Yes she will get a brief respite before the $hit hits the fan. And agree with PP that says they go to bed so late!!!

Are you responding to your own post or are there multiple people posting who use three exclamation marks at the end of every sentence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Harder. More college applications, more tryouts and disappointments, more friend dramas, more expenses.

…Are you comparing having 3 kids to having 1/2, or having 3 little kids to having 3 big kids?

My 3 are teens now and I think it’s easier than the little kid years, but life is crazy busy! (Which is exactly what we expected…they are a lot of fun and our family has a good time together - lots to look forward to, OP!)

It sounds like your kids have zero academic, emotional or friend issues. Which is lucky and uncommon with 3 kids, unless maybe all are boys? I’d rather potty train 100 kids than deal with teen friend drama.

But with three they can lean on their siblings during friend drama (hate to say this, book look at how the Kardashians rally around each other) and for the rest of their lives. I instilled in my kids that your siblings are your best friends. Of course they fight about stupid things but they are incredibly close. I couldn’t have gotten that dynamic with two. With three it’s less about personalities going together seamlessly (which never happens) and it’s more about the relationship. And if two are fighting at least they both have one sibling they’re not fighting with who can act as peacemaker. With two there is no peacemaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Harder. More college applications, more tryouts and disappointments, more friend dramas, more expenses.

…Are you comparing having 3 kids to having 1/2, or having 3 little kids to having 3 big kids?

My 3 are teens now and I think it’s easier than the little kid years, but life is crazy busy! (Which is exactly what we expected…they are a lot of fun and our family has a good time together - lots to look forward to, OP!)

It sounds like your kids have zero academic, emotional or friend issues. Which is lucky and uncommon with 3 kids, unless maybe all are boys? I’d rather potty train 100 kids than deal with teen friend drama.

What? Of course that’s not true. But yes, no SN kids which I’m sure makes it an entirely different ballgame. Interestingly my kids seem to be great sources of comfort and perspective to each other when it comes to friend issues - we’re all pretty close as a family and they seem comfortable discussing these issues with DH and I, but have late night talks with each other too. I would say rather than being resource competitors the overall dynamic seems to be mutual enrichment (…I DID wish we had a chauffeur, though, until the oldest started driving themselves!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Harder. More college applications, more tryouts and disappointments, more friend dramas, more expenses.

…Are you comparing having 3 kids to having 1/2, or having 3 little kids to having 3 big kids?

My 3 are teens now and I think it’s easier than the little kid years, but life is crazy busy! (Which is exactly what we expected…they are a lot of fun and our family has a good time together - lots to look forward to, OP!)

It sounds like your kids have zero academic, emotional or friend issues. Which is lucky and uncommon with 3 kids, unless maybe all are boys? I’d rather potty train 100 kids than deal with teen friend drama.

But with three they can lean on their siblings during friend drama (hate to say this, book look at how the Kardashians rally around each other) and for the rest of their lives. I instilled in my kids that your siblings are your best friends. Of course they fight about stupid things but they are incredibly close. I couldn’t have gotten that dynamic with two. With three it’s less about personalities going together seamlessly (which never happens) and it’s more about the relationship. And if two are fighting at least they both have one sibling they’re not fighting with who can act as peacemaker. With two there is no peacemaker.

Not everyone gets that dynamic with 3. Are yours all the same gender? Are their ages relatively close and spaced evenly? Do they have complementary temperaments? Yes, some of this is parenting but some of it is luck, too. Some families don't have a peacemaker at all -- that's a volunteer position and sometimes no one wants it.

I also admire the Kardashian's family dynamic but I think to some degree it's because they got fortunate with gender dynamics and the way the kids are clustered. The three oldest girls are close in age and personality, and all girls. Rob was the baby and the only boy and got doted on by all his sisters. And then Kendall and Kylie are like a separate set and have each other. So everyone has someone except Rob, who has a kid of place of honor as the lone boy, especially after their dad died. And even with that, there are some issues there, despite their closeness. Rob and Khloe both have issues with self-esteem and their place in the family, there are sometimes weird dynamics between the Jenners and the Kardashians. It's not all smooth sailing.

[Anonymous]

Some things get easier, others get harder. In that way, it's no different than parenting in general. The logistics of three are more than with one or two, yes, but you can also set limits around activities.

Also, much of the perceived difficulty varies depending on the given family. Some parents have a ton of physical energy and don't find the little years that tough, but struggle with the emotional/social support with teens. For others, it's the opposite. Some parents have a harder time setting boundaries (or don't want to) around activities, etc., and run themselves ragged. Some kids were such horrible sleepers as young kids that even the teen years feel less difficult, because parents are more-rested.

So many permutations. It's a marathon, so pace yourself. (My three are 12, 10, and 7)

[Anonymous]

New poster: These answers are interesting. I wish posters would state whether they have 3 kids and if so, what their ages are. Some of these answers feel like they are parents of younger kids and/or parents with two kids. Which is fine, but not necessarily a great insight on what it is like to raise three kids into teens/adulthood.

My three are 18, 16, and 14--oldest just left for college last month. Over the years, it's gotten easier in some ways and harder in others.

As sweet as it was, I personally was really ready to say goodbye to stage you're in with yours right now. It's so physically demanding and even a trip to the pool was pretty hairy. It was a glorious day when my youngest became as strong a swimmer as her siblings.

I know a lot of people hate the teenage stage--and it does come with a special set of high-stakes issues and worries--but I really love teenagers. They're just so smart and insightful and they feel things SO deeply. I keenly remember how challenging this time is and I have a lot of patience with mine as they try to become independent.

My three (girl, boy, girl) are actually all pretty close, with the two sisters being exceptionally close. It's absolutely heartwarming to overhear them talk about their days and give each other advice and support. Because of their ages (and your kids' ages) they have a chance to have many shared experiences, which is really special.

There have been various times when all three were in crisis of one kind of another and that is tiring. In our house we've had mental health issues, physical health issues, a very late autism diagnosis, and some absolutely horrific friend drama. Any one of those is a lot, but having 3 kids in crisis is truly exhausting. But overall, our home has been a place of love and connection. I would actually say the hardest year was not a year when we had three teens ... it was when we had one each in elementary, middle, and high school. That year was a bit of a blur.

Now that my oldest is living at college, I'm a little shocked at how much "simpler" things seem to be only two at home. I definitely have more bandwidth. And when one kid is off doing their own thing it's kind of amazing to have that time with two adults and one kid--even if the kid isn't really wanting to do something with us, it feels nice to be able to offer.

Having one in college also made me very aware of how quickly this time passes, so I'm trying to soak it up.

I'm not sure if you are looking for advice exactly, but I would suggest trying to step away from thinking of parenting as really ever being "easier" or "harder." Every stage has its challenges and joys.

[Anonymous]

+1 on the “peacemaker is a volunteer position.” No peacemakers in my brood - all are great kids but all have their different strengths and weaknesses. And I don’t enjoy being a full time therapist. Solving their problems was much simpler before. Yes the driving is a lot but that’s not my issue. It’s the friend problems and the teacher problems. And the fact that despite being good students none of them enjoy going to school but school just isn’t fun or interesting any more. It’s sad.

[Anonymous]

Parenting when kids are little is a physical game....you are physically exhausted, losing sleep due to the kids wake up times, constantly running after them just trying to keep them safe.

Parenting when kids get older is a mental game. You don't have to chase after them, but you do have to figure out how to get them to and from activities, worries about friends and relationships, worries about technology, worries about school, how late should they be staying out, who are they spending time with, etc.

Is it easier to chase three kids at the playground when one wants to climb up the slide, another is on the baby swing, and the third is trying to run away?
or to help someone with algebra homework, while also getting texts about how someone else's boyfriend didn't show up to their date, while also worrying about if the third kid will make the team they have their heart set on?


I've found older ages much easier than the younger ages, but the mileage varies based on the kids/personalities at play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some things get easier, others get harder. In that way, it's no different than parenting in general. The logistics of three are more than with one or two, yes, but you can also set limits around activities.

Also, much of the perceived difficulty varies depending on the given family. Some parents have a ton of physical energy and don't find the little years that tough, but struggle with the emotional/social support with teens. For others, it's the opposite. Some parents have a harder time setting boundaries (or don't want to) around activities, etc., and run themselves ragged. Some kids were such horrible sleepers as young kids that even the teen years feel less difficult, because parents are more-rested.

So many permutations. It's a marathon, so pace yourself. (My three are 12, 10, and 7)

You are currently in the sweet spot. That light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Currently have three, ages 4, 2.5, and 1. It’s mostly chaos but it’s also nice sometimes because my younger two nap at the same time. But everyone keeps telling me how hard it gets as they get older, and to “just wait” until they are all in elementary school.

Sometimes I feel in the thick of it and I can’t imagine it will get HARDER as they become more independent. Does it?

Mine are a few years older than yours (6, 4, and 4) and definitely hitting the "easier" sweet spot. After school they play together in a way that I think 1 or even 2 kid won't (since they switch up things like playing games, playing pretend etc- it only take two to be interested in a game and the other might play solo). The older gets up and dressed by herself and the twins are moving towards that as well.

Sounds like it might get harder post elementary so I will enjoy these years while I have them!