Husband refuses to give me a hug when i’m sad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My most sympathetic take on this is he feels anxious because it's something he can't fix and he defaults to anger because that's the only emotion most adult men have ever had validated. He needs some kind of therapy to figure out why he's incapable of being a decent person when faced with your sadness.

This, exactly. Men are SOCIALIZED to want to fix every problem. They don’t know what to do with tears and sadness so they get angry with themselves and take it out on you. Vicious cycle.

Fixed that for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound emotionally manipulative. The most simply answer as to why your husband will not hug you when you are crying of issues like "back to school stress" is that he simply refuses to reward your bad behavior.

The argument that that "men's only emotion is anger so he should go to therapy" is misandrist.

Lets take your example of "back to school stress" where you start the morning by crying. What is it that you want from him? Are you actually wanting a hug or are you wanting him to take care of some action items.

If what you want is literally a hug, CRYING FOR A HUG IS CHILDISH AND MANIPULATIVE. As an adult you should have self-awareness to think "humm... I"m stressed, I'd like a hug from my husband" than an ADULT will walk over to their husband and using their big girl words say: "honey, I'm feeling a lot of stress and a hug would make be feel less stressed. Will you please give me a hug?"

If you did that then I bet he would give you a hug. If he didn't give you hug, then he is being a jerk.

That isn't what you do. You cry (like a child) and hope his response is the magic response you want and if he doesn't give you the secret code you get to be more upset with him. YOU are manipulative.

You’re not very nice. I don’t imagine you are close to many people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound emotionally manipulative. The most simply answer as to why your husband will not hug you when you are crying of issues like "back to school stress" is that he simply refuses to reward your bad behavior.

The argument that that "men's only emotion is anger so he should go to therapy" is misandrist.

Lets take your example of "back to school stress" where you start the morning by crying. What is it that you want from him? Are you actually wanting a hug or are you wanting him to take care of some action items.

If what you want is literally a hug, CRYING FOR A HUG IS CHILDISH AND MANIPULATIVE. As an adult you should have self-awareness to think "humm... I"m stressed, I'd like a hug from my husband" than an ADULT will walk over to their husband and using their big girl words say: "honey, I'm feeling a lot of stress and a hug would make be feel less stressed. Will you please give me a hug?"

If you did that then I bet he would give you a hug. If he didn't give you hug, then he is being a jerk.

That isn't what you do. You cry (like a child) and hope his response is the magic response you want and if he doesn't give you the secret code you get to be more upset with him. YOU are manipulative.

You’re not very nice. I don’t imagine you are close to many people.

Wow this first PP is nuts. OP do NOT listen to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound emotionally manipulative. The most simply answer as to why your husband will not hug you when you are crying of issues like "back to school stress" is that he simply refuses to reward your bad behavior.

The argument that that "men's only emotion is anger so he should go to therapy" is misandrist.

Lets take your example of "back to school stress" where you start the morning by crying. What is it that you want from him? Are you actually wanting a hug or are you wanting him to take care of some action items.

If what you want is literally a hug, CRYING FOR A HUG IS CHILDISH AND MANIPULATIVE. As an adult you should have self-awareness to think "humm... I"m stressed, I'd like a hug from my husband" than an ADULT will walk over to their husband and using their big girl words say: "honey, I'm feeling a lot of stress and a hug would make be feel less stressed. Will you please give me a hug?"

If you did that then I bet he would give you a hug. If he didn't give you hug, then he is being a jerk.

That isn't what you do. You cry (like a child) and hope his response is the magic response you want and if he doesn't give you the secret code you get to be more upset with him. YOU are manipulative.

You're a psychopath.

OP, I'm sorry your husband has no sympathy or empathy for you. I couldn't live with this myself. Have you tried couples counseling at all? Would he be open to it if you said your marriage depended on it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound emotionally manipulative. The most simply answer as to why your husband will not hug you when you are crying of issues like "back to school stress" is that he simply refuses to reward your bad behavior.

The argument that that "men's only emotion is anger so he should go to therapy" is misandrist.

Lets take your example of "back to school stress" where you start the morning by crying. What is it that you want from him? Are you actually wanting a hug or are you wanting him to take care of some action items.

If what you want is literally a hug, CRYING FOR A HUG IS CHILDISH AND MANIPULATIVE. As an adult you should have self-awareness to think "humm... I"m stressed, I'd like a hug from my husband" than an ADULT will walk over to their husband and using their big girl words say: "honey, I'm feeling a lot of stress and a hug would make be feel less stressed. Will you please give me a hug?"

If you did that then I bet he would give you a hug. If he didn't give you hug, then he is being a jerk.

That isn't what you do. You cry (like a child) and hope his response is the magic response you want and if he doesn't give you the secret code you get to be more upset with him. YOU are manipulative.

The irony of how irrationally angry you got at OP for posting about wanting a hug while including this line.

+1. PP sounds unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound emotionally manipulative. The most simply answer as to why your husband will not hug you when you are crying of issues like "back to school stress" is that he simply refuses to reward your bad behavior.

The argument that that "men's only emotion is anger so he should go to therapy" is misandrist.

Lets take your example of "back to school stress" where you start the morning by crying. What is it that you want from him? Are you actually wanting a hug or are you wanting him to take care of some action items.

If what you want is literally a hug, CRYING FOR A HUG IS CHILDISH AND MANIPULATIVE. As an adult you should have self-awareness to think "humm... I"m stressed, I'd like a hug from my husband" than an ADULT will walk over to their husband and using their big girl words say: "honey, I'm feeling a lot of stress and a hug would make be feel less stressed. Will you please give me a hug?"

If you did that then I bet he would give you a hug. If he didn't give you hug, then he is being a jerk.

That isn't what you do. You cry (like a child) and hope his response is the magic response you want and if he doesn't give you the secret code you get to be more upset with him. YOU are manipulative.

The irony of how irrationally angry you got at OP for posting about wanting a hug while including this line.

+1. PP sounds unhinged.

That PP is unhinged, no doubt. But there are some kernels of truth there. It’s actually pretty bad behavior to demand hugs or physical affection in general. Requesting a hug is okay, but it’s also okay to refuse, even between spouses.

I think if this was a husband posting about how a wife wouldn’t give him hugs, the responses would be pretty different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound emotionally manipulative. The most simply answer as to why your husband will not hug you when you are crying of issues like "back to school stress" is that he simply refuses to reward your bad behavior.

The argument that that "men's only emotion is anger so he should go to therapy" is misandrist.

Lets take your example of "back to school stress" where you start the morning by crying. What is it that you want from him? Are you actually wanting a hug or are you wanting him to take care of some action items.

If what you want is literally a hug, CRYING FOR A HUG IS CHILDISH AND MANIPULATIVE. As an adult you should have self-awareness to think "humm... I"m stressed, I'd like a hug from my husband" than an ADULT will walk over to their husband and using their big girl words say: "honey, I'm feeling a lot of stress and a hug would make be feel less stressed. Will you please give me a hug?"

If you did that then I bet he would give you a hug. If he didn't give you hug, then he is being a jerk.

That isn't what you do. You cry (like a child) and hope his response is the magic response you want and if he doesn't give you the secret code you get to be more upset with him. YOU are manipulative.

The irony of how irrationally angry you got at OP for posting about wanting a hug while including this line.

+1. PP sounds unhinged.

That PP is unhinged, no doubt. But there are some kernels of truth there. It’s actually pretty bad behavior to demand hugs or physical affection in general. Requesting a hug is okay, but it’s also okay to refuse, even between spouses.

I think if this was a husband posting about how a wife wouldn’t give him hugs, the responses would be pretty different.

Where do you see she "demanded" a hug, or are you making things up to make sure you pick the gender you prefer to side with?
Asking your spouse, of either sex, for a hug is not bad behavior. Of course your spouse can refuse, but then getting angry with you and picking a fight is actual bad behavior. OP did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound emotionally manipulative. The most simply answer as to why your husband will not hug you when you are crying of issues like "back to school stress" is that he simply refuses to reward your bad behavior.

The argument that that "men's only emotion is anger so he should go to therapy" is misandrist.

Lets take your example of "back to school stress" where you start the morning by crying. What is it that you want from him? Are you actually wanting a hug or are you wanting him to take care of some action items.

If what you want is literally a hug, CRYING FOR A HUG IS CHILDISH AND MANIPULATIVE. As an adult you should have self-awareness to think "humm... I"m stressed, I'd like a hug from my husband" than an ADULT will walk over to their husband and using their big girl words say: "honey, I'm feeling a lot of stress and a hug would make be feel less stressed. Will you please give me a hug?"

If you did that then I bet he would give you a hug. If he didn't give you hug, then he is being a jerk.

That isn't what you do. You cry (like a child) and hope his response is the magic response you want and if he doesn't give you the secret code you get to be more upset with him. YOU are manipulative.

The irony of how irrationally angry you got at OP for posting about wanting a hug while including this line.

+1. PP sounds unhinged.

That PP is unhinged, no doubt. But there are some kernels of truth there. It’s actually pretty bad behavior to demand hugs or physical affection in general. Requesting a hug is okay, but it’s also okay to refuse, even between spouses.

I think if this was a husband posting about how a wife wouldn’t give him hugs, the responses would be pretty different.

o/t but how do i know if someone's a non-hugger? what signs to look for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound emotionally manipulative. The most simply answer as to why your husband will not hug you when you are crying of issues like "back to school stress" is that he simply refuses to reward your bad behavior.

The argument that that "men's only emotion is anger so he should go to therapy" is misandrist.

Lets take your example of "back to school stress" where you start the morning by crying. What is it that you want from him? Are you actually wanting a hug or are you wanting him to take care of some action items.

If what you want is literally a hug, CRYING FOR A HUG IS CHILDISH AND MANIPULATIVE. As an adult you should have self-awareness to think "humm... I"m stressed, I'd like a hug from my husband" than an ADULT will walk over to their husband and using their big girl words say: "honey, I'm feeling a lot of stress and a hug would make be feel less stressed. Will you please give me a hug?"

If you did that then I bet he would give you a hug. If he didn't give you hug, then he is being a jerk.

That isn't what you do. You cry (like a child) and hope his response is the magic response you want and if he doesn't give you the secret code you get to be more upset with him. YOU are manipulative.

Agree with all of this. And I don't believe OP one bit when they say they cry only twice a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound emotionally manipulative. The most simply answer as to why your husband will not hug you when you are crying of issues like "back to school stress" is that he simply refuses to reward your bad behavior.

The argument that that "men's only emotion is anger so he should go to therapy" is misandrist.

Lets take your example of "back to school stress" where you start the morning by crying. What is it that you want from him? Are you actually wanting a hug or are you wanting him to take care of some action items.

If what you want is literally a hug, CRYING FOR A HUG IS CHILDISH AND MANIPULATIVE. As an adult you should have self-awareness to think "humm... I"m stressed, I'd like a hug from my husband" than an ADULT will walk over to their husband and using their big girl words say: "honey, I'm feeling a lot of stress and a hug would make be feel less stressed. Will you please give me a hug?"

If you did that then I bet he would give you a hug. If he didn't give you hug, then he is being a jerk.

That isn't what you do. You cry (like a child) and hope his response is the magic response you want and if he doesn't give you the secret code you get to be more upset with him. YOU are manipulative.

Agree with all of this. And I don't believe OP one bit when they say they cry only twice a year.

NP and I agree with both of you. I also agree, if the genders were reversed, OP would get wildly different responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound emotionally manipulative. The most simply answer as to why your husband will not hug you when you are crying of issues like "back to school stress" is that he simply refuses to reward your bad behavior.

The argument that that "men's only emotion is anger so he should go to therapy" is misandrist.

Lets take your example of "back to school stress" where you start the morning by crying. What is it that you want from him? Are you actually wanting a hug or are you wanting him to take care of some action items.

If what you want is literally a hug, CRYING FOR A HUG IS CHILDISH AND MANIPULATIVE. As an adult you should have self-awareness to think "humm... I"m stressed, I'd like a hug from my husband" than an ADULT will walk over to their husband and using their big girl words say: "honey, I'm feeling a lot of stress and a hug would make be feel less stressed. Will you please give me a hug?"

If you did that then I bet he would give you a hug. If he didn't give you hug, then he is being a jerk.

That isn't what you do. You cry (like a child) and hope his response is the magic response you want and if he doesn't give you the secret code you get to be more upset with him. YOU are manipulative.

The irony of how irrationally angry you got at OP for posting about wanting a hug while including this line.

+1. PP sounds unhinged.

That PP is unhinged, no doubt. But there are some kernels of truth there. It’s actually pretty bad behavior to demand hugs or physical affection in general. Requesting a hug is okay, but it’s also okay to refuse, even between spouses.

I think if this was a husband posting about how a wife wouldn’t give him hugs, the responses would be pretty different.

Where do you see she "demanded" a hug, or are you making things up to make sure you pick the gender you prefer to side with?
Asking your spouse, of either sex, for a hug is not bad behavior. Of course your spouse can refuse, but then getting angry with you and picking a fight is actual bad behavior. OP did nothing wrong.

DP.

She expects a hug from him when she is sad. Look at her topic for this thread.

Nothing wrong with it, but she does demand a hug when she is sad.

If guy started a thread with " wife refused to give me sex when I'm horny". Many will say he was demanding sex.

[Anonymous]

OP is this you? https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1150634.page

I think it probably is -- the whole "I'm sad" phrase is the same. She was called out for the good chance that she is crying all the time to manipulate, which is probably why she posted that unlikely I-only-cry-like-twice-a-year stuff here; she's trolling for sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is generally not affectionate….. but when i am upset or sad or crying, he refuses to give me a hug. My sadness seems to trigger anger in him. As a result, over the years, I have shared leas with him…..but this morning again i was crying (happens maybe twice a year, i don’t emote much anymore around him), where i just wanted a hug because i felt overwhelmed with childcare issue/ mundane back to school stress, he withdrew and refused a hug, and got angry at me for loading our dishwasher the wrong way….

I guess my question is, has anyone else found themself in this situation? I know he has empathy for other people, just not for me……isnt a husnand supposed to be a source of emtoonal support? I am pretty social and have lots of friends for support, but sometimes I want to feel like my DH wlso has my back….. but if i show any signs of being needy, he gets angry…..

OP, if you break out into tears in response to mundane stuff like back to school issues, childcare, etc., then you need therapy.

Your husband isn't a therapist.

[Anonymous]

I ask my husband for a hug a couple/few times a week. No big deal. He doesn’t get angry- he just hugs me and runs my back for a few seconds, and we move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound emotionally manipulative. The most simply answer as to why your husband will not hug you when you are crying of issues like "back to school stress" is that he simply refuses to reward your bad behavior.

The argument that that "men's only emotion is anger so he should go to therapy" is misandrist.

Lets take your example of "back to school stress" where you start the morning by crying. What is it that you want from him? Are you actually wanting a hug or are you wanting him to take care of some action items.

If what you want is literally a hug, CRYING FOR A HUG IS CHILDISH AND MANIPULATIVE. As an adult you should have self-awareness to think "humm... I"m stressed, I'd like a hug from my husband" than an ADULT will walk over to their husband and using their big girl words say: "honey, I'm feeling a lot of stress and a hug would make be feel less stressed. Will you please give me a hug?"

If you did that then I bet he would give you a hug. If he didn't give you hug, then he is being a jerk.

That isn't what you do. You cry (like a child) and hope his response is the magic response you want and if he doesn't give you the secret code you get to be more upset with him. YOU are manipulative.

The irony of how irrationally angry you got at OP for posting about wanting a hug while including this line.

+1. PP sounds unhinged.

That PP is unhinged, no doubt. But there are some kernels of truth there. It’s actually pretty bad behavior to demand hugs or physical affection in general. Requesting a hug is okay, but it’s also okay to refuse, even between spouses.

I think if this was a husband posting about how a wife wouldn’t give him hugs, the responses would be pretty different.

o/t but how do i know if someone's a non-hugger? what signs to look for?

Hard to know because they will hide it until you are far along in the relationship.