3 year old doesn’t care about being in trouble

[Anonymous]

Time outs are also good for having the parent calm down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read No Bad Kids. You need to change how you think about this and it requires you to understand where your kid is developmentally. In short, being in trouble does nothing to help them learn to do better - and learning to do better should be your real goal.

+1 for No Bad Kids. Absolute game changer for this age.

Yes, I am a responsible elder millennial parent and I have read No Bad Kids, a few times!!

The scenario is peeing on the floor on purpose. They do it to push my buttons, and they love cleaning it up.

I would do an early bedtime for that at like 5pm. Do it once don’t cave and I bet it will stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read No Bad Kids. You need to change how you think about this and it requires you to understand where your kid is developmentally. In short, being in trouble does nothing to help them learn to do better - and learning to do better should be your real goal.

+1 for No Bad Kids. Absolute game changer for this age.

It really is, it takes so much stress and struggle out of the equation for both the parent and child. Also as someone who manages people at work, and it exhausts my executive function, I really needed a framework where I am not constantly tracking punishments, rewards, time outs, issuing threats, etc. I don’t have it left in me at the end of the day to complete a sticker chart or have my precious little time with my kids be half spent with them in “time out.” So, this works really well because it gets good results but lets me be my kids’ ally and teacher rather than their judge and jury.

Okay so what is the No Bad Kids response to a kid peeing on the floor on purpose? This is not snark. I am genuinely asking. And I swear I have read it.

[Anonymous]

He's desperately wanting your undivided attention and, from his perspective, he's nit getting any from you or at least not a lot.

So, negative attention (time outs, getting reprimanded) is better than no attention at all (in his little mind).

Try some consistent 1:1 play (no phone, no sneaking in a glance at dcum, no trying to do a chore while playing) with him for a good chunk of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's desperately wanting your undivided attention and, from his perspective, he's nit getting any from you or at least not a lot.

So, negative attention (time outs, getting reprimanded) is better than no attention at all (in his little mind).

Try some consistent 1:1 play (no phone, no sneaking in a glance at dcum, no trying to do a chore while playing) with him for a good chunk of time.

Look. I want to blame myself for this too. But the reality is I’m a SAHM. They get quality 1:1 time with me A LOT. Am I perfect about my phone? Of course not. I am pretty F-ing good though. If my kid doesn’t get enough 1:1 attention, I don’t think it’s possible.

[Anonymous]

OP what do they like doing most? Least? In what context are they peeing on the floor? When you’re trying to go out? When they don’t want to stop playing? How often does it happen.

My advice for the situation depends a bit on kid interests and personality and details; I don’t think there’s a silver bullet that will work with every child/situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP what do they like doing most? Least? In what context are they peeing on the floor? When you’re trying to go out? When they don’t want to stop playing? How often does it happen.

My advice for the situation depends a bit on kid interests and personality and details; I don’t think there’s a silver bullet that will work with every child/situation.

What happened in this situation is that I closed the door so I could change my tampon alone and my child, who genuinely gets a LOT of one on one time, was mildly annoyed and peed on the floor so they could cackle at their own cleverness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what do they like doing most? Least? In what context are they peeing on the floor? When you’re trying to go out? When they don’t want to stop playing? How often does it happen.

My advice for the situation depends a bit on kid interests and personality and details; I don’t think there’s a silver bullet that will work with every child/situation.

What happened in this situation is that I closed the door so I could change my tampon alone and my child, who genuinely gets a LOT of one on one time, was mildly annoyed and peed on the floor so they could cackle at their own cleverness.

That sounds extremely irritating. I would probably ensure that the child did not get anything fun to do all afternoon or put them back in diapers for the day and not let them play with certain things because they’re clearly either sick or in a destructive mood and can’t be trusted. Depends on what makes them tick. (My oldest is VERY into being a “big kid” so curbing her independence by making her hold my hand/stay in sight/etc works wonders. My younger likes tons of attention so he would get “can’t play with you gotta clean up the big mess you made” or “no I’m not carrying you down the stairs; you might pee on me!”) I would also make sure to congratulate them on peeing in the potty properly for the rest of the day too.

I doubt you’re doing anything wrong cosmically; sometime kids this age are just adorable little demons.

[Anonymous]

Sigh. Yeah. In the end we cleaned it up together and did a time out so I could calm down. I was pretty upset. What I hate most is I kind of feel like my mood was the consequence, but isn’t that kind of a natural consequence? I explained that I love them but pee on the floor on purpose really upsets me because I love our house and it’s hard to clean up. I think they get it but just don’t really care if I’m upset.

I decided that next time, the consequence is the rugs have to go away for cleaning.

The handholding/baby thing sounds good but it also sounds like mostly a punishment for me if you know what I’m saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what do they like doing most? Least? In what context are they peeing on the floor? When you’re trying to go out? When they don’t want to stop playing? How often does it happen.

My advice for the situation depends a bit on kid interests and personality and details; I don’t think there’s a silver bullet that will work with every child/situation.

What happened in this situation is that I closed the door so I could change my tampon alone and my child, who genuinely gets a LOT of one on one time, was mildly annoyed and peed on the floor so they could cackle at their own cleverness.

Do you still have diapers? Tell him he needs to go go potty or have a diaper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what do they like doing most? Least? In what context are they peeing on the floor? When you’re trying to go out? When they don’t want to stop playing? How often does it happen.

My advice for the situation depends a bit on kid interests and personality and details; I don’t think there’s a silver bullet that will work with every child/situation.

What happened in this situation is that I closed the door so I could change my tampon alone and my child, who genuinely gets a LOT of one on one time, was mildly annoyed and peed on the floor so they could cackle at their own cleverness.

Do you still have diapers? Tell him he needs to go go potty or have a diaper.

Yeah, I’m not doing that because potty training was a struggle and there is a non zero chance my child will say “OKAY!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what do they like doing most? Least? In what context are they peeing on the floor? When you’re trying to go out? When they don’t want to stop playing? How often does it happen.

My advice for the situation depends a bit on kid interests and personality and details; I don’t think there’s a silver bullet that will work with every child/situation.

What happened in this situation is that I closed the door so I could change my tampon alone and my child, who genuinely gets a LOT of one on one time, was mildly annoyed and peed on the floor so they could cackle at their own cleverness.

Do you still have diapers? Tell him he needs to go go potty or have a diaper.

Yeah, I’m not doing that because potty training was a struggle and there is a non zero chance my child will say “OKAY!”

If you treat him like a baby he will decide soon it’s more fun to be a big kid. Believe me, he won’t like having to stop playing to be changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read No Bad Kids. You need to change how you think about this and it requires you to understand where your kid is developmentally. In short, being in trouble does nothing to help them learn to do better - and learning to do better should be your real goal.

+1 for No Bad Kids. Absolute game changer for this age.

Yes, I am a responsible elder millennial parent and I have read No Bad Kids, a few times!!

The scenario is peeing on the floor on purpose. They do it to push my buttons, and they love cleaning it up.

Throw away your buttons.
They'll get bored of pushing nothing.

So if they don’t mind cleaning up, then just have them do that! Every time! They will get bored eventually. And yeah, don’t react. Sounds like a re-read is in order

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read No Bad Kids. You need to change how you think about this and it requires you to understand where your kid is developmentally. In short, being in trouble does nothing to help them learn to do better - and learning to do better should be your real goal.

+1 for No Bad Kids. Absolute game changer for this age.

Yes, I am a responsible elder millennial parent and I have read No Bad Kids, a few times!!

The scenario is peeing on the floor on purpose. They do it to push my buttons, and they love cleaning it up.

Throw away your buttons.
They'll get bored of pushing nothing.

So if they don’t mind cleaning up, then just have them do that! Every time! They will get bored eventually. And yeah, don’t react. Sounds like a re-read is in order :-)

I guess I feel like not expressing that I’m unhappy when there’s pee on the floor (not because of an accident, obviously) feels like psychopathy and like giving my kid a very warped view of myself. This isn’t like spilled cereal or thrown eggs. It seeps into the floor boards. I can wash the rug but not the rug pad. It would be insane for me to NOT be upset, wouldn’t it? “Unruffled,” sure! I’m still in control, I’m still a safe space, blah blah. But I’m obviously mad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read No Bad Kids. You need to change how you think about this and it requires you to understand where your kid is developmentally. In short, being in trouble does nothing to help them learn to do better - and learning to do better should be your real goal.

+1 for No Bad Kids. Absolute game changer for this age.

It really is, it takes so much stress and struggle out of the equation for both the parent and child. Also as someone who manages people at work, and it exhausts my executive function, I really needed a framework where I am not constantly tracking punishments, rewards, time outs, issuing threats, etc. I don’t have it left in me at the end of the day to complete a sticker chart or have my precious little time with my kids be half spent with them in “time out.” So, this works really well because it gets good results but lets me be my kids’ ally and teacher rather than their judge and jury.

Okay so what is the No Bad Kids response to a kid peeing on the floor on purpose? This is not snark. I am genuinely asking. And I swear I have read it.

I think the textbook answer would be 1) don’t give a big reaction. They are testing limits and they see this is a big reaction getter from you. They want to keep testing to see if you are stable and calm when this happens. 2) Natural consequence. In this case they have to clean the floor.

Beyond that, it is all about you and your reaction. Why did this make you so angry? They are not disrespecting you, they are asking for love and attention the only way they know how. Next time you will need to bring the kid in the bathroom with you or (if age appropriate) put them in their crib in order to prevent the behavior from repeating.