For the ladies: how to make most of 30s?

[Anonymous]

ill be 37 in less than a month and I wish I traveled more before I had my kid AND gave myself permission to take the 12-16 weeks to recover from childbirth. Everyone doesnt need it, but I did.

Keep doing what you love and find new things to enjoy.

I love reading and I just keep finding new genres to explore plus I finally got the Libby app.

Our pool offers pickleball and tennis lessons. Started both this summer and I have really enjoyed it. I plan on continuing tennis consistently and playing pickleball in a friend/leisurely manner.

Lift weights if you dont already. Get pelvic PT evaluation, you dont have to accept peeing your pants although there are some percentage of women who will require surgery/more intensive intervention.

Use sunscreen every day. Start a very basic skin routine- you need chemical exfoliation, vit C, and retinol plus sunscreen. Everything else is extra. Skincare is 80% routine use + 20% in office procedures.

Start investing/saving more/budgeting better. Get a will and POA and guardians selected for any children. Re-do every 5-10 years for guardianship. The people best suited for your child as an toddler may not be the same for early teenage years, especially as you learn more about their temperament and/or the status of your guardians change (divorce, aging parents, medical illness, etc.)

My 30s felt like a slog in fog. I finally got treated for hypothyroid and its like living a new life. Don't allow doctors to brush off symptoms because you are: 1)a new mom 2) postpartum 3)breastfeeding 4)overweight. Ex. Youll feel better once you wean (no I didnt). Youll feel better once you exercise (I already do). Youll feel better if you get more sleep (I sleep enough here's my fitbit log). Youll feel better once you eat better(Here are the macros I am already tracking and weighing). In summary, find clinicians you trust before there are problems.

Be generous in spirit but not with your time. You only have so many hours a day and if you are working full time, have a child(ren), a house, a dog, family, and friends, hobbies and outside interests- its enough to balance. You dont have to be superwoman in every facet of your life. It is the hardest thing to be present where you are but it is the best practice. When you are with your friends, be with them. When you are with your kid, be with your kid.

[Anonymous]

Have babies
Wear sunscreen
Max out your savings

[Anonymous]

Strength training. Don't wait until your 40s. Start now. It's so important for women. I wish I had known this much earlier. Now in my late 40s I'm trying to catch up.

Say yes to fun and adventurous things, even if they take you out of your comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

Take big dumps in my gold throne

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would actually advise to not put the pressure on yourself to make every day count.

I feel like carpe diem is fine in theory - and also is a LOT of pressure, and also you'd make different decisions if today were your last day, than if today is another day in a life you're building for yourself, that you hope will be long. Think of how you eat on vacation v how you eat in regular life.

My advice would be to build yourself the life you want to be living, as much as you can. Find out what you like and do those things. Save some for retirement, and spend on things that give you pleasure and make your life easier. Do you like your job? If not, does that matter to you - and if it does, can you spend some time now, figuring out what you would like better and trying to do that instead?

Don't "invest" in too many expensive clothes that may not fit if you put on some weight in your 40s. (!!) But wear all the beautiful things you own now in your regular life. Don't save those shoes or that dress - they are meant for using.

The PP's advice to find exercise you like, and do it, is good. I'm grateful - knock wood - every single day that I love walking, and walk and walk and walk, and have been doing it for decades - and am not having to start from scratch at 50.

In that vein: wear shoes that will make your feet and back happy.

^ But I'd also add: try to let go of the natural anxiety you're probably feeling about 40 being around the bend. My 40s were better than my 30s, which were better than my 20s. I've just turned 50 - my lord! - and I feel guardedly optimistic about this decade, too. Knock wood, you've got a lot of decades left to enjoy yourself.

Agree, I am in my forties and think life is better now than my twenties or thirties. Only downside is all the increased cancer screenings and cancer risk.

My regret is worrying so much about finding a husband and having kids. Didn't happen for me and guess what, I am fine. Wish I hadn't stressed or moped about it so much Bridget Jones style. Enjoy your life. If kids come, great. If they don't, that's fine too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take big dumps in my gold throne

Wut

[Anonymous]

Enjoy your looks. In hindsight I realize I was gorgeous in my 30s though I never felt like that at the time.
Wear a lot of sun screen.
Travel. Travel. Travel. Travel.

[Anonymous]

Geez, slow down, OP. I'm 55, let me tell you that you sound incredibly frantic for no reason. Just enjoy the day. I know so many people my age who are looking back and thinking "why didn't I just relax and enjoy things more? Why did I think I had to keep making lists?" Don't make your private life a competition. You get enough of that at work.

Pour a glass of wine, sit down and enjoy the sunset. Enjoy a few minutes chatting with your spouse about fun stuff. These are moments you remember 20 years later. I don't remember any "to do" list I ever made, but I remember the times I took to center myself and just unapologetically be in the moment.

[Anonymous]

Having kids will negate anything you do so...

[Anonymous]

There’s a lot of good advice in this thread already. I’d say that when you become a parent, don’t lose yourself entirely to parenting - keep your interests, keep your edge, keep your friends, keep being your husband’s girlfriend. You and your marriage are the foundation of your children’s mental health. Not losing you helps keep it all together and after the years fly by (this year is my son’s senior year of HS) you’ll be in a better place as they move out for college.

Someone else mentioned lifting weights and strength training and staying fit in general. The importance of this cannot be understated. Keeping your strength, flexibilty, mobility, bone density and muscle mass are really important as you age. I’ve also found that I can have a better body and feel better, more confident and more energetic than I did in my 20’s-40’s.

Anyway, take your time and try to enjoy each day. It goes so fast.

[Anonymous]

Work extra hard on your appearance and your relationship with your husband after you have kids. So many kid things seem important at the time but they aren’t in the scheme of things so don’t let it cause stress or tension in your life or marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Work extra hard on your appearance and your relationship with your husband after you have kids. So many kid things seem important at the time but they aren’t in the scheme of things so don’t let it cause stress or tension in your life or marriage.

+1

[Anonymous]

Ugh all this focus on looks. Thumbs down.

Be present. That’s it.

And, don’t get caught up in the Rat Race or keeping up with the Jones’ or basing how you feel on how you look.

[Anonymous]

I'm 50. I'd say, most of all, be kind to yourself, and forgiving of others. Especially your spouse.
Before you make a big decision, ask yourself whether it is in line with your values. Never compromise on that. If you live in alignment with what is true and right, you won't have regrets. (I learned the hard way that the opposite is also true).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would actually advise to not put the pressure on yourself to make every day count.

I feel like carpe diem is fine in theory - and also is a LOT of pressure, and also you'd make different decisions if today were your last day, than if today is another day in a life you're building for yourself, that you hope will be long. Think of how you eat on vacation v how you eat in regular life.

My advice would be to build yourself the life you want to be living, as much as you can. Find out what you like and do those things. Save some for retirement, and spend on things that give you pleasure and make your life easier. Do you like your job? If not, does that matter to you - and if it does, can you spend some time now, figuring out what you would like better and trying to do that instead?

Don't "invest" in too many expensive clothes that may not fit if you put on some weight in your 40s. (!!) But wear all the beautiful things you own now in your regular life. Don't save those shoes or that dress - they are meant for using.

The PP's advice to find exercise you like, and do it, is good. I'm grateful - knock wood - every single day that I love walking, and walk and walk and walk, and have been doing it for decades - and am not having to start from scratch at 50.

In that vein: wear shoes that will make your feet and back happy.

^ But I'd also add: try to let go of the natural anxiety you're probably feeling about 40 being around the bend. My 40s were better than my 30s, which were better than my 20s. I've just turned 50 - my lord! - and I feel guardedly optimistic about this decade, too. Knock wood, you've got a lot of decades left to enjoy yourself.

Previous PP - I'm 51 and think I am feeling better about my 50's than my 40's, but the physical is not a joke.