Feeling Lonely

[Anonymous]

This is growing up, OP.
Fake it til you make it, be the cruise director, make the calls, put yourself out there until someone decides you're their new best friend, or marry someone who you can tag along with.

[Anonymous]

Hi- try to look for highly social events depending on your age and group. Here is what o needed to do to just meet others and hope to make a new friend. Primarily DC based and I am 41.

GW or Howard university talks( check Eventbrite)
rei travel groups( hikes are the best and
Can be co-ed)
running groups (Noma Run Club/Pacers and DCRun)
dinner clubs
foreign language meetups or foreign language classes
Community clean up
Pickle ball
Tennis
Walking tours of any city offered by Airbnb
Any classes in person: cooking, board games, sommelier
Book clubs
Volunteer at the DC state Fair
Volunteer at pet shelters or with horses
Anacostia clean up groups
Join the PTA if you have children
Look for Eventbrite or Google Trivia near you

It is very hard to make friends but even just being around people in small doses can help with loneliness. I get lonely as well but have picked up acquaintances at a number of the events above. I hope this helps you and others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound sympathetic OP but you need to do some honest introspection to see if you’re the problem. I have a not that great friend I meet up with occasionally when she initiates. She’s passive aggressive, competitive, anxious, and just not fun to be around. I know she’s pushed away other friends and feels lonely, so I put up with her. My other friends are pleasant and easygoing and we like hanging out so we meet up often.

Not OP, but I'm like your friend and I'm aware of it. There are reasons for it and it sucks more for me than it does for anyone who "puts up" with me. It doesn't change that I'm lonely.

If you don’t mind my asking, what are the reasons for your behavior? If my friend wasn’t so competitive and always on the offensive, I’d try to get closer and understand where she’s coming from. Right now, I just think she’s a jerk or has a personality disorder.

PP here. Truthfully, I don't think I'm competitive. I'm insecure and often respond defensively to things that people thing are normal conversation, because I have a different background than they do. Like most of our friends have housecleaners, but we do not as we cannot justify it -- I work part time and technically have time to clean. But I don't like that I work part-time, I'm insecure about our finances and wish we had more money, and I would love to have housecleaners.

So I might be talking to a friend who is frustrated with her housecleaner. And I'll nod along at first but then I'll get annoyed and also feel awkward because, uh, I can't relate. So I'll say something like "yeah, I don't know, our house cleaner is super cheap because I clean my own house." And on the one hand this is true and is coming from a place, actually, of feeling defensive. But I know it gets interpreted as me acting superior, because of how I say it, and it sound like I'm being competitive, like "I do sooo much and you just have help." Though typing that out, honestly, that is how I feel -- I do so much and other people have help and I'm frustrated about it. I guess you could say I'm bitter. I don't know.

Point is, I'm in this uncomfortable situation where I feel like I can't relate to the stuff other people talk about and I can't relate to them as a peer, and it makes me defensive and also annoyed, and I know that comes off as competitive and negative. Maybe it is. But it's not because I think I'm better than anyone, it's because I think I'm not as good and it makes me feel bad and all my frustrating behaviors are just kind of an outgrowth of the fact that I feel bad about myself all the time.

Like I said, it sucks more to be me than to be around me, even if that sucks too. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi- try to look for highly social events depending on your age and group. Here is what o needed to do to just meet others and hope to make a new friend. Primarily DC based and I am 41.

GW or Howard university talks( check Eventbrite)
rei travel groups( hikes are the best and
Can be co-ed)
running groups (Noma Run Club/Pacers and DCRun)
dinner clubs
foreign language meetups or foreign language classes
Community clean up
Pickle ball
Tennis
Walking tours of any city offered by Airbnb
Any classes in person: cooking, board games, sommelier
Book clubs
Volunteer at the DC state Fair
Volunteer at pet shelters or with horses
Anacostia clean up groups
Join the PTA if you have children
Look for Eventbrite or Google Trivia near you

It is very hard to make friends but even just being around people in small doses can help with loneliness. I get lonely as well but have picked up acquaintances at a number of the events above. I hope this helps you and others.

These are good suggestions. It took me years of being lonely before I realized nothing would change unless I put myself out there.

Another important thing to do is get off social media. If you want to know what someone's up to, text them. Don't look at the online pics and stew because NOTHING good comes of that. Again, you have to make changes to see change.

[Anonymous]

I look forward to weekends without family or friend commitments. Being social every weekend is exhausting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same. I identify with everything you said. I used to be social with various friend groups. I don’t know what happened…but it’s embarrassing. Everyone is going out with friends and I’m always home alone.

I don't think everyone is going out. I could have written the OP's post and I very much agree that things changed during Covid and there are now a lot of very lonely and disconnected people. (and yes, there are others who are very happy
to no longer have social obligations).

I sometimes feel like I'm alone but then I look at my block. I live in AU Park--neighborhood of families, kids, etc. Known to be super social, etc. Well, on a typical Friday or Saturday night EVERY single family on my block (10 families) is at home. No one is
entertaining. I don't track the cars (no, I'm not a weird stalker) but I typically walk my dog around 7pm down the block and I know the cars (because I know the neighbors and day-after-day you know who drives what, etc). Well there is no one coming or going (all cars are sitting in front of the homes) and no one is ever having a BBQ or back yard party. We're all sitting in our homes.
It's striking. I really think people's socializing has been dialed way back over the past 2-3 years (by choice or not by choice)

[Anonymous]

I am currently ghosting a long-term friend bc I get tired of the jekyl and hyde persona that I experience every time I am with them. Usually occurs after coffee or alcohol. It’s sad bc I know they are desperate for love and they are very kind and charming overall. It’s just the short temper I can’t hack.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but you make friends in college and then your kids friends parents in elementary school. If you haven’t done it by now you aren’t going to have any

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same. I identify with everything you said. I used to be social with various friend groups. I don’t know what happened…but it’s embarrassing. Everyone is going out with friends and I’m always home alone.

I don't think everyone is going out. I could have written the OP's post and I very much agree that things changed during Covid and there are now a lot of very lonely and disconnected people. (and yes, there are others who are very happy
to no longer have social obligations).

I sometimes feel like I'm alone but then I look at my block. I live in AU Park--neighborhood of families, kids, etc. Known to be super social, etc. Well, on a typical Friday or Saturday night EVERY single family on my block (10 families) is at home. No one is
entertaining. I don't track the cars (no, I'm not a weird stalker) but I typically walk my dog around 7pm down the block and I know the cars (because I know the neighbors and day-after-day you know who drives what, etc). Well there is no one coming or going (all cars are sitting in front of the homes) and no one is ever having a BBQ or back yard party. We're all sitting in our homes.
It's striking. I really think people's socializing has been dialed way back over the past 2-3 years (by choice or not by choice)

That’s just your weird block. Everyone I know is out all three days of the weekend including us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same. I identify with everything you said. I used to be social with various friend groups. I don’t know what happened…but it’s embarrassing. Everyone is going out with friends and I’m always home alone.

I don't think everyone is going out. I could have written the OP's post and I very much agree that things changed during Covid and there are now a lot of very lonely and disconnected people. (and yes, there are others who are very happy
to no longer have social obligations).

I sometimes feel like I'm alone but then I look at my block. I live in AU Park--neighborhood of families, kids, etc. Known to be super social, etc. Well, on a typical Friday or Saturday night EVERY single family on my block (10 families) is at home. No one is
entertaining. I don't track the cars (no, I'm not a weird stalker) but I typically walk my dog around 7pm down the block and I know the cars (because I know the neighbors and day-after-day you know who drives what, etc). Well there is no one coming or going (all cars are sitting in front of the homes) and no one is ever having a BBQ or back yard party. We're all sitting in our homes.
It's striking. I really think people's socializing has been dialed way back over the past 2-3 years (by choice or not by choice)

That’s just your weird block. Everyone I know is out all three days of the weekend including us

I cannot relate. That sounds horrible to be out every night like that at this age. Are you in your 20’s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same. I identify with everything you said. I used to be social with various friend groups. I don’t know what happened…but it’s embarrassing. Everyone is going out with friends and I’m always home alone.

I don't think everyone is going out. I could have written the OP's post and I very much agree that things changed during Covid and there are now a lot of very lonely and disconnected people. (and yes, there are others who are very happy
to no longer have social obligations).

I sometimes feel like I'm alone but then I look at my block. I live in AU Park--neighborhood of families, kids, etc. Known to be super social, etc. Well, on a typical Friday or Saturday night EVERY single family on my block (10 families) is at home. No one is
entertaining. I don't track the cars (no, I'm not a weird stalker) but I typically walk my dog around 7pm down the block and I know the cars (because I know the neighbors and day-after-day you know who drives what, etc). Well there is no one coming or going (all cars are sitting in front of the homes) and no one is ever having a BBQ or back yard party. We're all sitting in our homes.
It's striking. I really think people's socializing has been dialed way back over the past 2-3 years (by choice or not by choice)

That’s just your weird block. Everyone I know is out all three days of the weekend including us

I cannot relate. That sounds horrible to be out every night like that at this age. Are you in your 20’s?

DP. In my late 30’s and have some social activity going on both days almost every weekend, not 3 days every weekend like PP, and you get used to it. It’s better than being alone and worth it to socialize our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same. I identify with everything you said. I used to be social with various friend groups. I don’t know what happened…but it’s embarrassing. Everyone is going out with friends and I’m always home alone.

I don't think everyone is going out. I could have written the OP's post and I very much agree that things changed during Covid and there are now a lot of very lonely and disconnected people. (and yes, there are others who are very happy
to no longer have social obligations).

I sometimes feel like I'm alone but then I look at my block. I live in AU Park--neighborhood of families, kids, etc. Known to be super social, etc. Well, on a typical Friday or Saturday night EVERY single family on my block (10 families) is at home. No one is
entertaining. I don't track the cars (no, I'm not a weird stalker) but I typically walk my dog around 7pm down the block and I know the cars (because I know the neighbors and day-after-day you know who drives what, etc). Well there is no one coming or going (all cars are sitting in front of the homes) and no one is ever having a BBQ or back yard party. We're all sitting in our homes.
It's striking. I really think people's socializing has been dialed way back over the past 2-3 years (by choice or not by choice)

That’s just your weird block. Everyone I know is out all three days of the weekend including us

I cannot relate. That sounds horrible to be out every night like that at this age. Are you in your 20’s?

DP. In my late 30’s and have some social activity going on both days almost every weekend, not 3 days every weekend like PP, and you get used to it. It’s better than being alone and worth it to socialize our kids.

The condescension in this post does a good job of explaining why I don’t socialize this much. I don’t want to hang out with people like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same. I identify with everything you said. I used to be social with various friend groups. I don’t know what happened…but it’s embarrassing. Everyone is going out with friends and I’m always home alone.

I don't think everyone is going out. I could have written the OP's post and I very much agree that things changed during Covid and there are now a lot of very lonely and disconnected people. (and yes, there are others who are very happy
to no longer have social obligations).

I sometimes feel like I'm alone but then I look at my block. I live in AU Park--neighborhood of families, kids, etc. Known to be super social, etc. Well, on a typical Friday or Saturday night EVERY single family on my block (10 families) is at home. No one is
entertaining. I don't track the cars (no, I'm not a weird stalker) but I typically walk my dog around 7pm down the block and I know the cars (because I know the neighbors and day-after-day you know who drives what, etc). Well there is no one coming or going (all cars are sitting in front of the homes) and no one is ever having a BBQ or back yard party. We're all sitting in our homes.
It's striking. I really think people's socializing has been dialed way back over the past 2-3 years (by choice or not by choice)

That’s just your weird block. Everyone I know is out all three days of the weekend including us

I cannot relate. That sounds horrible to be out every night like that at this age. Are you in your 20’s?

DP. In my late 30’s and have some social activity going on both days almost every weekend, not 3 days every weekend like PP, and you get used to it. It’s better than being alone and worth it to socialize our kids.

The condescension in this post does a good job of explaining why I don’t socialize this much. I don’t want to hang out with people like this.

Yeah. Also, “socialize our kids” makes it sound like their kids are puppies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same. I identify with everything you said. I used to be social with various friend groups. I don’t know what happened…but it’s embarrassing. Everyone is going out with friends and I’m always home alone.

I don't think everyone is going out. I could have written the OP's post and I very much agree that things changed during Covid and there are now a lot of very lonely and disconnected people. (and yes, there are others who are very happy
to no longer have social obligations).

I sometimes feel like I'm alone but then I look at my block. I live in AU Park--neighborhood of families, kids, etc. Known to be super social, etc. Well, on a typical Friday or Saturday night EVERY single family on my block (10 families) is at home. No one is
entertaining. I don't track the cars (no, I'm not a weird stalker) but I typically walk my dog around 7pm down the block and I know the cars (because I know the neighbors and day-after-day you know who drives what, etc). Well there is no one coming or going (all cars are sitting in front of the homes) and no one is ever having a BBQ or back yard party. We're all sitting in our homes.
It's striking. I really think people's socializing has been dialed way back over the past 2-3 years (by choice or not by choice)

That’s just your weird block. Everyone I know is out all three days of the weekend including us

I cannot relate. That sounds horrible to be out every night like that at this age. Are you in your 20’s?

DP. In my late 30’s and have some social activity going on both days almost every weekend, not 3 days every weekend like PP, and you get used to it. It’s better than being alone and worth it to socialize our kids.

The condescension in this post does a good job of explaining why I don’t socialize this much. I don’t want to hang out with people like this.

Yeah. Also, “socialize our kids” makes it sound like their kids are puppies.

Sorry, but this is why y’all are lonely. And children who are socialized properly are less likely to be lonely and defensive as adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same. I identify with everything you said. I used to be social with various friend groups. I don’t know what happened…but it’s embarrassing. Everyone is going out with friends and I’m always home alone.

I don't think everyone is going out. I could have written the OP's post and I very much agree that things changed during Covid and there are now a lot of very lonely and disconnected people. (and yes, there are others who are very happy
to no longer have social obligations).

I sometimes feel like I'm alone but then I look at my block. I live in AU Park--neighborhood of families, kids, etc. Known to be super social, etc. Well, on a typical Friday or Saturday night EVERY single family on my block (10 families) is at home. No one is
entertaining. I don't track the cars (no, I'm not a weird stalker) but I typically walk my dog around 7pm down the block and I know the cars (because I know the neighbors and day-after-day you know who drives what, etc). Well there is no one coming or going (all cars are sitting in front of the homes) and no one is ever having a BBQ or back yard party. We're all sitting in our homes.
It's striking. I really think people's socializing has been dialed way back over the past 2-3 years (by choice or not by choice)

That’s just your weird block. Everyone I know is out all three days of the weekend including us

I cannot relate. That sounds horrible to be out every night like that at this age. Are you in your 20’s?

DP. In my late 30’s and have some social activity going on both days almost every weekend, not 3 days every weekend like PP, and you get used to it. It’s better than being alone and worth it to socialize our kids.

The condescension in this post does a good job of explaining why I don’t socialize this much. I don’t want to hang out with people like this.

Yeah. Also, “socialize our kids” makes it sound like their kids are puppies.

Sorry, but this is why y’all are lonely. And children who are socialized properly are less likely to be lonely and defensive as adults.

Lol still not talking about puppies, PP