When your kids start staying up later than you do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have always been a night owl. My parents told me I could stay up as late as I wanted but I had to be in my room after 9 pm.

That's ridiculous beyond a certain age. It would be silly to expect my 15 year old to go to his room at 9.

OP, you'll just have to learn to adapt or be awake, I guess. Lock up before you go to bed and tell your kids to clean up any messes they make. My 15 and 13 year old are only interested in snacky food and fruit at night, so they don't make a mess in the kitchen; it's not like they are cooking. They stay inside; they aren't unlocking any doors.

You sound like you live in a house where the kids make the house rules and you abide. It is clear that DH and I make the rules and when the kids buy their own house, they make the rules. Our house rule is everyone upstairs at 9, including us. That's the house wind down time. No screens, no food after this time. My kids already clean up after themselves (another house rule) at 6, 10, and 14 yo, so I don't have to clean anything before I go up. Last person up turns off the lights (another rule). I check the locks, as does DH. We live Georgetown, so we normally leave them locked even during the day, but occasionally the kids leave the backdoor to the yard unlocked.

My 6 yo goes up at 7. The 10 yo up at 8. Everyone else at 9. I'm in bed by 930. My 14 yo will read to all hours of the night, but she is learning the consequences of that behavior, so hopefully soon she'll be more responsible. She doesn't have a "bed time".

This is OP and this sounds insane. 9pm?!? Many nights my DH isn't done working until 10pm in his home office. You require everyone to go upstairs at 9pm every night? That sounds depressing.

I'm the PP. I understand not everyone has the same circadian rhythm. We wake up between 430 and 5; the kids between 6 and 630. This is necessary for us. Sleep, nutrition, and exercise are important. I would allow a sport/job/activity where they are coming home at 9 (other dangers to be considered). Kids are in private and most sports are directly after school, which is helpful. In the summer kids do day activities or sleepaway camp. Most sleep away camps have similar rules to ours, actually camps are more strict "lights out".

As for us- only on rare occasions do I work in the evenings (maybe 2x/yr). DH never does as his own boundary. We aren't workaholics. Maybe we're balancaholics, because we ruthlessly enforce balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have always been a night owl. My parents told me I could stay up as late as I wanted but I had to be in my room after 9 pm.

That's ridiculous beyond a certain age. It would be silly to expect my 15 year old to go to his room at 9.

OP, you'll just have to learn to adapt or be awake, I guess. Lock up before you go to bed and tell your kids to clean up any messes they make. My 15 and 13 year old are only interested in snacky food and fruit at night, so they don't make a mess in the kitchen; it's not like they are cooking. They stay inside; they aren't unlocking any doors.

You sound like you live in a house where the kids make the house rules and you abide. It is clear that DH and I make the rules and when the kids buy their own house, they make the rules. Our house rule is everyone upstairs at 9, including us. That's the house wind down time. No screens, no food after this time. My kids already clean up after themselves (another house rule) at 6, 10, and 14 yo, so I don't have to clean anything before I go up. Last person up turns off the lights (another rule). I check the locks, as does DH. We live Georgetown, so we normally leave them locked even during the day, but occasionally the kids leave the backdoor to the yard unlocked.

My 6 yo goes up at 7. The 10 yo up at 8. Everyone else at 9. I'm in bed by 930. My 14 yo will read to all hours of the night, but she is learning the consequences of that behavior, so hopefully soon she'll be more responsible. She doesn't have a "bed time".

This is OP and this sounds insane. 9pm?!? Many nights my DH isn't done working until 10pm in his home office. You require everyone to go upstairs at 9pm every night? That sounds depressing.

What’s insane is that you can’t grasp that other people might have different schedules than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have always been a night owl. My parents told me I could stay up as late as I wanted but I had to be in my room after 9 pm.

That's ridiculous beyond a certain age. It would be silly to expect my 15 year old to go to his room at 9.

OP, you'll just have to learn to adapt or be awake, I guess. Lock up before you go to bed and tell your kids to clean up any messes they make. My 15 and 13 year old are only interested in snacky food and fruit at night, so they don't make a mess in the kitchen; it's not like they are cooking. They stay inside; they aren't unlocking any doors.

You sound like you live in a house where the kids make the house rules and you abide. It is clear that DH and I make the rules and when the kids buy their own house, they make the rules. Our house rule is everyone upstairs at 9, including us. That's the house wind down time. No screens, no food after this time. My kids already clean up after themselves (another house rule) at 6, 10, and 14 yo, so I don't have to clean anything before I go up. Last person up turns off the lights (another rule). I check the locks, as does DH. We live Georgetown, so we normally leave them locked even during the day, but occasionally the kids leave the backdoor to the yard unlocked.

My 6 yo goes up at 7. The 10 yo up at 8. Everyone else at 9. I'm in bed by 930. My 14 yo will read to all hours of the night, but she is learning the consequences of that behavior, so hopefully soon she'll be more responsible. She doesn't have a "bed time".

This is OP and this sounds insane. 9pm?!? Many nights my DH isn't done working until 10pm in his home office. You require everyone to go upstairs at 9pm every night? That sounds depressing.

What’s insane is that you can’t grasp that other people might have different schedules than you.

OP - I concede that people have different schedules than me.

For the PP who always is upstairs by 9pm - do you ever have guests over? Do you do anything in the evenings with friends or family? Are you always in bed 100% of the time by 9pm? I am a big believer in bedtimes for my kids and they all get around 10-12 hours of sleep a day. When they were little I strictly enforced their bed times but now that they are a little older (oldest is only 8!) we are more relaxed with bedtimes, especially on weekends when we are visiting friends or have people over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm more worried about ever being intimate again.

Everyone has to be asleep before you do it? Get over your sexual hang ups. Be quiet and respectful, then close & lock your door, and have at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm more worried about ever being intimate again.

This is a reality. Good news is when they are teens they really aren’t home so you can phuck all you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm more worried about ever being intimate again.

This is a reality. Good news is when they are teens they really aren’t home so you can phuck all you want.

This morning dh and I had a quickie while my kids were at swim practice. When there's a Will there's a way

[Anonymous]

Just FYI, I was on a video chat the other day with my two adult kids, son and daughter, and they were laughingly telling me about all the different times they snuck out at night, how they got away with it, how their friends got away with it, where they went and what they did, what fun it was, etc.

I was a mom who was more savvy and aware of this type of possibility than most other moms I knew, not in denial about it ("not my kids!") and yet.....they did it and got away with it and I was not aware. Even though I snuck out when I was a teen too.

I wonder now, do most parents just not care about this? And by the way, I have always been one who stays up late myself.

[Anonymous]

You adapt as they change. It doesn't happen over night, and you may not really notice it. Right now, our oldest works late shifts and comes home after we are asleep. He knows how to close up the house for the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just FYI, I was on a video chat the other day with my two adult kids, son and daughter, and they were laughingly telling me about all the different times they snuck out at night, how they got away with it, how their friends got away with it, where they went and what they did, what fun it was, etc.

I was a mom who was more savvy and aware of this type of possibility than most other moms I knew, not in denial about it ("not my kids!") and yet.....they did it and got away with it and I was not aware. Even though I snuck out when I was a teen too.

I wonder now, do most parents just not care about this? And by the way, I have always been one who stays up late myself.

For a lot of kids this is much harder to get away with because our phones alert us when doors and windows have been opened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just FYI, I was on a video chat the other day with my two adult kids, son and daughter, and they were laughingly telling me about all the different times they snuck out at night, how they got away with it, how their friends got away with it, where they went and what they did, what fun it was, etc.

I was a mom who was more savvy and aware of this type of possibility than most other moms I knew, not in denial about it ("not my kids!") and yet.....they did it and got away with it and I was not aware. Even though I snuck out when I was a teen too.

I wonder now, do most parents just not care about this? And by the way, I have always been one who stays up late myself.

If you raise honest kids with integrity this isn't a concern. I was one of these kids and my kids are also these types of kids..... we do exist.

[Anonymous]

I have an absent minded teen and I lock the doors before I go to bed at night (really the door is locked all day...). As to lights and messes, sometimes he forgets but it's not a big deal. To me, the worst part is having no downtime alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have always been a night owl. My parents told me I could stay up as late as I wanted but I had to be in my room after 9 pm.

That's ridiculous beyond a certain age. It would be silly to expect my 15 year old to go to his room at 9.

OP, you'll just have to learn to adapt or be awake, I guess. Lock up before you go to bed and tell your kids to clean up any messes they make. My 15 and 13 year old are only interested in snacky food and fruit at night, so they don't make a mess in the kitchen; it's not like they are cooking. They stay inside; they aren't unlocking any doors.

You sound like you live in a house where the kids make the house rules and you abide. It is clear that DH and I make the rules and when the kids buy their own house, they make the rules. Our house rule is everyone upstairs at 9, including us. That's the house wind down time. No screens, no food after this time. My kids already clean up after themselves (another house rule) at 6, 10, and 14 yo, so I don't have to clean anything before I go up. Last person up turns off the lights (another rule). I check the locks, as does DH. We live Georgetown, so we normally leave them locked even during the day, but occasionally the kids leave the backdoor to the yard unlocked.

My 6 yo goes up at 7. The 10 yo up at 8. Everyone else at 9. I'm in bed by 930. My 14 yo will read to all hours of the night, but she is learning the consequences of that behavior, so hopefully soon she'll be more responsible. She doesn't have a "bed time".

This is OP and this sounds insane. 9pm?!? Many nights my DH isn't done working until 10pm in his home office. You require everyone to go upstairs at 9pm every night? That sounds depressing.

What’s insane is that you can’t grasp that other people might have different schedules than you.

OP - I concede that people have different schedules than me.

For the PP who always is upstairs by 9pm - do you ever have guests over? Do you do anything in the evenings with friends or family? Are you always in bed 100% of the time by 9pm? I am a big believer in bedtimes for my kids and they all get around 10-12 hours of sleep a day. When they were little I strictly enforced their bed times but now that they are a little older (oldest is only 8!) we are more relaxed with bedtimes, especially on weekends when we are visiting friends or have people over.

Yes, we have guests. Most of our guests are family and have similar schedules. With our friends come for dinner, we arrange an 'early dinner' and usually we stay up until 10. Most people close to us know our values, so it's never been a problem. When we go to friends' houses or "out", it's similar - we're normally in bed by 10. Again it's not a problem. We're sporty and most athletic people very much value rest.... unless they're childless. When we didn't have kids the world was different. Now we don't want to sacrifice our health for kids or work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your perspective will change when they’re older. You wont worry about them being up bc they wont need enough supervision. I would even worry about this now.

+1 I have two teens and I can’t imagine them going to bed before me anymore. They just know to be quiet since I’m a light sleeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now my kids are little (8 years old and younger) so I put them to bed every night and then I have an hour or so to myself or with my spouse until we go to bed. We are usually upstairs around 10:30 at the latest. I assume at some point my kids might be staying up later than we do. How do you handle things like locking up and making sure everything is cleaned up? Right now I clean up everything after the kids go to bed (they help with their stuff before bed), wipe down all the counters, make sure dishes are put away and the house is tidy before bed.

I also don't know if I will be able to fall asleep knowing someone is awake downstairs. Whenever a kid wakes up before me in the mornings I can literally feel the house shift and then I wake up and go downstairs. Even if its my older child who is perfectly find by herself for 30 mins in the morning I cannot fall back asleep once I know she is awake.

Land the chopper, Mom. You're borrowing trouble.
Teens will go into the kitchen after you go to bed - precisely because they don't want to see/talk to you. They may leave crumbs on the counter. You will live. This will be the very least of your worries when you have a teen.

Ffs I can't believe you all dont train your kids to clean after themselves! We even have a live in maid and my kids grew up learning how to clean after themselves. I agree the worries are more psychosocial, nothing to do with bed times. Although a good night time route helps them regulate the psychosocial.

Wait, I'm still on "live-in maid" LOL!!!! You sound like a total nutjob

[Anonymous]

There will come a time when they will come in and kiss YOU goodnight. It’s kind of sweet. I don’t care about the counters. They get wiped tonight or tomorrow. Life is too short for stress about that.