Reasonable limit on communication with former emotional affair partner?

[Anonymous]

If you don’t go no contact, your spouse should leave you.

[Anonymous]

You can't have any contact bc first of all, you will need learn what you need to know unless you do. Hard to explain but you have to let it go to get your composure back and heal. And you can't resume, esp if the connection was that strong in the first place. The other person will then undergo a shame spiral unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

N O C O N T A C T ! ! ! !
Jesus, how is this a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t go no contact, your spouse should leave you.

Absolutely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t go no contact, your spouse should leave you.

Still unclear if the OP is the person who had the EA or the spouse of a person who had the EA. Also unclear who this "third party" is that OP values so highly, he or she would jeopardize their marriage, by being OK with contact between two EA cheaters, in order to maintain a friendship with this person.

Very cagey, vague wording in the OP's post.

OP if you want useful answers, especially about your confusing "third party friendship," please come back and clarify. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

The only answer is none, zero, nada, scorched earth.

[Anonymous]

Emotional affair sounds made up and is amorphous and abstract enough to be totally different in the eye of the beholder. Unless there is planning to break up the existing marriage, sexting, or plans to meet up for sex, no rubicons have been crossed. If you react like it was a real affair, you risk pushing the partner into a real affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Emotional affair sounds made up and is amorphous and abstract enough to be totally different in the eye of the beholder. Unless there is planning to break up the existing marriage, sexting, or plans to meet up for sex, no rubicons have been crossed. If you react like it was a real affair, you risk pushing the partner into a real affair.

Not OP, but: Clearly you have never had any experience of an emotional affair even as an observer, much less a participant. They're real things and can be almost as damaging as sexual affairs. You're right about one thing, though: After an EA is uncovered or admitted, the cheater and their spouse has to proceed with caution to avoid pushing the two cheaters back together again.

You seem focused solely on sex as a "real affair." But emotional affairs violate the intimacy of the marriage, and intimacy is not merely about sex. Intense intimacy without sex can be as big a betrayal, or bigger, than a sexual betrayal, for some people. You might want to learn more so you aren't so dismissive:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/nov/01/emotional-infidelity-the-devastating-destructive-love-affairs-that-involve-no-sex-at-all
There is no paywall so anyone should be able to access this article.

[Anonymous]

OP, yes - no contact. Block their number, remove from social media, etc. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

There is no way the OP is talking about his/her spouse and trying to strategize retaining their contact with EAP. There is nothing to gain there. OP, clarify?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotional affair sounds made up and is amorphous and abstract enough to be totally different in the eye of the beholder. Unless there is planning to break up the existing marriage, sexting, or plans to meet up for sex, no rubicons have been crossed. If you react like it was a real affair, you risk pushing the partner into a real affair.

Not OP, but: Clearly you have never had any experience of an emotional affair even as an observer, much less a participant. They're real things and can be almost as damaging as sexual affairs. You're right about one thing, though: After an EA is uncovered or admitted, the cheater and their spouse has to proceed with caution to avoid pushing the two cheaters back together again.

You seem focused solely on sex as a "real affair." But emotional affairs violate the intimacy of the marriage, and intimacy is not merely about sex. Intense intimacy without sex can be as big a betrayal, or bigger, than a sexual betrayal, for some people. You might want to learn more so you aren't so dismissive:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/nov/01/emotional-infidelity-the-devastating-destructive-love-affairs-that-involve-no-sex-at-all
There is no paywall so anyone should be able to access this article.

Thanks for posting. The article convinced me that emotional affairs are BS. An emotional affair between two straight women! It sounds like there are two offenders in every emotional affair: the oversharer and the jealous partner.

The world is going to hell based on the view that there are multiple conflicting truths/facts and multiple realities that exist at the same time. There is no objective truth, facts are based on feelings and beliefs. So if a spouse thinks there’s an emotional affair, it must be true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotional affair sounds made up and is amorphous and abstract enough to be totally different in the eye of the beholder. Unless there is planning to break up the existing marriage, sexting, or plans to meet up for sex, no rubicons have been crossed. If you react like it was a real affair, you risk pushing the partner into a real affair.

Not OP, but: Clearly you have never had any experience of an emotional affair even as an observer, much less a participant. They're real things and can be almost as damaging as sexual affairs. You're right about one thing, though: After an EA is uncovered or admitted, the cheater and their spouse has to proceed with caution to avoid pushing the two cheaters back together again.

You seem focused solely on sex as a "real affair." But emotional affairs violate the intimacy of the marriage, and intimacy is not merely about sex. Intense intimacy without sex can be as big a betrayal, or bigger, than a sexual betrayal, for some people. You might want to learn more so you aren't so dismissive:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/nov/01/emotional-infidelity-the-devastating-destructive-love-affairs-that-involve-no-sex-at-all
There is no paywall so anyone should be able to access this article.

Thanks for posting. The article convinced me that emotional affairs are BS. An emotional affair between two straight women! It sounds like there are two offenders in every emotional affair: the oversharer and the jealous partner.

The world is going to hell based on the view that there are multiple conflicting truths/facts and multiple realities that exist at the same time. There is no objective truth, facts are based on feelings and beliefs. So if a spouse thinks there’s an emotional affair, it must be true!

Believe whatever works for you, then. Therapists and couples counselors will say that yes, there is such a thing as an emotional affair. Your approval or disapproval of the concept is meaningless to those who have experienced this--and meaningless to the professionals who deal with couples going through it. But you're living in the real world, with zero "conflicting truths," so enjoy your self-righteousness all you like!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way the OP is talking about his/her spouse and trying to strategize retaining their contact with EAP. There is nothing to gain there. OP, clarify?

Interesting that OP hasn't returned to clarify seeing as so many posts here are saying the post is vague and confusing. Of course, maybe OP just went ahead and took the core advice here, and is busy ensuring the AP's contact information is not only blocked but also deleted, everywhere, permanently. And is busy booking some serious couples therapy, perhaps.

[Anonymous]

Remember how it is when you haven’t seen your best friend from high school for 8 years and you pick right up as if not a moment has passed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember how it is when you haven’t seen your best friend from high school for 8 years and you pick right up as if not a moment has passed?

Great analogy