Extreme picky eating- what has worked for you
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Anonymous
I wrote the big long post above and this is a good approach. Smoothies and baked goods with healthy ingredients have been a godsend, because a major aspect of my kid's picky eating is textures. I learned the protein content for a bunch of different baked goods a long time ago. Muffins, pancakes, waffles, and breads can be a good source of protein. In addition to teaching them about getting protein and fruits/veggies every day, teach them about FIBER. This was something my picky eater understood pretty easily -- you need fiber so you can poop, and more processed some of your foods are (even homemade breads and muffins) the more important it is to eat raw, fibrous foods to maintain digestive health. Most picky eaters have had at least one memorable bout of constipation, so this is something they understand implicitly, and it can get them more interested in those pears and apples. |
Anonymous
+1 I was ADHD and an extremely picky eater and outgrew it in late adolescence now eat most things. I mean my list of things I don’t eat is probably longer than some peoples but it’s not obtrusive or limiting to me or others in any way. |
Anonymous
| OP here- wow thank you all this has been really helpful. Almost every success we've had in partnering with her has been when we've backed off, she doesn't do well under pressure. Maybe for a week I'll just try a reset and not talk about food at all. |
Anonymous
| My DS was extremely picky and like PPs, we opted for stress-free, relaxed mealtimes and let him eat his preferred foods. As time went on, we gradually expanded - so if he liked nuggets, we tried chicken cutlets, and if he liked chicken cutlets, we tried chicken Parmesan, or if he liked burgers, we tried meatloaf, etc. |
Anonymous
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Another ARFID mom here... all I can add is that beyond your frustration with your kid (and worry they are not getting the nutrients they need) there is a social cost to this. Other parents, grandparents shame you, the parent, for "giving in" and the kid "for trying to get special attention or being difficult on purpose." Protect your kid from this. As your kid gets older, other kids notice and start to bother them about it. Finally being diagnosed with ARFID around age 12 has been a good thing for my kid because now kid has the why. We can manage expectations on sleepovers, plan strategies for dinners out, bring safe foods with us on travel, etc. It seems to be an anxiety/sensory/OCD related thing and often there was some sort of precipitating event or events (i.e. my kid had severe croup and almost suffocated as a young child and as a baby had cord wrapped around neck four times). My kid is in therapy for this and wants to "get better" - we are gradually introducing new foods. It is slow going, but otherwise kid is thriving.
Also, I have many other kids and fed them all the same, and the rest of them are completely "normal" eaters. So this is nature not nurture. |
Anonymous
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So this might sound like it’s coming out of left field but if you haven’t tried it, keep an open mind and give it a try.
Ruminate meat is some of the most bioavailable sources of nutrition for humans. Have you fed your child a nice fatty rib eye? How about lamb chops? Give it a try for a day or two. Pick up a pack of rib eyes at Costco and cook up a steak with salt and butter. The fat in the meat is essential for brain development and hormonal balance. The amino acids found in the steak are essential and not found in pasta, plants etc. If your child refuses, you and your partner will get a nice meal. I bet your kid will love it though. |
Anonymous
My DD was very picky. A calm friendly family dinner was very important to us so I generally provided something she would eat (not short order to her requests but give her a plain version or leftovers from another night). She did improve over time but the biggest leap came in college when she moved off campus and was in complete control of the whole thing...grocery shopping, menu selection, prep. I do not think I could have provided the same circumstance to her as a child. I did try including her in cooking etc but that did not help. |
Anonymous
We are similar. My youngest fell behind on his weight curve at 3 so I got into baking stuff with "additions" he wouldn't notice - catering to his pickiness more than trying to overcome it. Lots of zucchini bread with wheat flour and flax seeds, popsicles and pudding with Greek yogurt and occasionally protein powder, and attempts at black bean and chickpea-based cookies and brownies that were mostly rejected (would work better for a kid who doesn't hate nut butters.) I would also stir extra butter, olive oil, etc into every serving of pasta and serve whole milk at every meal. We have also started buying meat more regularly, we were an almost vegetarian household for almost a decade but if that's the only way my kid will eat protein, fine. Still struggling with both of my kids refusing all vegetables, and sometimes i worry that the safe food thing keeps them from trying anything new, but I think we're in better territory as far as weight gain. Some nights this winter when we were worried, I'd let him have toast after a dinner he refused, and I've been able to stop doing that and just offer more of the same dinner if he's still hungry. |
Anonymous
| Any suggestions for a great OT or SLP in NoVA area? |
Anonymous
Respectfully, you don’t belong on this thread. We don’t have kids like this because we haven’t tried lamb chops. |
Anonymous
As a parent of a kid with an extreme eating disorder, I hate when people say stuff like this. Do people really think we havent tried every single food on the planet? It’s so condescending. |
Anonymous
I disagree. I thought it was a good idea and I for one am thankful for the suggestion. Just because it doesn't fall into what your family needs doesn't mean it can't help someone else. |
Anonymous
| Does your child like to help you cook/bake? Sometimes that can lead to them tasting and trying stuff (with no pressure of course). I also sneak fats into my foods - like avocado or olive oil into smoothies. I keep foods super simple and put the food on sectioned plates so nothing touches (she is 4). So if we are having tacos, she gets meat, corn and broken up taco pieces on the divided plate. My DD can have a "hungry choice" prior to going to bed if she still feels like she wants to eat (usually like a banana, toast, smoothie or leftovers). My DD eats all kinds of vegetables but doesn't like protein. Her food list is decent but she is definitely dropping food and is pretty picky. She won't eat chicken nuggets anymore, for example. I try not to make a big deal. She does eat better when we go out to eat. |
Anonymous
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I used some of the techniques in the book, Just Take a Bite. It's geared for kids/families that have far more significant SN than my DS had but I found a number of the techniques in the back really helpful. It, at least, got my kid to allow non-preferred foods on the table and his plate. Eventually, I could even get him to take a bite of some things once he really understood I'd let him spit it out.
DS is now 20, has a far more varied diet and is far less reactive. He became more willing to try new things as he got older, particularly things that smell mouthwatering delicious like rotisserie chicken. Another thing that made a huge difference was his first girlfriend who liked to cook - although I recognize most kids here are waaaay too young and it's not anything you can control! https://www.amazon.com/s?k=just+take+a+bite&hvadid=174261425667&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9059726&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=1844739433003483125&hvtargid=kwd-454235885&hydadcr=22535_9636730&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_e44a1peo5_e |
Anonymous
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2 things helped us
1- my dc took a kids cooking class. It was an after school activity. The “chef” was really fun/personable and the kids all had to try the food they made. 2- we had an after school babysitter who liked to cook and included dc in the activity. I guess the theme here is “food as a fun activity” and not part of a required sit down meal. Also, when the babysitter cooked, the house smelled so good for hours, that dc was inclined to taste the food because the smell drove interest. |