Extreme picky eating- what has worked for you
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Anonymous
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Four year old DD has ADHD. We're in OT and therapy, both of which are helping but it's only been a few months. Her picky eating is getting worse though and I don't know what to do. We're waiting on a ped apt to see if there's yet another specialist she should see. In the meantime I'm willing to try anything. It seems like a lot of the advice I've read is just not right for ADHD kids. I have three kids so I get the whole "your job to offer" etc strategy, but DD will just not eat. Lately even "safe" foods like pizza she's refusing.
Has anyone found strategies that have worked for you? |
Anonymous
| Patience. Got better as kid got older and now as a teen will try anything. |
Anonymous
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Has she been evaluated for ARFID? My oldest has that, and my youngest has many features but never officially diagnosed. Honestly what worked for us was removing the pressure of trying new things (while still having opportunities) and making sure their safe foods were always available to them (though we did try to rotate so they didn't get sick of things). We got lots of lectures from in-laws about "catering" to them and blah, blah, but both of my kids have gradually become less picky and both have maintained healthy weights. My oldest is a 6 foot athlete who doesn't eat fruit or vegetables. He does eat a variety of dairy and chicken.
What kind of strategies are you using now? |
Anonymous
I feel like we do all the strategies they suggest- we always offer a safe food, we don't pressure, we don't bribe. It just still doesn't seem to be working. I'm not even set on her trying new foods, at this point I just want her to eat anything at all. It's like it's getting more and more restrictive. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like it’s time to start with a feeding clinic. For us, we got to the point where the single goal was enough calories regardless of their source. |
Anonymous
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What is her weight trajectory? My kids both have ADHD and were picky eaters (it got better! They are 18-19 now and both eat most things and are willing to try just about anything).
I recall my son being (to me) skin-and-bones at 7 years old but his dr. showed me that he was doing fine on his weight/height chart. He was somehow getting enough at breakfast and lunch and apparently just wasn't hungry at dinner even though We were strict about limiting afternoon snacks. My DD is 18 and still often isn't hungry for dinner. However, if she is falling off her growth trajectory, I agree that consulting a feeding clinic would be a good idea. |
Anonymous
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No advice but my DD was the same and it’s gotten worse. She’s now 15. She eats no vegetables or fruit at all (can’t even be on the table).
She’s been diagnosed with ARFID, but she’s about 40 pounds overweight and does not have (that we know of) any vitamin deficiencies. She eats rice, pasta (a lot of pasta), cheese, salmon, chicken nuggets (sometimes), hamburger and Turkey burgers. That’s it. Other than candy, chips and cookies which we don’t have in the house but she loves when she’s out. We tried a lot of approaches when she was younger but never went to a feeding clinic or anything like that. Now, we went to a dietitian who specializes in ARFID or ARFID-like eating and she said that our DD needs to want to change, and she doesn’t. So we offer safe foods, we always have a variety of other things available, and we have given up any pressure otherwise. |
Anonymous
| Took about 13 years to outgrow some of it. Still fairly picky. |
Anonymous
Same poster - child has severe nut allergies and had some reactions / accidental injestion as a child. Very well could fit the definition of ARFID. Child had no interest in eating so would skip meals if not offered preferred foods. |
Anonymous
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Are you on Instagram? There’s a woman @kids.eat.in.color and she recommends all the things you’re doing already - but she also has a class called Better Bites that’s aimed at helping extremely picky eaters try new things.
She has a call in a few days I think if you sign up for it to see if it might be helpful for your situation. My son is also picky, and was much older by the time we found her so I can’t speak for the class itself. It’s hard having a picky eater though. I’m sorry. |
Anonymous
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I totally get how frustrating this is, and how the usual advice just doesn't work for some kids.
What has worked for us is to sit down and make a list of all the foods she likes to eat. You can include things on there that she only eats sometimes or only likes a little of, too. But everything she likes to eat (btw, if the list is extremely short, like 10 foods or less, she probably does have ARFID and should be evaluated). We then took this list and planned a variety of "safe" meals we could reliably and easily feed her. To the extent possible, we tried to overlap with our own dinners so that she got the experience of eating the same foods as us, but realistically what this looked like was that we would have have a Thai curry with rice, and she'd have the rice with some yogurt, strawberries, and green peas. Once you get into a rhythm of serving these safe meals, make a second list of foods you think she might be willing to try based on current preferences, and start offering very small amounts of these with the safe meals. So like our kid liked white rice, so we tried yellow and black rice, quinoa, couscous, and lentils. Don't make a big deal of it and don't force them to try. We discovered she liked seasoned yellow rice and couscous, and would eat lentils WITH rice but not on their own. To be clear, this took YEARS. We started with about 18 foods she'd eat and she ate some variation of those 18 foods in different combination for almost three full years, barely adding any new foods but consistently seeing them and having them on her plate. And then she started trying them, and then she started actually liking and requesting them. But if her pickiness started at age 3, and we started this method at age 4.5, I'd say things started to improve noticeably shortly before 6. She is still a picky eater, but it's now possible to take her to other people's homes or out to a restaurant without bringing food, for instance. And I stress a lot less about her getting a varied diet. She even eats some vegetables now (she ate zero vegetables at age 4) though in fairly small amounts (like 1-2 green beans). One thing to remind yourself throughout the process is that it is ok to do it in a way that helps you stay calm and doesn't stress you out too much. For us that meant we prepared a separate meal for her pretty much every night for years (and still do) because it was easier than trying to convince her to eat our food, or trying to craft a meal for normal eaters from the very limited list of things she would eat. People will frown on this and say that giving her a separate meal was making her picky, but I was in the trenches and knew the problem was bigger than that, and it honestly saved my sanity. |
Anonymous
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I have a child with ARFID. 4 is a great age for feeding therapy. In the meantime, I agree with the recommendation by the previous poster about taking all pressure off trying new foods. Make meals fun for a while to reset. Don’t bug her to eat. My child always did worse when there was pressure. She started in feeding therapy just being around new foods and touching them a tiny bit. I see posters on here saying their kids will eat all sorts of things at feeding therapy- that was not our experience. It’s taken years and years. We would be delighted if she ate a pancake instead of a waffle- that was a huge step. Eventually she got to the point she could find something to eat on most children’s menus. She has always eaten some fruit, so I just gave her tons of the things she would eat. But the biggest thing is I try not to let it affect my relationship with my kids. I think it’s served us well.
Keep an eye on weight and also nutritional deficiencies. Even if she takes a vitamin the kids vitamins can lack iron. We never had to do a feeding tube, thank goodness, but there is a ton of help out there if you need it. I am sending you lots of wishes for peace and good luck. |
Anonymous
| PP here - my kids eat a lot of baked goods. Lots of muffins with some whole wheat flour, things with Nutella on them. I get in nutrition where I can. My kids are super active so I don’t worry about weight gain right now (sort of the opposite especially) but we do emphasize that ideally you eat some or protein and fruit or vegetables every day. The younger one basically won’t eat vegetables but I think the sooner you can introduce the idea that you do need more than just carbs the better, but again in a low key way. Many days the only produce the younger one eats is a banana or a few grapes. It’s better than nothing. |
Anonymous
| Read the book Food Chaining and find an OT or SLP that specializes in feeding. |
Anonymous
PP here. Have you tried just offering safe foods? And letting her eat on her own schedule? Sometimes just having the nonsafe choices available can feel like pressure to kids. Early on we also did a lot of meals separate. Fed kids alone whenever and they were hungry, let them choose the food, and let them watch TV if they wanted. That sort of goes against the usual advice of having choices, but we found our pickiest kid usually ate more if it was on his own terms. Especially when they are little and don't need that many calories, "dinner" might be a yogurt and some goldfish. We also allowed a hella amount of sweets. Because calories. Of course you already know you can't tell other people about this (except a trusted professional) or you will get the lectures on how you are Doing It Wrong. But this seemed to be the way to go with my kids. Also, there are some groups for parents on Facebook. Mealtime Hostage is one (tends to be more focused on their methodology) and ARFID Parents/Carers Support Group is another. |