I asked out a 19/20 year old girl today who I thought was a grown adult woman

[Anonymous]

OP, you did nothing wrong (and I am an overprotective mom of a rising first year college student). first, you have no idea about her age. maybe she was in the military, travelled the world or whatever and did not go to college after HS. You had a decent conversation and asked if you could contact her, did not jump on her. she said no and you were basically nice about it. as long as you dont bother her again, that's fine. if she looks older than her age, this may have happened before. i always looked much younger than my age and I had similar issues with people much younger then me. you are not a creep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel gross.

I’m a 42 y/o divorced dad and live in a leafy UMC neighborhood. I WFH full time. For the past few weeks/months I’ve seen someone who looked to be a woman in her 30s speed walking and occasionally running in my neighborhood. She is about 5”3 and wears dark sunglasses, baseball cap, shorts, running sneakers & a tank top. Has long brown hair & is in amazing shape from what I could tell based on looking at her.

Anyway, I was out walking today and saw her. I must’ve startled her by walking far behind her on the same sidewalk. She looked behind, and that’s when I finally decided I would make a move. She looked a little startled, but I introduced myself and we both kept walking together. She quickly started chatting with me, and I complimented her on her walking/running. We were talking about how nice it was out & how hilly the neighborhood is. She spoke like a grown adult & seemed very confident. Anyway, as I was about to make a turn on my route after a few blocks, I asked her if she’d like to meet again and if there was any way I could contact her. She kindly but swiftly shut that down; she said “That is nice of you, but I am going back to college for the summer next week. Good luck with your walking” I said thank you and made a turn.

This girl was probably 19 years old & taking walks from her parents house. I feel like a creep.

That's because you are a creep.

DP. By your standard, there is literally no circumstance in which it’s okay to approach someone & ask them out on a date/walk.

Yes. If the approacher is a man. If it's a woman, then it's "you go girl".

You'll notice that in the threads where women ask where to meet men. People will offer up places like work, the gym, etc. But definitely not OK for a man to do that.

I’m a woman, and you’re free to ask me out anywhere that has an escape valve. So a busy city neighborhood, on any kind of transportation, running group, coffee shop, restaurant, at a play etc lots of places.

Don’t ask me out while I’m hiking in the middle of a state park or outside in the dark. If I’d have to run far to get away from you, don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

Omg I read the title wrong and reread your OP 3 times to see where she suggested you were a grown woman (not a man) 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel gross.

I’m a 42 y/o divorced dad and live in a leafy UMC neighborhood. I WFH full time. For the past few weeks/months I’ve seen someone who looked to be a woman in her 30s speed walking and occasionally running in my neighborhood. She is about 5”3 and wears dark sunglasses, baseball cap, shorts, running sneakers & a tank top. Has long brown hair & is in amazing shape from what I could tell based on looking at her.

Anyway, I was out walking today and saw her. I must’ve startled her by walking far behind her on the same sidewalk. She looked behind, and that’s when I finally decided I would make a move. She looked a little startled, but I introduced myself and we both kept walking together. She quickly started chatting with me, and I complimented her on her walking/running. We were talking about how nice it was out & how hilly the neighborhood is. She spoke like a grown adult & seemed very confident. Anyway, as I was about to make a turn on my route after a few blocks, I asked her if she’d like to meet again and if there was any way I could contact her. She kindly but swiftly shut that down; she said “That is nice of you, but I am going back to college for the summer next week. Good luck with your walking” I said thank you and made a turn.

This girl was probably 19 years old & taking walks from her parents house. I feel like a creep.

That's because you are a creep.

DP. By your standard, there is literally no circumstance in which it’s okay to approach someone & ask them out on a date/walk.

NP and a woman. By her standard, the guys who are NOT creeps should only approach middle aged, frumpy and overweight women.

There is a lot between “frumpy” and “maybe she’s a really hot 40 year old who just happens to look like she’s 18.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:aww., OP. You're fine. You didn't know.

FWIW, my friend has a DD who is tall - 5'7" at 13, and some 18 yr old college boy thought she was in college and hit on her.

Someone once thought I was a grad student at the local university when I was 11. They told me they thought I looked too old to be an undergrad. I guess you never really know!

[Anonymous]

I mean, she could have been a graduate student, but did you REALLY think she was in her 30s?

That's the only part of this story that rings false to me, particularly since we know that men see their "potential" dating pool as stretching quite low.

[Anonymous]

OP you’re fine. You saw someone attractive, politely asked her out, and were a nice guy when she said no. This is just called being a nice human being. If half the creepy guys out there behaved like you, the world would be a nicer place.

Tune out the noise in our weird society right now and the lunatics on this thread. You’re good.

- mom of a daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel gross.

I’m a 42 y/o divorced dad and live in a leafy UMC neighborhood. I WFH full time. For the past few weeks/months I’ve seen someone who looked to be a woman in her 30s speed walking and occasionally running in my neighborhood. She is about 5”3 and wears dark sunglasses, baseball cap, shorts, running sneakers & a tank top. Has long brown hair & is in amazing shape from what I could tell based on looking at her.

Anyway, I was out walking today and saw her. I must’ve startled her by walking far behind her on the same sidewalk. She looked behind, and that’s when I finally decided I would make a move. She looked a little startled, but I introduced myself and we both kept walking together. She quickly started chatting with me, and I complimented her on her walking/running. We were talking about how nice it was out & how hilly the neighborhood is. She spoke like a grown adult & seemed very confident. Anyway, as I was about to make a turn on my route after a few blocks, I asked her if she’d like to meet again and if there was any way I could contact her. She kindly but swiftly shut that down; she said “That is nice of you, but I am going back to college for the summer next week. Good luck with your walking” I said thank you and made a turn.

This girl was probably 19 years old & taking walks from her parents house. I feel like a creep.

Please do not approach women when they are out jogging and walking! I'm a mom and have had this happen and it sucks. Trust me when I say that she was literally out walking and jogging to get a work out. No other reason at all. If you want to meet women, go to target rich environments meant for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like everyone behaved just fine in this scenario. Maybe she's not as young as you think, OP, but maybe she is. Either way, she said no thanks and unless you start "accidentally" running into her all the time, this is no big deal.

This, OP. The fact that you feel terrible and would not have asked her out if you'd realized she was so young--that all says good things about you. A lesser man would be talking about how hot it would be to date someone less than half his age. You're good; you have boundaries. She also shut you down nicely but swiftly, and without freaking out, by mentioning college and then going on her way. Everyone did OK here. --Woman with a college-age daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel gross.

I’m a 42 y/o divorced dad and live in a leafy UMC neighborhood. I WFH full time. For the past few weeks/months I’ve seen someone who looked to be a woman in her 30s speed walking and occasionally running in my neighborhood. She is about 5”3 and wears dark sunglasses, baseball cap, shorts, running sneakers & a tank top. Has long brown hair & is in amazing shape from what I could tell based on looking at her.

Anyway, I was out walking today and saw her. I must’ve startled her by walking far behind her on the same sidewalk. She looked behind, and that’s when I finally decided I would make a move. She looked a little startled, but I introduced myself and we both kept walking together. She quickly started chatting with me, and I complimented her on her walking/running. We were talking about how nice it was out & how hilly the neighborhood is. She spoke like a grown adult & seemed very confident. Anyway, as I was about to make a turn on my route after a few blocks, I asked her if she’d like to meet again and if there was any way I could contact her. She kindly but swiftly shut that down; she said “That is nice of you, but I am going back to college for the summer next week. Good luck with your walking” I said thank you and made a turn.

This girl was probably 19 years old & taking walks from her parents house. I feel like a creep.

That's because you are a creep.

DP. By your standard, there is literally no circumstance in which it’s okay to approach someone & ask them out on a date/walk.

Yes. If the approacher is a man. If it's a woman, then it's "you go girl".

You'll notice that in the threads where women ask where to meet men. People will offer up places like work, the gym, etc. But definitely not OK for a man to do that.

That sounds about right. Don't ask a complete stranger you just met for their contact information and for a date. The walker/jogger is basically wearing a disguise so OP knows nothing about her or what she even looks like. It's going to be a steep learning curve for this divorced dad who probably hasn't dated much in years.

[Anonymous]

You didn't know. It's OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel gross.

I’m a 42 y/o divorced dad and live in a leafy UMC neighborhood. I WFH full time. For the past few weeks/months I’ve seen someone who looked to be a woman in her 30s speed walking and occasionally running in my neighborhood. She is about 5”3 and wears dark sunglasses, baseball cap, shorts, running sneakers & a tank top. Has long brown hair & is in amazing shape from what I could tell based on looking at her.

Anyway, I was out walking today and saw her. I must’ve startled her by walking far behind her on the same sidewalk. She looked behind, and that’s when I finally decided I would make a move. She looked a little startled, but I introduced myself and we both kept walking together. She quickly started chatting with me, and I complimented her on her walking/running. We were talking about how nice it was out & how hilly the neighborhood is. She spoke like a grown adult & seemed very confident. Anyway, as I was about to make a turn on my route after a few blocks, I asked her if she’d like to meet again and if there was any way I could contact her. She kindly but swiftly shut that down; she said “That is nice of you, but I am going back to college for the summer next week. Good luck with your walking” I said thank you and made a turn.

This girl was probably 19 years old & taking walks from her parents house. I feel like a creep.

Please do not approach women when they are out jogging and walking! I'm a mom and have had this happen and it sucks. Trust me when I say that she was literally out walking and jogging to get a work out. No other reason at all. If you want to meet women, go to target rich environments meant for that.

This is a good point, to be honest. It's exhausting to feel like every activity, no matter how much one is doing it for themselves, is interpreted as an invitation to be asked out. Sometimes we just want to go for a run, even if we do it while cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:aww., OP. You're fine. You didn't know.

FWIW, my friend has a DD who is tall - 5'7" at 13, and some 18 yr old college boy thought she was in college and hit on her.

This happened to me when I was eleven. He was absolutely horrified when I told him my age, and skedaddled so fast!

I don't think you're a creep but I can understand why you feel like one.

[Anonymous]

Where’s the 50 y/o poster who talks about his 20 y/o girlfriends?

[Anonymous]

1. Please leave women alone when they’re exercising.

2. You really, really mistook a 19 y/o for a 30 y/o? Or did you think early 20s and trying to make yourself look better?

3. How good shape you thought she was in and her shorts and tank top description make this a super creepy post.

4. You come across creepy in your post, you’re worried about being creepy, OP you know the expression about things that look like ducks…