I feel perpetually misunderstood

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people often misinterpret what I say and do, and then don’t listen when I try to explain.

Often it seems like they read a lot into my words/actions and refuse to take them at face value, and I don’t understand why.

Am tired of explaining myself (and being disregarded anyway). Every time this happens makes me want to just withdraw and avoid people because it’s so draining and frustrating.

You might not present as sincere.

At a certain point if something is always happening to you, you have to change your behavior.

Many times it is deceptive people that interpret others as insincere/fake/deceptive b/c that is how they operate and assume other do as well. As a previous poster said it'e their projection on to you.

Yea not likely in this case since OP is saying everyone doesn’t understand her. When everyone doesn’t understand you then you are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people often misinterpret what I say and do, and then don’t listen when I try to explain.

Often it seems like they read a lot into my words/actions and refuse to take them at face value, and I don’t understand why.

Am tired of explaining myself (and being disregarded anyway). Every time this happens makes me want to just withdraw and avoid people because it’s so draining and frustrating.

You might not present as sincere.

At a certain point if something is always happening to you, you have to change your behavior.

But I am sincere. I don't know how to change how people interpret my words. I don't know what it is about me that would make people assume I am not sincere.

Is this written communication or all forms of communication?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you happen to grow up and an alcoholic family?

Not OP but I did. Please expound on this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people often misinterpret what I say and do, and then don’t listen when I try to explain.

Often it seems like they read a lot into my words/actions and refuse to take them at face value, and I don’t understand why.

Am tired of explaining myself (and being disregarded anyway). Every time this happens makes me want to just withdraw and avoid people because it’s so draining and frustrating.

You might not present as sincere.

At a certain point if something is always happening to you, you have to change your behavior.

Many times it is deceptive people that interpret others as insincere/fake/deceptive b/c that is how they operate and assume other do as well. As a previous poster said it'e their projection on to you.

Yea not likely in this case since OP is saying everyone doesn’t understand her. When everyone doesn’t understand you then you are the problem.

That’s not true at all. If you lived in Soviet Russia and tried to speak out about the brutality then you were the righteous person, not the many neighbors that reported you to the authorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people often misinterpret what I say and do, and then don’t listen when I try to explain.

Often it seems like they read a lot into my words/actions and refuse to take them at face value, and I don’t understand why.

Am tired of explaining myself (and being disregarded anyway). Every time this happens makes me want to just withdraw and avoid people because it’s so draining and frustrating.

You might not present as sincere.

At a certain point if something is always happening to you, you have to change your behavior.

Many times it is deceptive people that interpret others as insincere/fake/deceptive b/c that is how they operate and assume other do as well. As a previous poster said it'e their projection on to you.

Yea not likely in this case since OP is saying everyone doesn’t understand her. When everyone doesn’t understand you then you are the problem.

That’s not true at all. If you lived in Soviet Russia and tried to speak out about the brutality then you were the righteous person, not the many neighbors that reported you to the authorities.

Great analogy PP. I’m sure that’s exactly what is happening to the OP.

Your hampering her growth by not having her examine what the issue is and fix it. That is what OP asked.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It is not everyone misinterpreting everything I say. Fir instance, my DH rarely misinterprets me. It’s a couple friends and in a past job I had this problem as well (not in my current job).

But this conversation has gone much the way I’m talking about, with some posters making broad assumptions about my motives and experience that you couldn’t possibly get from what I said.

I think my biggest frustration is people making assumptions and then acting on them, when if they’d simply asked a question or two, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. It feels like with some people, you get one chance to express something and if they interpret it incorrectly, too bad, that’s the truth for them now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you happen to grow up and an alcoholic family?

Dp. I did and I totally relate to what the op is describing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not everyone misinterpreting everything I say. Fir instance, my DH rarely misinterprets me. It’s a couple friends and in a past job I had this problem as well (not in my current job).

But this conversation has gone much the way I’m talking about, with some posters making broad assumptions about my motives and experience that you couldn’t possibly get from what I said.

I think my biggest frustration is people making assumptions and then acting on them, when if they’d simply asked a question or two, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. It feels like with some people, you get one chance to express something and if they interpret it incorrectly, too bad, that’s the truth for them now.

I think I see the issue. You exaggerate and then when it’s pointed out, you backtrack.

Your OP should have clearly stated this only happens with a couple of friends instead of stating it happens often.

[Anonymous]

OP again. In the interest of being more clear, this thread was prompted by this recent misunderstanding:

My family has been planning a trip to Europe this summer, but after seeing flight prices and assessing some savings goals, we decided to switch our plans and do a domestic trip out west.

I told my friend about the change of plans when we were discussing our summer plans and said, “yes I’m a bit disappointed but we’ll just have to do Europe another year when it makes more sense financially.”

At no point did I say I had money issues, complain about our income, or ask for help with finances.

She took this to mean that we are in dire financial straights. She brings it up every time I see her. She has started suggesting career changes for me to boost my income and will say things like “I know money is tight, maybe we could do a girls night at home instead of going out because it’s cheaper.”

I have told her several times, very clearly, “ Money is good, I’m not having money issues. Just made a change based on priorities.” She does not listen and now thinks I’m trying to put a good spin on it.

That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people often misinterpret what I say and do, and then don’t listen when I try to explain.

Often it seems like they read a lot into my words/actions and refuse to take them at face value, and I don’t understand why.

Am tired of explaining myself (and being disregarded anyway). Every time this happens makes me want to just withdraw and avoid people because it’s so draining and frustrating.

You might not present as sincere.

At a certain point if something is always happening to you, you have to change your behavior.

Many times it is deceptive people that interpret others as insincere/fake/deceptive b/c that is how they operate and assume other do as well. As a previous poster said it'e their projection on to you.

Yea not likely in this case since OP is saying everyone doesn’t understand her. When everyone doesn’t understand you then you are the problem.

Exactly. Also, OP, important to note not only what you say but how you say it (overall tone, body language, expressions etc).

My mom struggles with something similar and one thing I do notice is she is very intense and earnest and has a hard time recognizing nuance in a conversation, sarcasm, or joking. She has always felt misunderstood by the people around her but I think she just has a hard time connecting in general, like she doesn’t understand basic social mannerisms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not everyone misinterpreting everything I say. Fir instance, my DH rarely misinterprets me. It’s a couple friends and in a past job I had this problem as well (not in my current job).

But this conversation has gone much the way I’m talking about, with some posters making broad assumptions about my motives and experience that you couldn’t possibly get from what I said.

I think my biggest frustration is people making assumptions and then acting on them, when if they’d simply asked a question or two, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. It feels like with some people, you get one chance to express something and if they interpret it incorrectly, too bad, that’s the truth for them now.

I think I see the issue. You exaggerate and then when it’s pointed out, you backtrack.

Your OP should have clearly stated this only happens with a couple of friends instead of stating it happens often.

Where in my OP did I say everyone misunderstands me? I said I feel Ike people misinterpret me. I never said all people, just people. I’m not backtracking, you just misinterpreted me and now want to argue facts to suit you, but I didn’t change the facts. You simply made some stiff up and decided it must be the case.

This is precisely the sort of thing I’m talking about! It’s so aggravating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. In the interest of being more clear, this thread was prompted by this recent misunderstanding:

My family has been planning a trip to Europe this summer, but after seeing flight prices and assessing some savings goals, we decided to switch our plans and do a domestic trip out west.

I told my friend about the change of plans when we were discussing our summer plans and said, “yes I’m a bit disappointed but we’ll just have to do Europe another year when it makes more sense financially.”

At no point did I say I had money issues, complain about our income, or ask for help with finances.

She took this to mean that we are in dire financial straights. She brings it up every time I see her. She has started suggesting career changes for me to boost my income and will say things like “I know money is tight, maybe we could do a girls night at home instead of going out because it’s cheaper.”

I have told her several times, very clearly, “ Money is good, I’m not having money issues. Just made a change based on priorities.” She does not listen and now thinks I’m trying to put a good spin on it.

That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about.

If this was a one off, I would think that person is the problem. However, if this type of interaction is happening a lot, and with different people, I think it’s more likely that your tone and demeanor are not matching what you’re saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not everyone misinterpreting everything I say. Fir instance, my DH rarely misinterprets me. It’s a couple friends and in a past job I had this problem as well (not in my current job).

But this conversation has gone much the way I’m talking about, with some posters making broad assumptions about my motives and experience that you couldn’t possibly get from what I said.

I think my biggest frustration is people making assumptions and then acting on them, when if they’d simply asked a question or two, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. It feels like with some people, you get one chance to express something and if they interpret it incorrectly, too bad, that’s the truth for them now.

I think I see the issue. You exaggerate and then when it’s pointed out, you backtrack.

Your OP should have clearly stated this only happens with a couple of friends instead of stating it happens often.

Where in my OP did I say everyone misunderstands me? I said I feel Ike people misinterpret me. I never said all people, just people. I’m not backtracking, you just misinterpreted me and now want to argue facts to suit you, but I didn’t change the facts. You simply made some stiff up and decided it must be the case.

This is precisely the sort of thing I’m talking about! It’s so aggravating.

“I feel like people often misinterpret…”

Right here is where you clearly should have said “I have a friend group that often misinterprets…” By saying people and often you are implying that many people misunderstand you.

You’ve made it clear where the issue is OP. If you don’t want to work on it then accept that you’ll always have to clarify what you meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. In the interest of being more clear, this thread was prompted by this recent misunderstanding:

My family has been planning a trip to Europe this summer, but after seeing flight prices and assessing some savings goals, we decided to switch our plans and do a domestic trip out west.

I told my friend about the change of plans when we were discussing our summer plans and said, “yes I’m a bit disappointed but we’ll just have to do Europe another year when it makes more sense financially.”

At no point did I say I had money issues, complain about our income, or ask for help with finances.

She took this to mean that we are in dire financial straights. She brings it up every time I see her. She has started suggesting career changes for me to boost my income and will say things like “I know money is tight, maybe we could do a girls night at home instead of going out because it’s cheaper.”

I have told her several times, very clearly, “ Money is good, I’m not having money issues. Just made a change based on priorities.” She does not listen and now thinks I’m trying to put a good spin on it.

That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about.

If this was a one off, I would think that person is the problem. However, if this type of interaction is happening a lot, and with different people, I think it’s more likely that your tone and demeanor are not matching what you’re saying.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes have this issue. I am a little neurodivergent and have to remember to phrase things in the way that other people think just a little bit. So instead of starting where I would normally explain some thing, I try to frame what I need to say with this particular individual. If it’s not work related, I just do my thing and we catch it up. I just say hey did I start in the middle again or is there something I need to say to help this make more sense. It helps that I work and am friends with mainly artists and they can follow the flow.

NP here. Totally relate to this.