I feel perpetually misunderstood

[Anonymous]

I feel like people often misinterpret what I say and do, and then don’t listen when I try to explain.

Often it seems like they read a lot into my words/actions and refuse to take them at face value, and I don’t understand why.

Am tired of explaining myself (and being disregarded anyway). Every time this happens makes me want to just withdraw and avoid people because it’s so draining and frustrating.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry PP. In my experience, a few people have done this when they have a narrative they want to maintain. I’ve found that if someone wants to see you in a certain negative light, they will - and there’s nothing you can do about it except ignore them / not let it get to you.

Hopefully you are talking about a few individuals and not everyone you come in contact with, right?

[Anonymous]

I can relate. The hard truth is that people don’t really listen to each other these days. Anything negative is avoided. You exist as a prop in other peoples lives. In the end, people just want you to make them feel good. That’s it.

[Anonymous]

Did you happen to grow up and an alcoholic family?

[Anonymous]

I sometimes have this issue. I am a little neurodivergent and have to remember to phrase things in the way that other people think just a little bit. So instead of starting where I would normally explain some thing, I try to frame what I need to say with this particular individual. If it’s not work related, I just do my thing and we catch it up. I just say hey did I start in the middle again or is there something I need to say to help this make more sense. It helps that I work and am friends with mainly artists and they can follow the flow.

[Anonymous]

It's true that people are bad at listening, and most people are just projecting their stuff onto you without actually trying to see you. But that is all stuff you can't control. Focus on what you can control, which is communicating clearly. If you have a friend you trust, ask them to give you some feedback about things you may be doing without realizing it that are sending the wrong signals. You might also consider taking a communications class.

Some people are just natural communicators and others aren't, but it's a skill that can be learned. You don't need to go through your life feeling alienated and misunderstood, but you do need to take some active steps to change your situation.

Also, if you find you are having this problem over and over again with the same person, consider that they may just be a self-involved jerk and try to remove them from your life!

[Anonymous]

Goodness, this happens all the time, from customer service reps on the phone to my anxiety-prone wife (who reads many things from me, work colleagues, friends) through a frame that forces the interpretation away from facts/intent/better versions to the worst meaning. It's exhausting. People just don't pay attention to details--sometimes crucial details--anymore.

[Anonymous]

But I'm just a soul who's intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood (Cit)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people often misinterpret what I say and do, and then don’t listen when I try to explain.

Often it seems like they read a lot into my words/actions and refuse to take them at face value, and I don’t understand why.

Am tired of explaining myself (and being disregarded anyway). Every time this happens makes me want to just withdraw and avoid people because it’s so draining and frustrating.

You might not present as sincere.

At a certain point if something is always happening to you, you have to change your behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people often misinterpret what I say and do, and then don’t listen when I try to explain.

Often it seems like they read a lot into my words/actions and refuse to take them at face value, and I don’t understand why.

Am tired of explaining myself (and being disregarded anyway). Every time this happens makes me want to just withdraw and avoid people because it’s so draining and frustrating.

You might not present as sincere.

At a certain point if something is always happening to you, you have to change your behavior.

But I am sincere. I don't know how to change how people interpret my words. I don't know what it is about me that would make people assume I am not sincere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people often misinterpret what I say and do, and then don’t listen when I try to explain.

Often it seems like they read a lot into my words/actions and refuse to take them at face value, and I don’t understand why.

Am tired of explaining myself (and being disregarded anyway). Every time this happens makes me want to just withdraw and avoid people because it’s so draining and frustrating.

You might not present as sincere.

At a certain point if something is always happening to you, you have to change your behavior.

But I am sincere. I don't know how to change how people interpret my words. I don't know what it is about me that would make people assume I am not sincere.

Why not start with asking the people you have common misunderstandings with?

[Anonymous]

If this is happening frequently and with multiple people my guess would be that you aren’t communicating as clearly as you think you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is happening frequently and with multiple people my guess would be that you aren’t communicating as clearly as you think you are.

That's the direction I'm leaning in. Also, if you talk like Micah on Love is Blind with a ton of "like"s and upspeak people may not have the patience to listen to you. Figure out in your head what you're going to say, get it concise, and THEN say it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people often misinterpret what I say and do, and then don’t listen when I try to explain.

Often it seems like they read a lot into my words/actions and refuse to take them at face value, and I don’t understand why.

Am tired of explaining myself (and being disregarded anyway). Every time this happens makes me want to just withdraw and avoid people because it’s so draining and frustrating.

You might not present as sincere.

At a certain point if something is always happening to you, you have to change your behavior.

Many times it is deceptive people that interpret others as insincere/fake/deceptive b/c that is how they operate and assume other do as well. As a previous poster said it'e their projection on to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you happen to grow up and an alcoholic family?

My husband is like the OP he is beyond confusing and he grew up in an alcoholic family, please tell us more.

I'm at my wits end trying to communicate with him and this is also coming from someone who also came from a alcoholic family.

Help please.